Everything
by kangaroos
Summary: A palex fanfic. An attempt at a happy ending for Palex post 703. check out the video from my profile. Chap 40 updated Oct 21st,08.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: EVERYTHING** by kangaroos **Edited: Sept 29, 08**

Everything Video Part 1, Part 2 and **Part 3 **(google:** youtube bmryQXXWdrE**) r in my profile.

**Summary:** post 703 disaster, in hope of a happy ending for Palex

**A/N:** i know most of you can't digest this right now considering 703 episode this friday, but someone said its the time to keep the hope alive... so i tried someting.  
Let me know if its any good if u wish me to continue it.

**Disclaimer:** only a fic... i dont own Degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 1_**

"_**Are you sure Paige…?" **_

The words she had waited to hear for what seemed like an eternity to her were finally being said and she had coarsely challenged them as soon as she had heard them.

A simplest question of all the questions she was ever asked. A question she had waited the entirety of her life to hear. A question she believed to be the reason for the creation of universe was finally asked and she had dared it without wasting a second.

'What in the world was wrong with her?' She asked herself.

She had just made herself worthy of having her name published in the Guinness book of world records for being the most foolish person who ever lived.

She had practically earned the right to get a Nobel Prize for presenting herself to be the most mentally imbalanced person in the history of time.

If earth could open right now for her to fall into it, she knew… 'It' would split open again just to spit her out of itself and send her to the planet of the dumb-asses where she would definitely be crowned the queen for exceeding everyone else since she indeed was the dumbest person of all charted galaxies.

It was by far the most ridiculous thing she had ever done and could easily beat her own Letterman top ten list; whether it was the skinny dipping she had gone for last Christmas eve with her sorority friends in which she had almost lost one of her toes to the frost bite. That time when she became an exotic dancer during her last semester of high school. When she doped with Jay all through high school, well most of it anyway. When she made her girlfriend in college jealous by kissing that guy in the swimming team after her first semester. When she had the ski accident two years ago when she broke two fingers of her right hand and had them buddy-plastered for two weeks because she refused to wear the pink gloves. Yes, it was an endless list but she had outdone herself yet again.

Fate had offered her a second chance. The universe had aligned itself to her delight. The gods were pouring favor on her to compensate for all the wrongs they had ever done to her in the past… And she was at the verge of risking it all, defying it all. She was aware that she could loose it all in that moment; every single thing that could've been hers to keep forever and ever.

'Was this idiocy worth it?'

She cursed the moment, that millisecond, with every profanity in the 'Book of Alex' when the thought of questioning her lover had occurred to her. She was not a violent person anymore but if she could, she wanted to murder herself right then and there.

* * *

**TBC**

**R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N: **okay so we need some back ground too...  
thanks for R&R.

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, and even if i did, i'd disown it now having seen 703.**  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 2_**

"Hey, that wasn't so bad, was it?"  
Said Samantha as they both walked out of the Health Science Building and started walking west on College Street.

"Nope… and I'm pretty sure pulling those all-nighters is gonna pay off."

"Easy for you to say, you're like the best student of this class."

"Thank you"  
Alex said straightening the collar of her jacket.

"Aren't you gonna say something back?"

Sam asked in an irritated voice.

"Oh yeah, you're not so bad either".

"Thank you Alex, how very sweet of you to say that. Next time, try it without a 'post-it' reminder, would you?"  
Sam gave Alex a sarcastic look and continued, "So, where to?"

"Well I'm headed to Donnelly CCBR. Apparently, Dr. Wickham already gave me an extension last week to tabulate a batch of results before the finals. He's publishing his research in the next month's journal so if I want to get my name in there at all and a good reference letter from him, I better get my ass there."

"And when should I expect you back roomy?"

"Eightish."

"Great, we'll head down to 'the grille' for old times sake and celebrate the end of yet another semester."

"Well, in that case, why don't I just meet you at 'the grille' after I'm done. It's just across from where I'll be at and would take me less time than to walk to 'the residence' building first and then come back here to college street…"

"You don't wanna change first Alex?"

"Why? What's wrong with what I'm wearing right now?"

"Nothing. It's just not what one would consider the chilling attire, that's all."

"Yeah? And why is that?"

"Let me just say that a tweed Argyll jacket at night can only be pulled off in Scotland, although, you might require a kilt as an accessory with It."

"Shut up."  
Sam giggled and that made Alex punch her slightly on the arm.

"Ouch. Accept it Alex, the last four years of your college life that I've known you, you've completely turned into a geek. Sure, you have your moments of being cool occasionally but the bookworm thing has hit you hard and there's no denying it. Therefore, I'll just wait for you at 'the residence'. End of discussion. Bye."  
Samantha walked away waving to her.

"Bye." Alex turned toward the King's College Circle on her way to Donnelly Building.  


* * *

After arriving at 'the grille' around quarter past eight, Samantha and Alex took a seat next to the window and picked back on the conversation they were having earlier this afternoon. They were both in warm casuals due to the late winter weather.

"From how you describe that Dr. Wickham of yours…"

"Correction, he's not 'my' Dr. Wickham. He belongs to Toronto U. That's his commitment and apparently his whole life."

"Okay then, Toronto U's Dr. Wickham seems like a pretty cool guy, and I love that imitation you do, of him."

"Well, try to keep that imitation fact to yourself Sam and if you think making up stories about giving students extensions that only he knows about are cool, then yeah, he's the coolest guy ever."  
Alex said without hiding the annoyance in her voice.

"Okay, what did he do now?"

"He told me to help him this weekend."

"What? That's crazy. Did you tell him that you were finally getting around spending a week with your mom's cousin after two years?"

"Sam. It wasn't like it was an open discussion or I would've said something. I guess I'm just gonna have to make the Ajax trip short and be back here on the weekend."

"I'm sorry Alex. It's just that I know, you were looking forward to it."  
Sam's face had become a reflection of her sadness.

"Sam. You don't have to be so over dramatic. I think I'll survive this."  
Alex couldn't hold a laugh and got a punch from Samantha.

"Well obviously I'm more devastated over this than you are." Samantha huffed.

"Sam, I know I don't say it enough but thank you for being my friend."  
Alex said with all her emotions in her eyes that were just waiting to fall out. She really meant every word that she had said. Samantha had been her loyal friend since she had joined the university and she had kept no secrets from her.

"Okay, no need to get all mushy on me. I know you've been crushing on me for a few years now, but I'm in love with your cousin Brandon, so go to Ajax tomorrow and get me in Eliza's good books. Okay?"  
Samantha always teased Alex that she had a crush on her and that's why Alex was never eager to go on dates, especially the ones that Samantha used to set up for her.

"Yes"

"Okay, then that's settled, let's order."

Sam had changed the topic very efficiently to food and Alex loved how Sam understood her so well. Food had always been her weakness. They ate dinner and then walked to their shared campus residence as they shared stories they'd been saving to tell until after the finals.

Alex packed her stuff while they both listened to a local radio station and talked with each other. Alex was going to catch the train to Ajax early morning for three days and was looking forward to spending some time with Eliza and Ben.

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly Review ****help me improve****. Thanks for reading. again don't forget to check out the vid thru my profile homepage link.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **some more background... revised may 14, 08.  
personally didnt like reminding you guys of 703 and putting paige reference in there but had to be done for things to progress. sorry.

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, and even if i did, i'd disown it now having seen 703.

* * *

**_Chapter 3_**

Alex had thought hard about her situation after she moved to Ajax. Life had not been fair to her in fact it was a total bitch. Everything that she cared for was slowly taken away from her.

She had figured out that she had lived for someone else all through her life. Her Dad left when she was young and from then onwards, she had started living for her Mom. Things that she had done to help her mom were countless but in the end, she was left betrayed by her. During her brief romance with Jay, he had cheated on her leaving her all alone. When she left her mom, Paige replaced her mom in the equation and Alex started living for Paige.

Paige, her love, tormented her and broke up with her at a time when she needed her most.  
Alex knew that it would take her a while to heal from this; one, because she still cared for Paige and two, because of the way that Paige had ended their relationship. Paige was very cruel, first she had offered to help Alex and once she was used to be taken care of, Paige had pulled the rug right from under her feet.

Alex had tried to convince herself that their break-up was necessary and the only choice they had since being together was as hurtful as being apart. However, no matter what explanation Alex gave her heart, her mind knew that it was one of the most painful memories of her life and she would never get over it.  
All these thoughts had raced through her mind constantly even though she knew that she had to put it all aside and focus on her life in Ajax.

Alex had moved to Ajax with her mom's first cousin. Her mom wasn't close to Eliza but since she was the only relative that Alex knew of, she didn't have much of a choice but ask Eliza for help. She just hoped that it wouldn't end the way all her other hopes had ended.

Getting off the bus to Ajax, she had no idea of what to expect. She just knew that she had to make it work. Eliza was almost her mom's age, may be even a little older. Alex barely knew Eliza Elliot but her warm smile and kindness won Alex over instantly. Eliza was an independent woman who ran her own daycare center. Her husband, Ben Elliot worked at a wholesale furniture and repair store. They had a son Brandon who seemed only a little older than Alex was, judging by the pictures that were scattered all over their house and in the room that was given to Alex. Alex made it a point not to ask Eliza and Ben any questions that did not concern her, such as the secret behind Emily and Eliza's relationship or the reason for their dysfunctional family, until they bring it up themselves.

The Elliott household was a three-bedroom house and was located in a quiet neighborhood that appealed to Alex because it was a total contrast to her own and almost reminded her of P…

Like everything in Ajax, Eliza and Ben's relationship was also different from the ones Alex had witnessed of her mother's or the ones that she had experienced herself. She knew she had a lot to learn from them especially the ones she wasn't able to learn from her parents, but mostly, she had to learn to be happy and satisfied with herself.

She was thankful to both Eliza and Ben that they had taken her in without asking too many questions and had provided her with the comfort of a house that Alex had never experienced before in her life; until she was able to stand up on her feet again.

Alex found a job as a telemarketer. It was not something that she ever imagined herself doing. It wasn't her kind of a job and there was no scope of a promotion either. It seemed like a different version of her theatre job in Toronto but Eliza suggested it to her when one morning she was going through the classified ad section of the newspaper. Eliza said that it would help her in the long run. Alex did not know what that meant but since she didn't want to be a waitress after the Zanzibar experience, she opted to give the telemarketer job a try.  
Initially, Alex felt weird talking to people the whole day but it kept her mind distracted from things she didn't want to think about and did help her rejuvenate back to normality faster.

Alex wanted to start paying the rent to Eliza as soon as she got her first paycheck but Eliza softly refused saying that she needs it more than they did. She didn't want to take advantage of their hospitality so she offered to help with groceries and other chores around the house, which Eliza didn't object to.

The word self-respect meant a lot to Alex. She had never asked anyone for anything until she was left with no other choice but for some reason when she had moved into the university house, she had somehow lost it.

At the time, she was not able to explain what had happened to her but now reflecting back on it, she had realized that it was about how she was feeling at the time. Apparently, Zanzibar had affected her more than she had let herself believe and her mom's behavior had just destroyed the last bit of pride that was left in her. All of her friends were busy making something of themselves while she felt helpless and sad for all that she had been through. As soon as she realized this, it all made sense to her.

What happened in the past had to be dealt with in its own time, but accepting it was also important so that she could move on. A new beginning was waiting for her, and she was known to be a notorious warrior who was ready to accept any challenges that life had to offer her.

She did not feel sorry for herself anymore.

It took her three months to re-organize her life, to get to things in perspective… things that she had been neglecting. She started the application process to the universities, went through the programs they offered and applied to the ones that interested her most. The reference from Ms. Hatzalikos helped her a lot.

In the month of June of that year, she found out that she was accepted into the Bachelor program of Health Sciences at Toronto U.

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly R&R and help me improve.**

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N: **i'll be switching between past and present so hope it doesnt get confusing... just want to show the difference between old Alex and the new one...

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, and even if i did, i'd disown it now having seen 703.

* * *

**_Chapter 4 _**

Visiting Ajax was always gratifying for Alex.  
Eliza herself had come to the train station to pick her up.

"Alex, we're so glad that you got some time off to get back to us. Ben says that we've lost you to the glittering Toronto and I was beginning to believe him."  
Eliza said while hugging Alex. Alex just clung on to her and did not want the hug to end.

Being with Eliza had suddenly brought back the insecurities that still lingered inside Alex's heart and mostly surfaced when she felt happy. Sometimes she still wondered if she deserved the attention and love that she had received from the Elliot's and if they were eventually going to abandon her like everyone else did, she was close to.

She now knew that these issues of abandonment were a result of her neglected childhood and were ridiculous. Her psychiatrist at the student medical center had worked with her patiently in making her understand the overflowing emotions that she sometimes felt.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Huh? Nothing"  
she finally let go of Eliza.

"Just that it'd been a while since, you know…"  
Eliza smiled at a still shy Alex and at what she had just heard.

"Come on, let's go home."  
Alex thanked Eliza in her heart for not making her complete the sentence as they both walked to the parking lot.

"So how did your exams go?"  
Eliza asked on their drive home.

"Great. I'm not even worried."

"That's good because if you were, that's all you would've obsessed about the whole week, the way you did after your very first semester."  
Alex face changed and Eliza did not miss it.

"What is it Alex?"

"Well, the doc I'm assisting in research asked me to help him over this weekend, so I'll have to cut the stay a little short."

"Oh well, I guess then we'll just have to cram up the fun in the days that we have..."  
Eliza tried to relax Alex hiding her own disappointment at the news but Alex knew better.

"But I'm getting a week off for March break and guess where I'll be spending that? I just hope you guys are ready to tolerate a whole week of me."

"You know sweetheart, it's always a pleasure. I'm already looking forward to March now."

"So am I."  
Alex looked over at Eliza without hiding the love and respect she felt for the woman, surprising herself more than Eliza, _'She wasn't afraid to show people her emotions'_.

"Alex, you've come a long way and you don't know how proud we are of you? And I'm glad that you didn't hesitate to ask for help when you did."

"Thanks"  
Alex said nodding. She had almost forgotten all about 'that'.  
Sensing Alex's discomfort, Eliza changed the topic and spilled a secret in her panic.

"So have you talked to Brandon lately? He's planning on joining us from Calgary in March as well."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me that before?"  
Alex turned to face Eliza, now not being able to hold the excitement.

"Well Brandon wanted to surprise you, and I think I've just spoiled it."

"Thanks. You know what? I'm pretty good at acting surprised."

They both talked and laughed their way through the drive covering everything from university to what Alex was doing for fun off the campus as they conveniently left the heavier topics for later.

* * *

"Hi Brandon."  
Alex dialed Brandon's number as soon as she got to her room.

"Hi, Alex. So I take it that you've safely reached home."

"I have, thank you, and I'm happily sitting in my room right now, talking to '_you_'."

"You mean in '_my_' room, right?"

"No, I mean '_my_' room. Remember, you don't live here anymore…"

"Neither do you, Nunez."

"Okay, listen, I'm not really in the mood for this sibling rivalry thing right now."

"Well, you're the one who started it…"

"Did not"

"Okay I get it, you are trying to pick a fight with me?"

"Hey, don't start with your psycho babble with me. I've had my share of those back in Toronto."  
Alex laughed thinking about how her psychiatrist always verbalized what 'he thought' she was doing and how sometimes she felt like laughing in his face.

"Oh yeah? And have they reached to a diagnosis yet?"

"Yes, they've all reached a unanimous opinion that I'm not crazy." Alex giggled.  
"Okay Brandon, enough of the jokes, what else's is new?"

"And is this your way of pressuring me into telling you that I'm coming to Ajax for the March break?"

_'__Brandon__ had seen right through her little trick.'_

"You know what? You're an as..."

"Hey hey… that's a big word, sweet cousin."  
He had interrupted her mid-sentence and she was glad that he had.

"Am I that transparent Elliot?"  
Alex whispered as her insecure thoughts emerged again.

"Hey Alex, I'm sorry. I was just playing with you. Really, I'm sorry and FYI, you are one of the most sophisticated people I've ever met in my life and you're everything but predictable…okay?  
Now stop being so whinny and start planning for March break. Should we go skiing to Blue Mountain? Or we could rent a cottage uphill. Make your choice, Nunez..."

Wiping the tear that had come out of nowhere, she replied,  
"I don't think I'll ever be able to ski the same way after getting my fingers fractured at our Calgary ski trip two years ago…"

"Cottage it is then."

"But they better have a flush tank there in the washrooms."  
Alex stated her terms.

"They will but you know the rule of cottages don't you?"

"No, what's that?"

"If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down."

"Eewww Elliot, you're disgusting…"

"And you're getting too girly, what happened to the fiery Alex I used to know?"

"She's been replaced by the good Alex and now you're stuck with her."  
Alex giggled.

"So what's new at the university front?", Brandon inquired.

"Not much, well besides the fact that my best friend is in love with you? And hey, don't tell me you're blushing all the way in Calgary?"

"No. I 'wasn't' and tell 'her' to get in line."

"We 'are' full of ourselves, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are. Are you dating anyone, Nunez?"

"No"

"Why? Nobody good enough for you?"

"No just that I haven't had time…"

"You know Alex, 'one day' that excuse will not work…"

"And 'that day', I'll think of 'one' that will. Can we change the topic please?"

"Like I said earlier, you were the one who started it…"

"Oh you're using the _blame card_ 'Again'? You know for a psychiatry resident, you're pretty pathetic…"

"Well I think I have my telemarketing job to thank for it…"

"What? You worked as a telemarketer too?"

"What do you mean by 'too'?"

"Why, the concept of 'too' very hard for you to understand? I mean, I also worked as a telemarketer."  
Alex said mockingly.

"In Ajax?"

"Yeah"

"And did it help?"

"Let me guess, the psycho babble again?"

"Just answer me, Couz…"

"You know having a job always helps. Sure, it may have helped me in my communication skills a bit as it was hard to not curse in the middle…", Alex joked.

"No, telemarketing job is different…"

"Okay, tell me, how is it different?"

"It's so boring that it's inspiring. Look at me, I worked there for four months before I quit and went to medical school…"  
Alex was laughing hard by now. It had taken 'her' only three months to decide to go to college after taking that job.

"Listen Brandon, I'm gonna go help Eliza with the dinner. I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay Alex, have fun and make sure Mom and Dad don't forget me just because you're there…"  
Brandon joked.

"Elliott, grow up."  
Alex replied laughing before she hung up.

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly R&R and stop me if i'm doing something terrible.**


	5. Chapter 5

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N: **thanks andtototoo for pointing me in the right direction and ur constructive criticism. i hope i can do justice to your suggestions.

**Disclaimer: **dont own Degrassi or any of its characters... except the ones i've created in the fic myself.

* * *

**_Chapter 5_**

Alex had packed her stuff that she was taking with her to Toronto U campus. Amazingly, it consisted of only a small suitcase that Eliza had given her, besides her usual blue duffel bag and her backpack.

Alex felt awkward taking help from Brandon, his distant cousin whom she had only met the day before for the first time, and who was already helping her carry her stuff to his car. Sure, she had talked to him a few times over the phone when he had explained to her the student loan process and had given her some fine pointers about credits and course selection process, but the whole thing still felt a little strange to her.

Brandon was in third year of his medical school in Calgary and was going to be in Toronto for one month. He was doing an elective at a hospital in Toronto and was staying at his friend's place, which was located not too far from Toronto U campus. Alex had told Eliza and Ben that she could have easily taken the bus but Brandon had insisted to drive her to Toronto.

_'It's a Saturday and I have nothing better to do',  
'Because this way I'd be able to help you settle in' _and_  
'I've been through the whole process myself so I can be useful if you need guidance'  
_… were the reasons he had given her.

After Alex said her goodbyes to Eliza and Ben, she and Brandon headed to Toronto.

It had been seven months since Alex had been to Toronto except for that one day in July, when she had an hour-long orientation and the tour of the campus. That day had forced her to reevaluate her decisions of going back to Toronto for the last time, and in the end, she had concluded that it was never her intention to run away from Toronto in the first place. It was purely circumstantial that she was led elsewhere so when her admission letter had finally arrived, she did not hesitate for a second to accept it.

Toronto was a big enough city and there was a fair chance that she was never going to cross paths with anyone she didn't want to from her past life, and even if she did, she was well prepared to handle it.

The car ride had been uneventful. Brandon had kept sharing some of his campus stories to fill in the silences while Alex had mostly remained quiet. Alex still could not understand why Brandon was going out of his way to help almost a stranger. It was not that she didn't appreciate the help she was getting especially since she knew it was the part she wasn't good at… the planning part…

'_I'm not like you… with plans and stuff…  
I always feel like I'm behind…May be that's why I need you…'_

* * *

Broken heartedly, when she had gone to her mom's place to collect her belongings, she had told her mom about her break-up with Paige, and that she had no other choice but to head back to the women's shelter, her mom had given her a phone number of her cousin Eliza.

Alex didn't know that her mom had a cousin until then but having faced with the choice of going either to a women's shelter or to ask Eliza for help, Alex had chosen to try the latter first as either way, there wasn't much she had to lose.

When Alex had phoned Eliza and explained her situation to her, Eliza had asked her to take the next bus to Ajax and had told her that they would sort things out once she got there.  
Alex did exactly that.

Eliza had been waiting for her at the bus station and had taken her home. She had introduced her to Ben as her cousin Emily's daughter, Alex. Eliza had informed Alex that she didn't know where Emily had been as Emily hadn't stayed in touch with her in past twenty years and that she didn't know that Emily even had a daughter. She had asked Alex to stay with them as long as she needed to and that they were there to help.

Alex knew that she had to be honest with Eliza and on her first night in Ajax, she had told Eliza everything from her mom's alcohol problem to her choice of boyfriends, from Chad stealing their money to Zanzibar, and from Degrassi to Paige.  
She had kept no secrets.

That night, both women sobbed together and woke up with a brighter morning.

Alex had no idea that the change of atmosphere would have such a good effect on her.  
The constant encouragement and care she received from the Elliott's helped her dissociate herself from everything that had happened in last few weeks. It drastically reduced the days of her sulking and feeling sad and soon, she was back on her feet again and had found a job.

* * *

After Brandon had gotten her suitcase to her room, he had started planning the rest of the day for her, in a very non-bossy way; which mostly consisted of going to the bookstore and then going shopping to get a few things, he thought she needed to get before the classes started next week. Alex had figured out that this was Brandon's way of bonding with her and she did not have a problem with that since there was nowhere else that she had to be anyway.

"Okay Alex, lets have lunch to get an energy boost then we'll head down to the bookstore. Once we have that out of our way, we can go shopping to Eaton's center or wherever you wanna go. I'm also off tomorrow so give me a call if you need anything otherwise you'll be on your own tomorrow. Do you think you'll be okay?"

The downtown Toronto map that was spread in front of Brandon while he sat on the floor of Alex's dorm room with his legs crossed.

"I can't believe I'm related to you?"

Alex had blurted out without realizing what she had said until a loud laughter escaped from Brandon.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that…"  
Alex was wholly embarrassed.

"That's okay kiddo. You don't have to explain. I think I'm just over-excited by all this and Mom gave me strict instructions regarding you... and…"

"Is that why you're doing all this, because Eliza asked you to?"  
Alex interrupted him without even trying to hide how affronted she felt.

"Hold on! I'm doing this because I want to. Okay? And whether you like it or not, we do share some genes, though not too many I hope. By the way, that's my way of saying that we're related and I can live with you being not too happy about it but I just can't help showing how happy I am because my parents being the 'only' children of their parents, makes you my one and only cousin. So I can only hope that as much of a freak that I am, you'd be okay with it."

Alex smirked.

"I guess I can try since I know what it feels like to be a freak."

"Okay, so now that that's settled… lets grab some lunch. There's this Thai place off Yonge Street, or if you're in the mood for pizza, we can go there too. There's a great Falafel place nearby or we could just grab a burger. Name your choice Nunez…"

Alex was already rolling over the bed with hilarity while Brandon was still talking.

"You really are excited about this, aren't you Brandon?"

* * *

**kindly R&R and stop me if i'm doing something terrible.**

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N:** so just thought should cover up somethings... again sorry for angst part, i tried to make it less painful but you be the judge...  
yes, alex is working towards a degree of physiotherapy for those of you wondering...  
and if there are any more questions, let me know so i can incorporate them into the story and lessen everyone else's confusion as well.  
and please Review... it really would help me a lot even if its about a flaw in the plot etc. thanks.

**Disclaimer: **don't own Degrassi...**  
Brandon, Eliza and Samantha are my own fictional creations.**

* * *

**_Chapter 6_**

"My shoulder is killing me…"  
Alex hollered softly as she set the books on the desk in her dorm room and started rubbing her shoulder.

They had finally come back after their three hours of book shopping and a visit to the mall.

"I told you to let me carry those from the car."  
Brandon said concernedly as he walked in the dorm room behind her and laid the rest of the stuff on the floor.

"Well, it was my burden to carry…" Alex said casually

"Like many other I'm sure, but accepting help wouldn't kill your pride Nunez…"

His tactful altercation had taken Alex by surprise,  
_'…swallow your stupid pride and accept help when it's offered…' _

Alex had zoned out for a few seconds but recovered as she heard Brandon clear his throat.

"We're actually done for the day…"  
he paused before he cautiously continued, "… though I was thinking, may be, we could talk over a cup of coffee?"

Alex had a fairly good idea as to what Brandon wanted to talk about. She had not decided yet if she was comfortable talking about her past with anyone. Brandon had not given her a reason for not trusting him and seeing his adamant sincerity, she decided to give a talk with Brandon a try. She was well aware of the pressures of starting university and now that she was back in Toronto, she had all the more reasons to trust someone or else she could burn out pretty quickly.

"Okay, let's go."

* * *

They both sat across each other in the coffee shop and after getting their coffee, Brandon started the conversation with, "I don't know if I am the right person for you to have this conversation with but you have to talk about this with somebody."

His attitude told her that he was as nervous as she was so she gave him an approving nod, which he took as his cue to continue.

* * *

Alex had concluded that the condition of her heart was not much different from what had already been described in the endless heartache songs, with their typical lyrics.

In the past seven months, Alex had not deliberately tried to think about Paige but she wasn't completely out of Alex's mind either.

It had been difficult initially when if not crying, Alex mostly woke up with thoughts of Paige and it usually required her infinite hours of effort to get Paige out of her head and despite all the efforts, every single waking moment still lingered with thoughts of just Paige.

A perfume somebody wore in the bus,  
a laughter nearby at work,  
a friendly touch,  
All her senses had been sensitized by the girl named 'Paige Michalchuk' and just about anything was enough to take her down the memory lane. Of course, the love songs were the worst and the most painful reminder of what she had with Paige.

_'It's the right thing to do…but it still hurts'_

Slowly, she healed.  
Stepping outside the house became easier.  
Going to the mall was not as painful as it used to be.  
The thoughts she could not escape before,  
her beautiful hair,  
her bright smile,  
those lovely eyes,  
became hazy along with the fading memories of times they had spent together.

* * *

"I still can't believe Emily never phoned us or told you about us."

"Mom just lets her inhibitions guide her sometimes. I think she knew that she was in the dumps and didn't want you guys to get dragged into her mess. I think subconsciously, she relied on me to be always be around, to pick her up again and that's why she didn't tell me about you guys. When she was certain that I was leaving her and that I had nowhere else to go, she couldn't see me as abandoned and helpless as she was and gave me Eliza's phone number. I think she trusted your mom and knew that I will be safe there."

"Does she know that you're back here?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Yeah, planning on it, don't know when though"

"I can come with you if you like…"

"That might not be a good idea… with Chad and all. I think there was a reason why my mom kept her life separate from Eliza's, and until I'm sure why, I'd like to keep it a secret too."

"Okay and what about your friends? do they know you're back?"

"No. I haven't told anyone that I was coming back. I lost touch with them when I moved to Ajax.  
It was just too hard to talk to any of them and not be reminded of everything that's happened. It's complicated. I think I'll wait till I'm ready to deal with them."

"That's okay. I know you're angry so it's alright to take it slow. Is there anybody else here whom you can trust then?"

"Well, I have a friend I met at orientation. Her name is Samantha and she's supposed to move in the campus tomorrow."  
Alex replied thinking.

"Okay, it's just that I'm only here for a month and I really don't want to see you get in any trouble with no one to talk to you about it. Here's a number I got for you, just in case."

He said as he pushed a business card toward her. Alex looked at the card on the coffee table that read, '_Student__Medical__Center__, __Toronto__U_.'

"You want me to see a shrink?"  
She asked surprised.

"No, I just want you to keep this with you and if you think you wanna talk to a professional person, then you can just call 'em up. Of course, you know, you can call me anytime, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Thanks Brandon."

"Alex, don't worry, it'll get better. It always does."

Alex knew exactly what he was referring to and wanted to believe him.  
Having this conversation helped her realize that she was stronger than she was giving herself credit for. More hopeful than ever, she started preparing for her first semester at Toronto U.

* * *

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	7. Chapter 7

**revised may 14, 08  
A/N: **setting: first year, second semester of university  
please Review... it really would help me a lot even if its about a flaw in the plot etc. thanks.

**POV: **Sam & Alex

**Disclaimer: **don't own Degrassi...**  
Brandon, Eliza, Ben and Samantha are my own fictional creations.**

* * *

**_Chapter 7_**

Samantha had been Alex's friend for a whole year now.  
They had first met during their orientation tour last July.  
They were both enrolled in a four-year bachelor program in Life sciences. Alex wanted to do her masters in physiotherapy afterwards while Samantha wanted to go into biomedical studies. Their residence was allotted in two adjacent buildings but they somehow still managed to spend most of their time together.  
In a year's time, they both had become close friends who understood and respected each other.

Alex had trusted Sam with her secrets and Sam had played an integral role in helping Alex move on from those secrets and had revived her trust on friendship again.  
She was a good friend, an advisory and a confidante to Alex.

Samantha knew that Alex was seeing a psychiatrist because of her past and other personal reasons and was well aware of Alex's more than a year-old heartbreak and the lasting effects it had on her dating abilities. Alex had not shown any interest in dating anyone and judging by that, Sam could easily predict the probable state of her heart.

Sam wanted to be the last person pressing Alex on the issue but when Jennifer came to her asking about Alex, she was left with no choice but to bring it up with Alex.  
_'If Alex was going to get another chance at happiness, she was not going to stand in its way either.'_

* * *

They were in the mid of their second semester.  
Taking a break from the usual studying, they had finally decided to attend to the two full bags of laundry that they had kept putting off for later.

Samantha figured this to be as good a time as any and decided to mention Jennifer to Alex. After putting her load in the washing machine and turning it on, she turned to Alex.

"Alex, what are you doing this Saturday night?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"Jeez Alex, I live for the day that you'll give me a straight answer instead of your own reverse interrogations."

She couldn't help but smile at how annoyed Sam looked. Alex took a deep sigh while she still tried to figure out the probably purpose of the question.

"I'll do what I always do on a Saturday Sam."

"Which is what?"

Alex did not know yet why Sam was asking these question but Sam's tremendous tolerance to her annoying answers confirmed that there was a deeper reasoning behind them.

"You know the usual. I'll reserve the TV room, rent a DVD and enjoy it with 'you', which reminds me, it's a comedy night. I'm going with 'blades of glory', you okay with that…?"

Sam took her time answering her as she stared at the white tiled floor.  
Knowing that something was up with Sam, Alex's eyebrows were raised in anticipation but she still patiently waited for her response.

"I was thinking of going out on a date… not the movie …'out on a date' … an 'actual' date… date."

Alex was surprised by the answer she had received since she was aware of Sam's recent breakup with her boyfriend Jeff.

"Okay, firstly, there's no movie with 'that' name so I understood what you meant before, and secondly, have you met someone new I don't know about?"

"No Alex I haven't but I'm going to try to find someone. That's what we're supposed to do, Right? Move on, find someone new…"

'_Last time I checked, moving on didn't used to be that easy.' _Alex thought to herself.

"Yeah, I guess."  
She whispered.

Sam could not believe that Alex was being agreeable.  
_'it was time for her to push the envelope.'_

"You know what I think we should do? We should each get a date, ya' know, take a break from all the studying, recharge ourselves, have some fun. What do you think?"

"Sam, we've already talked about this."  
Alex knew exactly where this conversation was headed.

Sam was still a little apprehensive about over stepping the line earlier but Alex's mellow behavior was encouraging her.

"I know and I want you to reconsider. I know it seems early, but it's not. It has been a year and four months since you broke up with your ex. It's time to move on, to take a chance, or you'll regret it later."

They both remained quiet for a couple of minutes with only the mechanical sound of washing machine working in the background.

Alex broke the silence by her honest reply.  
"I don't know if I'm ready yet…"

"Well you're not gonna find out by sulking in that TV room every Saturday."

Despite the serious tone of the conversation, Alex couldn't help laughing at what Sam had just said.

"…is that what '_you'_ think I do?"  
She continued laughing still.

"Do you really need me to answer that?"

_'First time Alex is actually laughing about 'the breakup', definitely a good sign.'  
_Sam was having hard time believing the change she was seeing in Alex.

"Nobody said it won't be hard Alex, but you gotta try."

Alex rubbed her temples.

"Okay, I'll think about it."

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly Review... it'll help me post faster. Thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**A/N: **so a longer chapter than usual... first i thought to divide it into two but then i didn't want to leave my only three readers andtototoo, Marbs and Mayalex hanging...  
so this is for you guys...  
thanks for reviewing it... it really makes me write faster.

**POV: **Mixed but mostly Sam's

**Disclaimer: **don't own Degrassi ...

* * *

**_Chapter 8_**

Sam had introduced Jennifer to Alex about a month ago. Sam knew Jen from her physics lab class and as far as Sam knew, Alex and Jen had been on a few dates together before the exams had hit them. Although, Sam had kept her questioning to a minimum, she now felt a need to intervene after noticing how laid-back Alex's attitude was towards Jen. Alex was taking it very slow, which would've been alright if Jennifer was also on the same page.

"Okay Alex, what is wrong with this picture?  
It's a Friday, the second last day of our second semester together, a very beautiful spring day of May, and you sitting in front of a TV?  
Shouldn't we be 'out there' doing something?"

Sam said the last part pointing out the window as she came and sat down next to Alex. This couch in the TV room had become Alex's favorite hang out spot since their last exam two days ago, and now it was beginning to irritate Samantha.

Alex had already gotten a job in a local store in Ajax for the summer that was supposed to start next week, and they were both scheduled to leave for home in two days; Alex to Ajax and Samantha to Oshawa, in the same bus.

"We're having fun, aren't we? That's all that matters Sam, and 'inside' is actually better considering how hot it is outside. Besides I wanna spend time with you since I might not see you for next three months…" Alex said countering Sam's objections.

"Hey, Ajax isn't that far from Oshawa, expect to see me every two weeks and let me correct you, you're not spending time with me right now, you're watching a re-run of a show that's running in its tenth season…" Sam said annoyingly.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt this way about CSI, would you like me to flip the channel?"  
Alex replied mischievously as a teasing smile appeared on her face.

"Alex, can you be serious for a sec? I need to talk to you about something."

Sam being serious was never a good sign for Alex.  
She behaved like Alex's subconscious mind and her brutally honest questions always made her think about things that she had zip-locked in some distant part of her brain, never to be touched again under any circumstances.

"I'm busy right now, can't we do that later Sam?"

"Well just answer me without cross questioning and I'll stop bugging you, and then you can go back to watching your stupid CSI."

"Okay, what is it?"  
She asked in obvious irritation.

"How's it going with you and Jen?"

"Good, I guess."  
She replied jadedly.

"How good?"

"Sam, we just started dating. What are you expecting us to do, fall in love?"

"No, I'm not expecting you to fall in love, but I was expecting you to be a little more enthusiastic about this whole thing. I mean, you're going to Ajax in two days. Don't 'you' think you should be spending this time with your girlfriend? Hell, you were more excited about going skinny dipping last Christmas than you are about Jen…"

"She's not my girlfriend. We're just dating."  
Alex snapped back at Sam

"… and that skinny-dipping seemed like fun until I landed in the freezing fucking cold water and almost got the frost bit. Now I've learned how deceiving '_fun_' can be and '_excitement_' is totally over-rated…"  
Alex had reverted to her jovial mood.

"Well, good to know that you feel that way, 'cos apparently Jen seems to agree with you."  
Sam said in anger and then suddenly regretted every word she had just uttered in her annoyance as she saw how tensed Alex had suddenly become.

"What are you trying to say?"  
Alex asked.

"Alex, I think she's getting tired of the wait…"  
There was no point in beating around the bush any longer; she had to be honest with Alex.

"Did Jen tell you that?"

"Not in these exact words…"  
She replied meekly.

"What exactly did she say?"  
Alex was going to get to the bottom of this.

"… that she wants to keep it open…"

"So there's someone else?"

"I don't know, there might be…"

"Let's go and find out together…"

Alex said turning off the TV as she rushed out the door.  
Sam hurried after her.

* * *

On the way out of the building, Alex had taken her cell phone out and was now dialing Jennifer's cell number. Sam silently observed Alex's actions as she tried to keep up with Alex's pace.

It was interesting for Sam to see that Jen's number was neither on the speed dial nor in the phone's memory. Alex didn't have it memorized either. In her hand, Alex held a torn piece of a paper that once belonged to a newspaper and Sam recognized it from a month ago. She had given the paper to Alex with Jen's number on it in her own handwriting.

It was apparent to Sam by Alex's behavior that she did not consider Jennifer her girlfriend. What was not justified was the frenzy and rage that Sam had just witnessed in Alex's eyes. Alex had swiftly walked in and out of the girlfriend territory, from ten minutes ago being totally detached to now being head on possessive.

Something did not fit in with the rest of the picture and Sam had no idea as to what it was. Analyzing what was not right was something Sam had to put off for a later time because at the time, she was busy listening to Alex's conversation with Jen on the phone.

The tone of Alex's voice was the most infuriating that she had ever heard from Alex.

Had somebody else told her that her sweetest and most unpretentious friend was even capable of owning that much anger inside her, she would not have believed it. However, now, she was thankful that Alex was not her foe.

Setting all formalities aside, Alex had come directly to the point as Sam listened.

"Jen, where are you?"

"I am coming over to your place Jen, are you in?"

"I told you, I'm on my way to your apartment, are you there?"

Although Alex was boiling with fury, Sam observed how patiently she had asked Jen the same questions without letting her rage take over, and from what Sam had heard, Jen had not answered Alex's questions.

_'Not a good idea Jen… just tell her where you are. When your angry girlfriend,'  
_Sam corrected herself in her thoughts…_  
'…the angry girl you've been dating for a whole month calls to ask you where you are, usually it's better to just give her a straight answer…'_

"Are you gonna tell me where you are or am I gonna have to look all over the Toronto fuckin' U for you?"

Heads turned and people stared in their direction as they both rushed through the pool of people while Alex articulated profanities at Jen over the phone; and then she turned it off.

Sam had no idea what Jen said but she dared not ask Alex. Her curiosities were answered soon as Alex directed her interrogation towards her.

"Do 'you' know where she might be…?"

_'That actually was your job to find out.'_  
"I don't know, but she was gonna go out for the soccer trials tomorrow…"

"…the soccer field."  
Alex bluntly declared their next stop.

"Alex, are you sure you wanna do this? I mean if she doesn't want to see you then…"  
Sam tried to be the voice of reason to her angry friend.

"It's not about that Sam. She's not gonna treat me like shit and then get away with it…"

"What are you gonna do?"  
Sam asked when she already had assumed the worst.  
She had never seen this side of Alex and something told her that this day was going to turn out to be much unexpected than she had imagined it to be earlier, sitting in that TV room.

* * *

As they walked on the soccer field, it took them no time to spot Jen. Jen in her soccer playing attire, was sitting on the bleachers. Another girl in similar clothing, stood in front of her and whose hands were caressing Jen's face.

It was obvious Jen and the other girl was more than just friends.  
As shocked, as Sam was by that sight, she was about to get more shocked by what she witnessed right after.

Alex had left her side and had grabbed a random guy who was walking passed them.  
Alex was now intensely kissing the guy she didn't even know. The kiss had become deeper and longer and everybody around them was staring at Alex and the guy.

There was some cat calling and hooting that had started but Sam was just trying to comprehend what was going on.

After Alex was sure she had everybody's attention in that soccer field, including Jen and the other girl, Alex abruptly ended the kiss, and left the guy enthralled. She hastily walked towards Jen, shoved the other girl away and addressed Jen.

"Now we're even."

That was all she said to Jen before she walked off the soccer field.  
Sam followed right behind her.

* * *

Neither of them had said a word since they had left the soccer field and then Sam slightly touched her shoulder as she almost tested the waters.  
Alex turned her face to look at Sam while they continued to walk aimlessly.

"… remind me to never date anyone you ever set me up with…"  
Alex said casually

"and Alex… _excitement_ is not over rated…"

Sam said smiling and Alex agreed by smiling in return.

* * *

**TBC**

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	9. Chapter 9

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**A/N: **sorry for the tiniest chapter... just wanted to post something before going further into the story.  
the first part continues from chapter 4, and the second part continues from chapter 8.

**Disclaimer:** don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 9_**

"Did you go to meet your mom before coming here?"

"Yeah as much as it hurts to see her like that, I did."  
Alex replied while she set plates on the dinning table.

"No change, Huh?"

"She almost sounded proud when I told her that I'm doing well. But yeah, she's still with Chad with no intentions of leaving him…"

"Did you talk to her about coming here…"

"Yeah I told her about your offer and to at least think about it. I don't think she's gonna take it up though… I couldn't stay there for long, didn't want Chad to find out that I was there…"

"Alex, sometimes there's only so much we can do for people we love and that just has to be enough, and we can't continue to blame ourselves or them for it."

'_Yeah like Paige tried to help me but she just couldn't…'_  
"…It just hurts sometimes…"

"I know sweetheart, I know…"

Eliza said giving Alex a sympathetic look. She always could tell when Alex zoned out into her own world.

"Why don't you go clean up…? I'm gonna set up the dinner. I cleaned up the room for you so you can go to bed early tonight if you like…"

"Okay. Thanks Eliza. It's good to back here."

"It's good to have you back dear."

* * *

Alex and Samantha were sitting in the 'Second cup' sipping their coffees.  
Their new semester had started a few weeks ago and they had settled back into the university life again.

"So do you remember the guy you kissed before we left for the summer, Chris Buckley?"  
Sam's intrigue was obvious in her voice.

"Is that what his name is?"  
Alex chuckled giving Sam the _'and I'm supposed to care because…'_ look

"Well as it turned out, he's in the swimming team…"

"Sam."  
Alex said loudly than she had intended to.  
_"_Why are we still talking about him?"

"One, because he's popular, and two, because he has a crush on you. You know Brian Stewarts from our Biology class is also in the swimming team and he told me that Chris told him that he likes you…"

"You're annoying me Sam, and we're not in high school anymore so you can stop talking like that now…"

"Okay tell me what's so wrong with going out with him. Just a couple of dates that is all I'm asking. It'll be a good distraction for you…"

"Sam, did you miss the part when I told you that I'm a lesbian?"

"I know that, but he doesn't and you're the one who kissed him?"

"… And you want to guilt me into going out with him?"

"Yes…"

"And now the big question, why?"

"You know Alex, what you did back then was the coolest thing I've ever seen you do, and you owe him for you know…"  
Having had a glimpse of Alex's anger a few months ago, Samantha refrained herself from finishing the sentence.

"Sucking up is of no use Sam. I'm not going out with him. Not now, not ever…"  
Alex said firmly.

"…And break his heart?"

"It's better than leading him on or lying to him. Besides, I've never been the one for a popularity contest…"

"Weren't you like the vice president in your senior year of high school?"

"Yes and it wasn't so I could be popular…"

"…Then why?"

"I can't believe I'm just finding out how shallow you are Sam."

Alex had given Samantha a friendly shove and just then, a familiar voice called Alex's name and startled her.

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly Review... it'll help me post faster. Thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**A/N: **ok so to end the suspence... here goes...  
thanks for the reviews... it really makes me write faster and gives me an idea as to what your expectations are... thanks.

**Disclaimer: **don't own Degrassi ...

* * *

**_Chapter 10_**

"Alex!"  
Alex turned around to look in the direction of where the familiar voice had come from.

"Carla?"  
Alex was having trouble believing her eyes. For some reason, she had thought that she would never see Carla again but this pleasant surprise had truly made her happy. Carla almost reminded her of Degrassi even though she had nothing to do with that place.

"Hi Alex… how are you?"  
Carla said in her perkiest voice and gave Alex a hug without waiting for her to get up from her chair.

"Good."  
It was all that Alex was able to congregate at the sight of her ex-girlfriend, who'd become more beautiful since the last time Alex had seen her.  
Her hair had grown longer and with her bright eyes, gray skirt and white collared shirt, she looked very elegant to say the least.  
Alex found herself speechless.

"You look nice Alex…"  
Carla complemented Alex giving her a cute smile as her hand rested on Alex's shoulder and where it stayed for a while longer.

"Thanks…"  
Alex answered timidly.

"Oh my god, Alex! do you go to Toronto U?"  
She asked excitedly as she put the pieces of the puzzle together.

"Yeah…"  
Alex replied with the humblest smile as the expression of 'you caught me' appeared on her face. Alex, still astonished by Carla's presence, blatantly stared at her.

"So…"

Sam kicked Alex from under the table that brought Alex out of her trance.  
She embarrassedly stood up and introduced Samantha and Carla to each other.

"Oh sorry. This is my friend Samantha, and this is Carla…"

"Hi Samantha, nice to meet you…"  
Carla politely said to Sam.

"Nice to meet you too Carla."

"So, you still go here?"  
Alex cursed herself in her head for asking the obvious.

"Yeah, still do. So Alex, why don't you give me a call sometime, we should talk, okay?"

"Yeah, I will …"  
Alex obediently agreed.

"Bye Alex. I still can't believe this. It was so nice to bump into you like this…"

"Yeah. Me too."

Carla hugged Alex once again before she left.

"Who was she?"  
Sam asked Alex who still seemed to be on another planet.

"Carla."

"I got that part, Alex. I meant, what's she to you?"

"She was my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend."  
Alex replied as she settled back in her chair.

"Ah, interesting reaction to meet your ex Alex.  
By the way, how many ex-girlfriends do you have exactly?"

"Shut up."  
Samantha received back the kick that she had given Alex earlier.

"You were like totally dumbfounded by that chic… correction… still are.  
Are you still into her or something…?"

"Don't be silly Sam. She's my ex."

"Show me where it says, you can't have a thing for your ex? In fact my theory clearly explains why you stopped blinking the whole time, she was here."

"I don't have a 'thing' for her…"  
Alex gave Sam an irritated look.

"That's not what it looked like to me and she was totally flirting with you…"

"No she wasn't…"

"…You guys must've broken up on good terms, if you're defending her like this…"  
Sam wasn't sure what was going on with Alex. She had never seen Alex react like this to anyone before.

"No, we didn't. She actually dumped me."

"If she dumped you, why was she flirting with you?"

"She wasn't flirting, she was just being friendly."

"Are you gonna tell me that you didn't notice that she hugged you twice for no reason, complemented on how 'nice' you looked, left her hand on your shoulder for longer than necessary and flaunted smiles at you. If that's not flirting… what is?"

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

_'Denial… the refusal to accept reality and to act as if an unlikable event, thought or feeling did not exist.'_  
She could feel Dr. Hanson talking inside her head.

"… Are you gonna call her?"

"…May be…"

"Hope you have better luck with 'that' conversation…"

Alex knew that Sam was right. Carla was flirting with her. However, she did not understand why she had reacted this way to Carla. There was definitely a sense of comfort she had felt being around Carla again but she had to find out if she still had feelings for Carla and she had to find it out soon.

* * *

"Jay?"

"Yeah?"

"It's me, Alex."

"Nunez?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"Here, in Toronto."

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly Review... it'll help me post faster. Thanks for reading.  
so do u want Alex to date Carla or no... let me know...**


	11. Chapter 11

**revised may 14, 08  
**

Don't forget to check out the video part 1 thru my profile.  
TruCallin had been working on a video diary for my fic for a while ... Thank you **Tru**.

**A/N: **many thanks to Marbs for proof reading and all other help.  
the chapter starts where the timeline of chap 2 and 4 had ended. i think there was the first para in chap 9 too but that can go with both the timelines...  
anyhow... hope u like it.  
pls review... it'll help me improve and write faster...

**Disclaimer: **i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 11_**

Alex had taken the bus back from Ajax to Toronto, on Friday evening, in order to get back at 'the residence' before it got dark.

At the end of her third year, she and Samantha had become eligible for an apartment house with two bedrooms that they now had been sharing for past one and a half years.  
The semester exams had been over and most students had left the campus to spend the holidays with their families. Because of this, it had become very quiet in the campus area.

Although, it was supposed to be dark by the time Alex got off the bus, the snowfall had made it look brighter.  
Wearing her long winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves, Alex walked on the snow-covered pathway as she fought the winds to get to her apartment building from the bus station. She could still see a few people on the sidewalks who were fast pacing to wherever they lived.

As much as Alex hated having been stuck in the campus over the weekend just before Christmas, she really had no choice in the matter.  
Dr. Wickham had specifically asked her to finish the result tabulation before she left for the Christmas holidays.  
Alex had earlier thought that she might be allowed to drop it off right after Christmas but Dr. Wickham did not trust students to be responsible enough to report back quickly after Christmas holidays. He had refused her plea of late drop off and had ruined her plans of spending a week in Ajax.

Alex had taken the assistant research job to augment her resume and not because of how much they paid her. If money were of any concern to her, she would have resigned a long time ago. Two weeknights with extra hour shifts during the weekend along with her course load was a little too hectic for her but with no social life, she had managed it fairly well. The other two volunteers had flamed out in the very first month making Alex the sole survivor of Dr. Wichkam's torture cell. Dr. Wickham was not a very easy person to get along with either especially with his constant critical looks on everything she did. Alex had put her personal feelings aside and had worked hard to get the project done; she knew it was after all for a bigger cause.

* * *

Alex woke up at seven o'clock on Saturday, as she had on most of her Saturdays, the past year. After a hot cup of coffee, she headed for a quick shower.

The absence of her friend Samantha she felt immensely this day as she thought of the long companionship that they had shared for past three and a half years. The next semester was their last together before they were supposed to head their separate ways as far as their academics were concerned.

The morning was as cold as the previous night as she walked her way to the Donnelly CCBR to work on Dr. Wickham's research project.  
She knew that the dear doctor would already be there waiting for her to come and would criticize her with his throat tics if she were late by even a second.

For last two years, she had been working in Toronto during the Christmas time and hadn't been able to visit Ajax at all. During her summers, something had always come up, whether it was a summer job or her visit to Calgary that had prevented her from spending time with Eliza and Ben and to compensate for that she had set aside this week in Ajax, a plan that had now been ruined by Dr. Wickham.  
As angry as she had been at him, she had no plans of confronting him. She just wanted to finish the project, over the weekend and then wanted to join Jay and Manny for the rest of the holidays.

There was something about Christmas season, which always made her feel lost and lonely. It was the reason why she preferred to spend Christmas holidays in Toronto. This way she could be closer to her mom.  
This Christmas had not been any different but she had consoled herself by the prospect of the coming March break when she was finally getting to spend time with the Elliott's.  
She was excited about the whole venture and had already invited Samantha to join her on the cottage trip.

Alex had also been a little relieved that the next semester was going to be her last before she could finally start her Masters program, which she hoped to be a more hands-on experience for her.

* * *

After finishing the lab work, Alex bundled herself up with warm clothing, to deal with yet another cold night and started walking towards her apartment building.  
Enjoying the display of Christmas décor in the closed shops in downtown streets, she had walked past an office window. Inside, she saw the familiar face of Marco Del Rossi wearing glasses; his head immersed in files. Alex was suddenly confronted by the dilemma of whether to greet him or walk away. She checked the closing hours of the office and walked away.

* * *

It was nearly four o'clock on Sunday evening when she recollected all her courage and entered the office. The man jingled the rehearsed phrase in honor of the holiday season, which was also her cue to leave.

"Sorry Miss, office is going to close now because of the holiday season. I'm gonna have to apologize. If you're just dropping off an application, please put it in the mailbox by the desk, otherwise we'll open the day after Christmas. Happy holidays."

"Marco"

He looked up as he tried to recognize her face even though she hadn't changed much.

"…Alex?"

It was four years ago since they had last seen each other.  
He had just started university and she had just finished her high school; now he was a social worker.

That night, the two old friends met again, talked, cried and washed away the pains and bad memories of the past years.  
In the end, all was forgiven.

Despite Dr. Wickham's efforts, the Christmas had turned out to be better than what Alex had anticipated.

* * *

**TBC**

**reviews r love. ****... they help me post faster. Thanks for reading.  
i don't know what kind of changes u wanna see in Alex... i think they are there...  
her behavior is different than what it used to be... with friends and all...  
she's definitely more forgiving...(marco) and less confronting (dr. wickham's case)...  
there are other subtle changes as well...  
she's less violent ... do u wanna see a counsellings session or something then let me know...**

**let me know how i could've improved.**** let TRU know if u liked the video.**


	12. Chapter 12

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**A/N: **i don't know about this chapt... i mean u guys asked for a therapy session... so here you have it...

i didn't want to make it so serious even though the topic is more than serious... thanks andtototoo for helping me with this topic and research...

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, don't own google either...  
and there's no such saying as 'healing starts with optimism' , i made it up... although i think it should be... anyway... hope you like it...

* * *

**_Chapter 12_**

"Alex… so it's been a while since the last time you paid us a visit …"  
Dr. Hanson commented on her recent absence and cancellations of her scheduled therapy sessions.

"Yeah I know I'm supposed to be consistent about this and all but I had gone back to Ajax for the summer…"

* * *

Last year Brandon had recommended that she go to the health center. Although, she was a little reluctant at first, she had finally decided to try it.

Surely, spending a few months in Ajax had made her a stronger person. It had also revitalized her pride and had given her courage to be back on her feet again. It had even helped her mending her heart a bit. But being back in Toronto had brought up its own set of insecurities and feelings that had made her understand that she hadn't really dealt with any of the reasons why she had gone to Eliza in the first place.

The fact that she had nowhere else to go to except the shelter and this was because her mom had picked Chad over her own daughter was still a painful thought for her. Alex was angry with her mom but there wasn't anything she could do about it. Her mom had made her choice. Nevertheless, it was still something Alex had to come to terms with and it required a lot more than a few mere months.

As limited as her association was with the club Zanzibar, she still feared of bumping into somebody who could recognize her from there. The fact that she did not intend to talk to her old friends was also something she had to deal with.

To top it all, she was well aware of the pressures of starting the university and having her past bottled up inside was bound to create speed bumps along the way, so she decided to seek professional help.  
Brandon had told her that first semester was usually a time when most students referred to the student health center anyway and that there was no shame in seeking help if you need it.

Alex knew she needed to talk to someone. Sure, she had confided in Brandon, Eliza and Samantha but there was only so much that they could help her with.  
She needed a 'professional' help at least that was what Brandon had suggested and obviously he had evaluated her situation enough to recommend this to her.

Alex still thought of them as 'shrinks', which was an interesting word, she had always thought. Just before her appointment, she had google'd the word to lessen some of the nervousness and to see what was to be expected. The word 'headshrinker' was used for the actual word psychiatrist or a psychologist, and if she ignored the graphical sense of the word 'headshrinker', it meant someone who shrunk your 'problems' and not your head; a relief indeed, into a reasonable size for you so you could at least begin to deal with them. Alex was perfectly okay with that notion.

* * *

Stacey was the middle-aged secretary who worked at the front desk at Dr. Hanson's clinic. Alex had called Stacey for an appointment two days ago and luckily was inserted into the time slot that was left vacant by another one of his patients.

Alex had been coming for counseling sessions for a whole year now and had begun to understand how the whole thing worked.  
Before the actual session, Stacey always asked her to fill out a questionnaire sheet, which Alex referred to as 'the pop-quiz', which, 'for the record'… she still hated.  
The questionnaire consisted of a bunch of questions about the present complaint and symptoms along with two sets of grading questions; one about any recent mood changes and a second set about effects since the last treatment. This day was no different. After filling out the form, Alex gave it back to Stacey who then led her into Dr. Hanson's office.

The office was a big room with two portions; one portion had a desk in one corner and bookshelf and file closet in the other. Alex had never seen Dr. Hanson sitting in that part.  
The other portion was the typical couch and sofa kind of a setting, which was well decorated with paintings and flowers that were fake, probably to avoid allergy accidents.  
Alex had come and sat on the couch that faced a big sign on the wall that read,  
'Healing starts with Optimism'.

* * *

The session always started with Dr. Hanson grading the pop quiz and then proceeding from there. First, he started by asking her about any recent changes in her life, school, and friends and then proceeded to what he wanted to discuss that day.

Dr. Hanson had asked Alex to keep a diary of all her sessions and everything that was discussed in them. He believed it to be a good way to assess if 'they' were making any progress.  
Although, it might be a treatment strategy, Alex still liked that Dr. Hanson always referred to her sessions as 'their' sessions as if he was also getting something out of them. It just made him more likable by Alex.

Alex mostly came with her own questions that she wanted clarified and those were discussed after the actual sessions. Today what she was excited about was Jay and how she had finally told him that she was back in Toronto.

Dr. Hanson had clarified how Alex's past affected her future. He had explained to her the importance of having a past and a future; and how time influenced the present in either the form of nostalgia, regret and resentment or as anticipation, planning, expectation, hope and despair; which if correctly attended to, could lead to personal growth and fulfilling lives.

Alex had gathered that Dr. Hanson wanted her to think about her past as a good experience and learn from it instead of condemning it. He had asked her to try to reach out to people she could in her past, and to maintain contact with them if she could. His advice had caused Alex to call her mom earlier and now after a year, she finally was strong enough to call Jay.

* * *

Alex's earliest sessions were about her childhood experiences.  
Dr. Hanson had conducted a series of assessment studies on her that mostly consisted of long questionnaires. After the results, he had asked her to come for her first session.

"Alex, you've come from a single parent home with a mom who was constantly in abusive relationships and who relied on alcohol to ease her pain … how did that make you feel?"  
Dr. Hanson asked.

"It felt like hell actually. Sorry."  
Alex replied.

"It's all right Alex. It's okay to be angry."

"It sucked, it really sucked. When I was young I just used to get scared, you know, I used to lock myself in my room and used wait for it to be over…"

"hmmm…"  
Dr. Hanson motioned Alex to continue.

"I'd cry in my room and then I'd fall asleep. Once I got older, I started helping my mom, you know give her ice for her bruises or bandage her, and I'd talk to her while she cried and then I would cry too…"  
Alex paused before continuing,  
"And then one day, I had enough of them hitting my mom like that and I started fighting back. I started yelling at them and cursing them. This used to make them angry and they yelled back and told my mom to make me shut up…"

"How did that make you feel?"

"Better. It made me feel better but it scared me at the same time that they would come after me."

"Did you do something to protect yourself?"

"Yeah. I'd run outside if things got out of control."

"Go where?"

"Just out, mostly to the shelter, if it got too late."

"Alex, did any of your mom's boyfriend's every hurt you?"

"Well, they never hit me on purpose, no, but if I was in the way, I did got shoved a lot."

"What did you do then, Alex?

"I'd run out, go to Jay's and would ice myself up. What else could I do?"  
Alex helpless had asked.

"Well you could tell someone about it, did you ever consider that Alex? Did you ever talked to your Mom about it?"

"I couldn't tell anyone, I just couldn't. I talked to my Mom though, told her that she was better than all the losers she was dating; she heard me but she never really listened. She would break up and get back with some other loser the day after."

"How'd that make you feel?"

"I hated that my mom was being like this..."

"Did you ever think it was your fault?"

"No, it wasn't."

"You're right Alex, it wasn't your fault." He paused for a few seconds, "Did you Mom's behavior bother you?"

"I pretended it didn't but it did. I started staying out a lot more, started hanging out with friends a lot, and got a job so I could help my mom with the rent so we wouldn't need anybody. I hated being around them so I tried staying out for as long as I could."

"Does it feel better to talk about it now?"  
Dr. Hanson asked.

"Yes, I guess."

"Good. Alex, how were things at school during this time?"

"Not that good…"

Alex said with a sigh as she remembered what it used to be like back then.  
"I skipped a lot and got bad grades."

"Did you get in trouble because of it?"

"Not really, Mr. Raditch told my mom who didn't care anyway so it all worked out in the end…" Alex said sarcastically.

"Did you get in trouble with other kids in school?"

"Ha… did I?"  
Alex mocked the question.

"I take it you did."

"Well, the old Alex did."

"The old Alex?"  
Dr. Hanson asked, not sure of what Alex meant.

"I mean, before I met Paige, I did."  
Alex explained.

"We'll talk about Paige a bit later, Is that all right with you?

"Yeah."

"So before you met Paige, what kind of trouble did you used to get into?"

"All kinds, we got stoned, got into fights, stole…"

"Did you ever think you did that because you were angry?"

"What I had to live through everyday, I hated it. I was angry. I had almost started to think I deserved it."

"You didn't…"

"Yeah, but nobody said I didn't until later…"

"I'm sorry, Alex…"

"Its okay, it wasn't your fault"  
Alex said wiping the tears.

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly Review... and tell me how i could've improved. **

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi...

* * *

**_Chapter 13_**

"Do you have any questions before we start today, Alex?"

"No."

"Okay then, the last time you were here, we talked about how you were getting in trouble with other kids at school. So let's start from there."

"Okay."

"You said it made you feel better and less angry, Is that right?"

"Yeah."

"And stealing and fighting, did that help with the anger?"

"It did."

"Have you considered that your behavior was a result of how you felt because of the abuse that went on in your house?"

Alex just shrugged her shoulders.

"Well Alex, based on the results from the tests that we took earlier and what we've talked about so far, we have a fairly good idea about what's going on with you. You are suffering from what's called a secondary post-traumatic distress disorder."

Alex remained quiet as she tried to fathom what Dr. Hanson had just told her.

"Have you heard of it Alex?"

"Yeah, Ms. Sauvé explained it to us last year."

"Would you like me to explain it further?"

"I guess."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder is an anxiety disorder. This kind of medical disorder affects approximately 1 in 10 people. They are among the most common of mental health problems. The disorder can become so severe that the individual may find it difficult to lead a normal life. Before we go any further, do you have any questions Alex?"

"No, you can keep going Dr. H."

"Feel free to interrupt me any time, all right?"  
He said before he continued,  
"Post-traumatic stress disorder is caused by a psychologically traumatic event involving actual or threatened death or serious injury to oneself or others. Such triggering events are called 'stressors'; they may be experienced alone or while in a large group."

"…but I didn't have any of that, I mean, I have never even had a serious injury, let alone a near death experience…"

"Yes, that is why I referred to your case as a secondary one. Although, you may not have been a victim yourself of the physical trauma, you've definitely been confronted and have witnessed the traumatic events in your house, and your symptoms are the same as of a person who's been directly affected."

"Really, that can happen?"  
Dr. Hanson nodded in reply.

"And what I feel now, because of last year, it's the same thing? 'cause it feels worse."

"Well, the initial stage of the trauma may have been your childhood when you witnessed your mom getting abused and that may have caused some depressive symptoms and anxiety in your childhood and during your adolescent years."_  
_He stopped to take a breath and to make sure Alex was following him.  
"And then there was a second stage where a similar traumatic incident or set of circumstances occurred that triggered the full-blown post-traumatic stress disorder."

"So what I have now is like the second stage of this disorder? …which feels worse?"

"I know its too much information Alex, to take all at once. I will give you some more information to read on this and you can call my office anytime if you have any questions, okay?"

"Yeah…"

Dr. Hanson then slowly explained to Alex the symptoms of what he thought she was suffering from…

"The abuse you experienced during your childhood may have made you prone from being angry, feeling guilty or feeling responsible for things that weren't your fault, to avoiding similar situations that made you feel that way. It may have put you on alert for the next blow and therefore more prone to injury, because of the 'emotional holding pattern'. In situations like this, people sometimes build a shell around themselves to protect themselves. It may very well have a hand in you showing aggression to others in the service of a cause that you thought was noble."

Alex had instantly thought of Rick and how at the time, she had presumed it to be okay to hurt him physically.

"The stealing and fighting were your methods of acting out to ease the anxiety that you felt."

Although, Dr. Hanson had been thorough, Alex still did not understand what she was feeling now.

"But it's not the anger that I feel now, it's something else. It's like I'm sick, but I know I'm not." Alex smiled at her own question, "Does this make any sense?"

"Most people suffering with this disorder may be less likely to let go of the emotional impact of the trauma while the somatic pattern may take form of physical illness such as headaches, tiredness or even clinical depression. Tell me, do you feel like you're not yourself or feel any of these symptoms like more tired, sleepy, less energetic than before or guilty …?"

"Yes, I do feel a bit all of these…"  
Alex replied.

"Okay so you may be suffering from depression as a cause of the PTSD. The good news is that there is treatment available to help you with this. We will try to treat your depression first and any other symptoms that you might have as well. For PTSD, we will go with pills, talk therapy, group therapy or a combination of all. Do you think we should proceed Alex?"

"Yes, Dr. H."

* * *

This month, 'their' session was based on self-exploration.  
Dr. Hanson had advised Alex to write her feelings down so they could explore them, understand them, live and face them. Whether it was anger, feelings of abandonment or any other fears, he wanted her to be aware of them and then instead of avoiding those feelings, deal with them.

He had explained to Alex that trying to adjust to them before understanding them could cause her frustration and more pain instead of relief.

Alex had heard his every word and had started keeping a journal where she wrote down all her unwanted emotions. This exercise had helped her getting an insight into their occurrences and had equipped her enough so she could respond to them appropriately and even control them.

Alex had surprised herself when after seeing Jen with another girl at the soccer field, she had not just gone and hit anybody instead she had remained calmed and had controlled her anger to some extent.  
The changes in Alex were incomparable to how she had been just a year ago and Alex felt proud of how far she had come.

* * *

**TBC  
**

**kindly Review... thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 14

**revised may 14, 08**

answering some q's first:  
1-okay, yes Paige will come... and i wanted her to come fairly early that's why i'd started with different time lines so i could put her in one of those and run their story side by side but then i realized how angry some people were with Paige still so now the story is more focused on Alex...  
but Paige will come and hopefully we'll be able to like her once again...  
2-i didn't want to make story too long either but my chapters are fairly small... which makes it easier for me to update more frequently... hope thats okay.  
3-there was a q about Marco and their convo... i might/might not bring it up depending on whether i feel it necessary, but i think its pretty obvious what must've happened... someone asked if they talked about Paige... you'll find out...

thanks toto for the help and research. :)

**A/N: **Jay's chapter -- just so Alex can have some heart to heart talk with him and in return give us some more insight into Alex's character.  
R&R and let me know what you want and i'll try to add it in.

**Disclaimer: **i dont own degrassi, trust me.

* * *

**_Chapter 14_**

Being back here after such a long time, though it felt different to Alex, yet it was still very much the same. The place was still as messy as Alex remembered it with the same aroma of aftershave that Jay, her friend, wore.

They had come in as Jay lead the way and they had both sat down on the couch. After a few minutes of sitting quietly, Alex addressed him.

"Jay"  
He had completely turned away from her.

"Come on Jay, don't be like this."  
Alex said convincingly but Jay still didn't respond.

"You picked me up from the campus, drove me all the way to your house and now you won't talk to me?"  
Alex was intrigued.

"Why, are you the only one who's allowed to be mad?"

"Would you at least look at me? It's hard to talk to your back …"

"you're lucky you still have my back…"

"No jay, I'm lucky to have 'you' and 'your back'. I know what I did was wrong and I hurt you but I 'had' to do it. It was too painful to stay here, so I ran away. Away from you. Away from my mom. Away from everything else. I know it's too much to ask at this point but I was hoping you'd understand and would someday forgive me."

"So you couldn't call to let me know where you were. It never occurred to you that I might be looking for you. Do you have any idea what I didn't do to find you? Do you have any idea …?"

His voice became heavy so he stopped. She noticed that she was crying too. After what seemed like hours, she started again.

"Jay please, it's hard as it is..."  
He turned to her.

"When did you come back?"  
He asked.

"Last year I applied to Toronto U and got in so I moved to the campus."

"So you've been in Toronto for more than a year and you tell me now?  
She could tell he was getting angry again.

"I just couldn't Jay, it was hard…"

"Alex?"

"I was a wreck when I moved to Ajax and it took me three months to not wake up thinking about all that had happened. I got a job and I started checking out universities. I can't explain how happy I was when I got in at Toronto U. I finally had things back on track and I didn't want to be reminded of anything I had left, I couldn't…"

"And how was calling me gonna do that?"

"Don't you get it Jay? Mel was right. Working at club Zanzibar, it affected me more than I thought it did. It was one of the reasons; I ended up that way…"

"I thought it was your mom and breaking up… you know…"

"It was a whole bunch of things…working at the Zanzibar, my mom and the relationship stuff…"

"Wow Lexi and I thought it was all because of 'her'…"

"Jay, no matter how messed up I was back then, I still doubt that just 'her' could've done all that to me but I'm still working on figuring that part out…"

"Huh?"

"Dr. Hanson and I are working on figuring this out…"

"…Who's that?"

"He's my therapist…"

"'A 'shrink', you're seeing a shrink…"  
he chuckled and got a slap on this back.

"Yes and for a year now and he's helped me a lot…"

"Oh yeah, with drugs?"  
Alex saw a smirk appear on his face.

"Hey… you haven't changed much...have you?"  
He got a punch on his arm this time.

"Lexi, you've let me down; therapy and …"

"Come on Jay. You know better than anyone that with 'my' childhood, I needed to see someone. You probably need one too…"

"Hey, don't even say it casually…"  
He interrupted.

"Why? Are you trying to impress someone these days…?"

"May be…"

"Really, who?"  
She was eagerly staring at him for an answer.

"What?"  
Jay asked.

"You were gonna tell me who?"

"No I wasn't…"  
Jay was indifferent.

"Come on Jay. I have to check if she is good enough. I'm your friend, I get a say."  
She said pretentiously.

"No you don't, since I didn't have a say in any of the people you dated… well except one…"  
He pointed at himself, only to get a cushion thrown at him.

"Spill it or else…"  
she was serious.

"Santos."

"Seriously?"  
She narrowed her eyes disbelievingly but her delight was obvious.

"I take it, you approve…?"

"She's actually better than most girls I've seen you date, how'd you convince her to go out with you?"  
She teased.

"Excuse me but it was mutual, if I must say…"

"All the more reason for you to not mess it up."  
She advised.

"Lexi, I'm glad you're back …"

"Yeah me too…"  
she looked at him lovingly, which gave him courage to ask his next question.

"Okay, so tell me, are you dating anyone?"

"Nope."

"What… no? Do you want me to hook you up with someone, there's some 'new gals' at the ravine…"

"No thanks, I think I can manage on my own."  
she chuckled at his offer

"Come on, Lexi."

"No Jay, I think it was early as it was …"  
She said thinking.

"With what?"  
He didn't understanding what she meant.

"I dated this girl and well, she dumped me because I was taking it 'too slow', and then I met Carla and now I'm confused…"

"Ho…hold on. You met Carla. Where?"

"At the campus coffee shop…"

"Okay, I don't have to be a shrink to tell you this but stay away from any stuck-up bitches for the rest of your life. They'd just use you to boost their egos and dump you when they're done with you."  
The irritation was obvious in his voice, "I thought you already learned your lesson with… you know…"

"But I kinda felt something with Carla…"  
She said still confused.

"What you felt was gas going up from your stomach to your brain…"

"Jay…"  
Alex had started laughing.

"Seriously Alex, I know it's easy to get hung up on old flames but its time to move on. Ask that Dr. Hays or whatever his face, he'll tell you…"

"I can't believe you're collaborating with him…?"  
Alex grinned at her best friend, "I guess you're right..."

"Alex. I know I'm right."

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly keep those reviews coming.**


	15. Chapter 15

**revised may 14, 08  
**

**A/N: **ok, i want to finish this faster now... so u'r getting a long update and hopefully, paige will come in a couple of chapters... enjoy.  
thank you andtototoo for the only review i got for last chapter.  
no reviews no updates... its not a threat but please review.

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, don't own starbucks...  
and sorry for the errors and typos.**  
**

* * *

**_Chapter 15_**

Dr. Hanson had discussed with Alex how she had built a shell around herself before to keep people out and how she was doing it again by distancing herself from everything that tied her with her past. On the top of the list were people who used to be close to her, namely her mom and her old friends.

"… Contacting your mom and clearing the air with her is important because you were close to her and being mad at her would only cause you to be angry with yourself later. Besides, forgiving her will help you heal."

Therefore, one day she found the strength in her to call her Mom. She told her mom where she was and that she was doing well. She met her a few days after they talked about what she had been through since she had left. She told her Mom all about Eliza, and how she helped her and wanted to help her Mom too if she wanted to start over.

Jay was her best friend and he had known her most of her life. He understood her and once Alex felt she was ready to meet him again, she was convinced that he was the only person who could understand her reasons for keeping a low profile.

Alex also knew that Dr. Hanson was right when he had suggested her to do things she enjoyed,  
"…despite having been involved in many extracurricular activities during your high school, I notice you stay away from any activities at Toronto U that require you to trust others. Is it a coincidence or is there some other reason?"  
He had asked Alex on one of their sessions.

There was another reason, she had told Dr. Hanson.  
Alex was hiding herself from being discovered by her old friends. The friends who had let her down and the ones she was avoiding confrontations with; at least for now.

She knew two of them went to Toronto U and she was not ready to meet them yet.

"…well, I understand why you're doing this and I won't ask you to face them either if you're not ready but secluding yourself isn't the best way to deal with this. You're just missing out on life like this. There are things you would probably enjoy doing or want to try for the first time and aren't doing. Does that sound like a good plan?"

Alex agreed.  
It wasn't a good plan. Why was she putting her own life on halt for people who didn't even matter to her anymore. It was a very bad plan.

She enrolled herself in the Toronto U Lacrosse team and having played in a team before in high school, she got selected in the team easily.

* * *

"How'd it go?"

Sam had run to her as soon as she saw her entering the dorm building.  
She had been waiting in the TV room of Alex's dorm for over an hour now. Anxiously she was trying to read the magazine that she now had carelessly clutched in her hand. She knew Alex was supposed to meet Jay today and she eagerly wanted to know how it went.

Jay was one of the few people from Alex's past, Alex was extremely fond of. Not only Alex talked about him a lot, she spoke of him as if he was her family; so when Alex conveyed to her that she had finally phoned him and that he was coming to pick her up from Campus today, she had been more than excited for Alex.

"Are you gonna tell me or would I have to torture it out of you?"  
Samantha asked irritably.

"Huh? Tell you what?"  
Alex obliviously asked her. On looking closely, Samantha realized that Alex looked paler to her.

"Alex, are you okay?"  
Sam asked concernedly.

"Yeah."

"You sure, 'cos it looks like you've seen a ghost. Alex, what's wrong?"

"Carla was waiting by the dorm door. She asked me if I'd like to go out with her…"

"…Oh, what did you say?"

"I told her I'm very busy with stuff and it really isn't a good time…"

"Really? I thought you liked her..."  
Sam was confused.

"Sam I think I'm done dating stuck-up bitches…"

"So you're okay."  
Sam asked for a confirmation.

"More than okay."  
Alex realized how easily Jay had convinced her of this,  
"and I can't believe I said that to her face…" Alex said laughing.

"Wow Alex."

"So how'd it go with Jay?"  
Sam asked as they both walked up to Alex's room.

"… Good. Very good actually. I'm really happy I did this. I can't believe how long I'd been mulling over this, I was so worried and now I'm so relieved. It's like he was always there for me and we just started from where we'd left off. I'll introduce you to him someday…"

* * *

Alex could see Ellie walking toward her. Actually, she was walking toward the lacrosse field; she didn't even know Alex was sitting there.  
The second half of the game was about to start and Alex had just put her helmet on.  
It was then that she had bent down to tie her shoelaces and as soon as she had come back up again, she had seen Ellie coming toward her.

Everybody either was hydrating or was getting pointers on the game from the coaches. Nobody there cared who she was or what she was doing there except for Alex, who hadn't been able to look elsewhere since she had spotted Ellie. Ellie still looked the same with her red hair and black outfit but seemed more composed than before as she had evenly paced towards Coach Randall.

Alex knew she still wrote in 'the core' as she had casually come across some of Ellie's articles a few months ago. Alex had never tried to contact her even though she knew that they didn't spend their days too far from each other.

Alex threw a casual glance in Ellie's direction just to see what she was doing. She already knew that Ellie couldn't recognize her with her helmet on.

"This isn't a good time Miss Nash…"  
Alex heard Coach Randall tell Ellie as he looked at her business card.

"The second half is about to start and I have to coach the players. If you want to get an interview, come to my office tomorrow and we might be able to arrange something for you then."

"Coach Randall, this is for 'the Core'. We have Lacrosse as the highlighted sport of the month for our sports section and I hear the trials are starting next week. What better way is there to attract new players than by giving a good impression about your team through your star players' interview in 'the Core'?"

'Ellie still had it', Alex thought as she smiled at the little conversation Ellie had had with the coach.

"Okay Miss Nash, but you'll have to wait till the game is over. I can't risk breaking the concentration of my players. Trust me, if you want a good article, you'd want them to win."  
Coach Randall obviously had agreed for give an interview and Ellie had taken a seat in the corner bleacher.

Alex decided to ignore her for now as she headed to the field.  
The game was tied with a score of three each and Alex had every intention of winning it.

* * *

They had played a good game winning it by two goals. The players patted and congratulated each other and then started walking back to the locker room. The two assistant coaches were encouraging them while Coach Randall who was now talking to Ellie again, called Eve and Alex.  
"…Ineson, Nuñez… come over here…"

Alex who was the last person to walk off the field turned to him and saw Ellie standing not too far from her. She had completely forgotten about Ellie. She walked over to them along with Eve as she took her helmet off.

* * *

Coach Randall pointed to them as he introduced them to each other.

"…this is Eve Ineson, the team captain who plays center; and this is Alex Nuñez, the vice captain who plays left crease. They've been leading our team for past two years..."

"…and this is the star reporter of 'The Core', Miss Eleanor Nash, she wants to take an interview from you guys for her paper…"

"…the trials start next week so make sure to lure in new players guys …Good game by the way …"  
He patted Alex's and Eve's shoulders before he left them with Ellie.

Ellie still had not gotten over what she had seen a few seconds ago. The girl behind the helmet was none other than Alex, her friend and she was now blatantly staring at her. Alex, on the other hand was pretending that did not know Ellie. Eve broke the silence.

"Hi Eleanor…"  
Eve offered a handshake.

"Hi, just call me Ellie…"  
Ellie gave her usual smile while she took it.

"Hi Alex."  
Ellie now turned to Alex offering a shake.

"Hi."  
Alex replied casually while she still refused to recognize her; but took the hand anyway.

"Okay so, I wanted to ask you guys some questions about the sport and how it feels to be in the Lacrosse team of Toronto U…"

"Ellie… I think it'll be better if, may be we clean up first…"  
Eve interrupted Ellie.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that. Okay, so when do you guys wanna meet for the interview? You can come to 'the Core' later…"

"We're not coming to 'the Core'."  
Alex, who had let Eve do all the talking so far, interrupted Ellie bluntly.

"How about we meet you at the Starbucks, the one just across on college street, let's say in an hour or so?"  
Eve said as she scolded Alex with her eyes; She knew Alex was trying to be difficult.

"Okay, I'll see you both in an hour then…"  
Ellie waved goodbye and then left.

"I won't even ask you what that was about."  
Eve was asking Alex as soon as Ellie was gone.

"Good, 'cos I wasn't planning on telling…"  
Alex said coldly.

"Alex, you're the most levelheaded and rational person I've ever met in my life and just now I saw you turning into a grumpy two year old, who was totally acting out. So without asking you the reason, despite my curiosities, I would advice you to behave yourself a little in front of the media…"

"She's not the media, she's a local newspaper."  
Alex said irately.

"Yeah, the newspaper that can do a lot of good for our team. It's an authentic newspaper of Toronto U and is well recognized all over Toronto. A little good publicity of our team means more funding. So don't blow this up because you disapprove of the reporter…"

"Whatever."  
Alex gave her a short reply.

"I'm serious Nuñez. You're gonna give that interview and you're gonna behave yourself doing it. Let's hurry now, we don't wanna make her wait any longer than she has to… "

Eve said as she seized Alex's arm and dragged her to the lockers.

* * *

**TBC  
**

**kindly Review... thanks for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N: **some more Ellie. enjoy. pls R&R.

**Disclaimer: **don't own degrassi, don't own starbucks, don't own any of the characters of degrassi;  
the 8 or 9 i've created myself are my own.

* * *

**_Chapter 16_**

Alex followed Eve as she entered 'Starbucks' and spotted Ellie who was sitting in a corner, with a pile of papers in front of her. As engrossed as she was in her papers, she looked up at the sound of the door chime and waved for them to join her.

"Hi. I'm sorry, I just thought I should avail the hour and catch up on some of my reading for the media class."

Alex knew that the extra bit of information was intended for her since Ellie knew she wasn't going to ask her anything herself.  
Ellie still couldn't help staring at Alex every chance she got. Alex's little outburst hadn't really surprised her that much. She remembered how Alex had left the university house and Ellie was sure she was never going to see her again.

"Okay so let's start with coffee, my treat, since I'm the one troubling you on a Saturday; post a victorious game and on what seems like the hottest day of the summer."  
Ellie offered generously as they all sat down.

"Sure, coffee's good. What would you like me to get for you, Ellie…?"  
Eve asked as she tried to get up from the chair.

"No, Allow me."  
Ellie tried to get off her chair this time.

"No, it's alright…"  
…was Eve's reply

Alex snorted loudly as she looked at both of them while they politely offered to get coffee for each other. She received a stare from Eve in return and then Alex saw an evil grin appear on Eve's face.

"Ellie, I think Alex should get coffee for us…"

Eve thought it was the best way to handle Alex's childish behavior, by sending her to get coffee for everybody.  
Alex surprised Ellie when she stood up and only scowled at Eve, instead of giving a more violent response she had been known for, in the past.

"Fine. It's only fair since I already know what everyone drinks anyway."

* * *

"Here's your Caramel Macchiato 'captain'…and here's you're black coffee…"  
Alex said rolling her eyes at Eve as she put down their respective drinks on the table and sat down across them with her own iced tea.

"…shall we start then?"  
Ellie asked turning her recorder 'on' after taking a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah let's get this over with…"  
Alex whispered, showing her annoyance.

"Excuse me; first, I have a confession to make."  
Ellie looked up at them, "I'm not the regular sports writer of 'the core'.  
I was given this assignment yesterday because our regular guy quit so I'm a bit nervous,  
but I've been working with 'the core' for more than three years now so you have nothing to worry about…"  
Ellie explained.

"It's okay Ellie. We trust that you will present our team and us in the best way. Fire away."  
Eve looked impressed by Ellie's honesty.

"Thanks. Let us start. First question, Eve Ineson, how does it feel to lead one of the best teams in the college league…?"  
Eve asked.

"It's an honor to be the captain of the Lacrosse team of Toronto U… but I won't take the credit for leading this team as all of the players have worked equally hard to bring the team to this level."

"Alright, Alex Nunez, did you have any previous experience in this sport that prepared you to be a better player?"

"Yes, I used to play for my high school team which, I think, improved my game skills a lot."

"Thank you Alex."  
Ellie nodded and turned to Eve.

"Miss Ineson, what is that you guys do off the field as a team?"

"We do many things off the field. We often hang out together, go to dinner and have social gatherings. We really try to get to know each other off the field as well as on the field."

"Alex, when did you decide that you wanted to play for the lacrosse team and were you always interested in athletics…?"

"I tried for the team in my second year at the university and got selected. But no, I never considered myself an athlete, though I've been told that I was a natural lacrosse player by my high school coach Ms. Hatzalikos. I think that was the biggest encouragement for me to join the team."

"Hmm, I'm sure Ms. Hatzalikos will be glad to hear that Alex."  
Ellie smiled as she looked at Alex. It was obvious that she was trying to be professional about the interview but was not able to help but smile at the references of Degrassi.  
Alex returned a faint smile.

"Eve, could you tell us about the opportunities for the new players and what message will you give to them?"

"Our team is well recognized and we have world-class coaches, the opportunities are endless. And I'd like to encourage people to come for the trial next week and give it a shot. They might have it what it takes to be a team player after all."

"Last question Eve, would you tell us a bit about Alex?"  
Alex shifted uncomfortably in her chair at the audacity of the question while Ellie looked nervous by her own question and hesitantly elaborated on it further,  
"…I mean, as your vice captain?

"That's an easy one." Eve smiled, "Alex has been an excellent advisor to me on the field for past two years. What impresses me the most about Alex is her ability to remain calm on the field. Besides being a talented player, she's one of the nicest people I've ever known. She's amazingly reliable and I'm proud to have her as a frien..."

"…I think that's enough…"  
Alex interrupted Eve and received another glare from her.

"Well… thanks a lot Eve and Alex for your precious time…"  
Ellie had stood up and was now shaking Eve's hand.  
"It was really nice meeting you and I wish I could spend some more time with you guys, do you both live on campus...?"

Ellie asked Eve.

"It was nice meeting you too, and yes, we both live on campus… and if you're serious about spending time with us, we're having a post game party tonight at seven.  
You're more than welcome to join us."  
Eve offered.

"… I don't think that's such a good idea…"  
Alex insinuated.

"Really? I would love that …"  
Ellie said excitedly.

"Great, bring a friend or a date if you like…"

Alex felt as if either she had become invisible or that they were both deliberately ignoring her.

"Okay then, I'll see you guys later tonight…"  
Ellie said and left waving them goodbye.

"You really didn't have to invite her, remember she's the media…"  
Alex tried to remind Eve of the fragility of the situation.

"Only because I'm not asking questions Nunez, doesn't mean I don't know what's going on. You even knew what kind of coffee she drinks…"  
Eve rolled her eyes, "and any friend of yours is a friend of mine…"  
She winked at Alex teasingly as she dragged her once again, out of the coffee shop while Alex faintly protested,  
"…Ineson… it's not what you think…"

* * *

"she was professional and she didn't ask you anything personal. What are you scared of Alex? 'cause from what you've told me, she seemed rather nice."

"I'm not scared of her."  
Alex protested while she paced in her dorm room and Sam sat on her bed.

"Okay what 'are' you worried about then?"

"I don't know, things…"

"things?"

"Listen, I know what you're saying Sam and I know it doesn't make any sense, but I'm still worried…"

"Do you want me to come with you to the party?"  
Sam offered.

"That would be nice."  
For some reason, having Sam around brought assurance to Alex.

"Okay… I'll come with you."  
Sam said decisively.

"Thank you…"

"Can I bring a date?"

"Sam?"  
Alex asked in shock.

"I was joking. Alex, as good a friend as you said Ellie was, I'd say you have nothing to worry about, besides I'll be there with you the whole time so stop worrying."

"Okay."  
Alex sighed heavily.

"So we're going then?"  
Sam asked for confirmation.

"Yeah."

* * *

******TBC**

******pls review.**


	17. Chapter 17

**revised may 14, 08**

**A/N: **Ellie and Marco... enjoy...  
oh yeah... marco was previously mentioned in chap 11, just in case u'r curious as to where this chap starts from... ellie was in last chap...  
thanks to Marby for her brilliant ideas.

**Disclaimer: **it's late and i'm tired...so don't make me say this again... darn... I don't own degrassi...

pls let me know if you liked this chapter.

* * *

**_Chapter 17_**

"Hey Alex! Your 'Lois Lane' is here."  
Eve had yelled from across the packed basement, which was used for campus parties by the lacrosse team.

Alex flinched with embarrassment, as she finally understood the mystery of how rumors get started.  
Alex eyes were now searching for Samantha as she walked to the back room where she had last seen Sam about twenty minutes ago.  
Sam had completely forgotten her purpose of coming to the party and was involved in a discussion with some of their common friends about some movie that was released recently.

"Hi Alex, Eve told me you were back here."  
Ellie had caught up with Alex and had touched her shoulder slightly.

Alex turned to her touch but her eyes still searched murkily for Sam.  
Sam was still fully absorbed in her conversation and wasn't even looking at Alex.

"I was hoping we could talk…"  
Ellie addressed Alex again as she tried to get back her attention.

"Then talk."  
Alex said bluntly, as she looked straight at her.

"In private…?"

"You're pushing you're luck Ellie…"  
Alex smirked.

"Please…" Ellie pleaded with her eyes.

"Okay. Let's go outside then, it's too crowded back here."

* * *

After talking to Sam, Alex had searched deep for the cause of her worries but was unable to discover why. When Alex had first seen Ellie in the lacrosse field, she knew, she had every right to be angry with Ellie. She knew Ellie expected nothing but anger from her. However, that wasn't how she felt standing out here.

Alex had assumed that she wanted to confront Ellie for not standing up for her back at the uni-house, but the anger she'd felt three and a half years ago was now gone; and all she felt was the regret of not having seen or spoken to her friend through all these years. Standing outside, she was just as nervous as Ellie was because of this reunion. There was so much she wanted to say but she didn't know where to start.

They both stood quietly at the sidewalk, across the parking lot of the little club.

"So, you wanted to talk…"  
Alex broke the silence.

"Yeah, I did. I do…"  
Ellie replied nervously.

"Okay, was just making sure we were both doing the same thing here…"  
Alex said trying to lighten the mood as she sat down on the street curb.  
Ellie joined her.

"Alex…I…"  
Ellie started taking a deep breath.

"Ellie, how have you been?" Alex asked at the same time.  
Ellie dumb-foundedly looked at Alex. The last thing she expected was a friendly Alex.

"Huh? I've been well, you?"

"I've been good too…"

They were both quiet again.

"So it's been a while eh?"  
Alex started again.

"It has."  
Apparently, they were both having trouble saying what they wanted to say.

"…and you're still into the journalism thing…?"  
Alex said.

"Yeah, it's my last semester at Toronto U. I start internship after this…"

"Who knew you'd be interviewing me one day?"  
Alex chuckled.

"Not me…"  
Ellie smiled before she got serious again.

"Alex, I know that it's too late now but I still want to say that I'm sorry for what happened before…"  
She said hesitantly.

"Ellie…"

"No Alex, let me finish. I really didn't know that things were that bad and if I had any idea…" she paused, "you were my friend and I know I let you down. You deserved better than what happened and you definitely deserved better friends than the ones you had and…"

"Ellie…"

"I can imagine how angry you must be if you didn't tell me that you were here for last three years and then I saw you on the Lacrosse field and then at the coffee shop and I had convinced myself that you would never wanna talk to me again…"

"Ellie!"  
Alex almost yelled to stop Ellie from speaking.  
"Would you at least listen? I'm not angry with you. Well, I thought I was, but then I realized, I wasn't anymore…"

"I missed you after you left Alex. I missed you a lot."

"Me too."

Alex put her arm around Ellie's shoulder and then they hugged until their sobs were the only things that were heard for a while.

"You almost gave me a heart attack on the field when I saw it was you…"

"I know."  
Alex giggled.

"Does anyone else know?"  
She asked.

"No, just Jay and you."

"What are you doing out here Alex. I've been looking all over for you…"

Samantha had come out of the club with intentions of yelling at Alex but now just stood there staring at Alex and Ellie.

* * *

Friends are people you choose and trust to be there for you when there's no one else.  
Marco was the first person who had reached out to her and who had given her a break.  
He had faith in her and he had made her, his vice president. He was the one who had pulled her out of her shell.  
She trusted him more than a friend and treated him like a brother.

When Alex had heard him say those mean things about her, it had crushed her.  
Paige was the one who had kicked her out of the uni-house, but Marco's words had hurt Alex even before that.  
He had let her down.

"Marco…"  
He looked up and tried to recognize her.

"…Alex?"  
He asked staring at her almost not trusting his eyes.

"Yes Marco, it's me."  
She smiled

"Alex!"  
He rushed to her and hugged her earnestly.

"Alex, it's really you."

"Marco, you're suffocating me."  
Alex said finally, when she realized he wasn't going to let go.

"You're back, gosh, you're really back. I thought I'd never see you again."  
He wiped a tear before it fell out of his eye.

"No Marco. I'm too stubborn. You won't ever get rid of me that easily."  
Alex joked.

"I still can't believe this."

"Believe it Marco, it is me."

"How did you know where to find me?"  
he looked confused.

"I didn't. I saw you through the window working, so I walked in."

"You mean you weren't looking for me?"

"No, not really."

"Alex, what were you doing out here? Do you know how unsafe it is at this hour? It's so quiet out there…"  
He became extremely concerned.

"It's okay Marco. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."  
Alex said casually.

"Of course, you can. That's why you just disappeared and never looked back."  
He complained bluntly.

"Marco, Please. I don't wanna talk about all that… "  
She was starting to feel uncomfortable.

"Why not, because it's painful? Alex, do you think you were the only one who felt pain?  
You erased us from your past and just vanished. Everyday since you've left, I've thought about you.  
I've worried about you and have wondered if you're doin' okay."

He sat down on a chair and held his head in his hands.

"I've thought about you too Marco and a lot more than you can imagine But I was hurting. Losing her was painful and when I needed my friend's shoulder to cry on, you weren't there. You were the only other person I ever trusted but then I heard what you said to Paige about me. I felt betrayed and I know it wasn't the best way to deal with it but I ran away. Anyway, all that doesn't matter anymore 'cos I'm done running. I'm back. For good, this time."

She hadn't realized it but she was crying and Marco had held a trembling Alex in an embrace; almost compensating for his past absences.

"Alex, let's get out of here. Let's have dinner together. I want to explain. I want to apologize..."  
Marco said once she stopped crying.

"Marco, I already have plans for dinner, may be some other time…"

"Please Alex. We're meeting after four years. I'm afraid that if I let you go, I won't ever see you again."

"Marco, I'd really like to but I can't."  
Alex said firmly.

"It's because you're still angry with me, isn't it?"  
He looked dishearted.

"I'm not angry with you Marco, at least not anymore."

"Then what is it Alex?" He looked confused, "…wait, is this about Paige?"

She sighed eventually admitting it.  
"Yes."

"But…"

"I can't Marco… I don't wanna talk about her."

"Okay, I won't talk about her. Then can we go for dinner?"

"I promised Jay that I'd have dinner with him tonight, he's waiting for me."

"In that case, can I join you guys?"  
He asked smiling.

"I don't think Jay would mind me bringing a guest. Let's go."

* * *

**TBC**

**kindly review if you want more... ciao**


	18. Chapter 18

**revised aug 22, 08**

**A/N: ok so... i'm gonna take a break with this fic for a few days... didn't want the readers to just hang in the middle but this is all i got so far... goodnight...  
and don't forget this is a fic world... coincidences can happen...  
and pls review to let me know how u liked the chapter.**

**Disclaimer: don't own nothing... well i do own somethings but Degrassi isn't one of them.**

* * *

**_Chapter 18_**

Alex and Samantha were standing in the student services office as they argued with the golden-rimmed glasses woman, who stood on the other side of the counter.

It was end of the year and the woman had probably been working hard since morning and had a neatly piled stock of student transcripts in the corner desk to show for it. So when Alex and Samantha came to her with their slightly out of the ordinary problem, she wasn't very pleased.

"I'm sorry. Could you please check it again, there has to be some mistake."  
Alex had said for the third time.

"There is no mistake. I have your file open right on my computer."  
The woman replied.

"Could you check that again, please?"  
Samantha requested.

"I've already checked it twice." She said showing irritation but then looking at their sad faces, she started punching on her keyboard. "Okay hold on, just give me a minute."

A while later her commercial printer was printing papers. The woman ripped them out and walked back to where Alex and Samantha were standing.

"Okay these are the records that we have on your file. A list of all the courses along with their credits descriptions is in there. Could you confirm if it's all in order?"  
She asked handing Alex the five pages long list.

Alex thanked her and took the list from her. She scanned them for a few minutes and then spoke to the woman,  
"This seems to be correct."

"Are you sure?"  
The woman asked again.

"Yes."

"Okay then, you're a credit short."  
She concluded once again.

This morning Samantha and Alex had received letters from their respective masters program that they had applied to. Sam's was an acceptance letter and Alex's was a rejection letter that stated that she didn't fulfill the prerequisite required for the program.

After fifteen minutes of arguing and checking and then re-checking, they were still where they had started from. Alex strolled to the yellow chairs at the back of the student services center and slumped herself on one and Samantha joined her.

"Okay what does this mean Alex?"  
Samantha was still trying to figure out the situation.

"What do you think it means Sam? I'm stuck here for another semester when all my friends would move on. The damned story of my freaking life, that's what it means."  
Alex replied with frustration.

"Alex, don't say that. I'm sure we can do something."  
Samantha squeezed Alex's shoulder gently to comfort her and then walked over to the rimmed-glasses woman again.

"Ma'am, excuse me Ma'am…"  
Samantha tried to draw the woman's attention once again.

"Yes?"  
She looked at her with an annoying grin.

"How can this be when my friend here and I took all the same courses that I made into the program I wanted and she's still a credit short?"  
Sam inquired.  
She knew Alex had worked really hard and it saddened her to see her dishearten like this.

"Would you like me to check your record too so you can compare…?"  
The woman asked.

"Sure, here's my student card."  
Sam gave the woman her student ID card.

After a few minutes of punching her information into the computer and again after the printing noise, the woman ripped out another set of paper and handed them to Samantha.

"There you go miss."  
She said before she went back to attending her work.

"Okay, let's see; show me your list Alex."  
Sam walked back to Alex and opened her list to compare it to that of Alex's.  
Alex was sitting with both her feet up on her chair and her face in her hands.

"It's almost identical except that for the two electives.  
I took English and Economics and you took English and Philosophy…"

"So?"  
Alex popped back her head up.

"They're both humanities courses Alex, you were supposed to take one Humanities one and the other from either business or law or whatever…"

"…and you couldn't tell me this before?"  
Alex suddenly realized that she was scolding Sam for no reason.  
"I'm sorry Sam. I didn't mean to take it out on you like that."  
Alex stood up and walked again to the desk.

"Sorry to bother you again but can't I just switch over the extra credit I have or something?"

"I'm afraid not miss."

"Okay then, what options do I have really?"  
Alex asked in a desperate tone.

"Well… since you're only one credit short, I'd suggest you take it in the summer and still get into that program you want. We will just send your transcript to your program saying that you are presently taking the remaining credits in the summer. Of course, you would have to pass the course in the summer, to be eligible for your fall program."

"All right and how do I apply for that?"  
Alex was now hopeful.

"Here's the course list for this summer. Just check if the course you want is in there, and then just bring the filled application to us."

"That's it?"

"Yes."  
She gave Alex the application and some other papers that Alex took and went back to where Sam was sitting.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?"  
Alex asked scanning the 'list' the woman had given her.

"Good news first, Alex."

"I can still get into the program in fall…" She paused, "…and now the bad news is that I'm stuck with taking 'Basic Stats' in summer school. That was my only option."

* * *

Alex locked the door of her dorm room behind her and walked to the management building for her very first, seven hour long class of 'Basic Statistics'. She had made sure to get there early this day as she preferred on the first days of classes.

The lecture hall was still very much empty. She took the middle seat in the center aisle and waited. Soon other students started pouring in.

"Hi, can I sit here?"  
A tall guy with medium built and brown hair had asked her.

"Sure."  
She said and removed her bag from the seat next to hers. She scanned around and noticed that the lecture hall was now almost full.

"Thomas Smith"  
The guy sitting next to her introduced himself and offered a handshake.

"Alex Nunez"  
She shook it.

"Fast tracking?"  
He asked her…

"Huh?"

"Summer school, are you trying to fast track?"  
He rephrased.

"No, trying to save the career that hasn't even started yet actually…"  
She said sarcastically as she reminisced.

"Oh, I just thought, because most students who take this course do it to fast track through an MBA."

Alex noticed that the door on the stage that separated the lecture hall from the office, had opened but the Professor who still stood in the doorway, was busy talking to someone on the other side.

Alex glanced vaguely at the gray haired man, Professor Adam Taylor, and then turned back to Thomas.

"So is that why you're here? You're 'the fast tracking'?"

"Yes Ma'am."  
He replied politely.

"Don't call me that…"  
Alex chuckled, "I feel old as it is considering all of you seem much younger than me."

"I'm sorry."  
He looked embarrassed.

"Don't apologize, Thomas."  
She was amused.

"Sorry…"  
He said again, this made her laugh. Thomas just looked at her, baffled.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't laughing at you."  
She said in the middle of her laughing as she saw an embarrassed guy.

Alex's eyes suddenly swayed in the direction of someone who had been watching her.  
A blonde-haired woman in a business jacket and a skirt of the same material stood beside Professor Taylor near the podium. She had been looking straight at Alex but turned away as soon as their eyes met.  
Alex smile faded slowly but she continued watching her.

Soon Professor Taylor started to speak.

* * *

**TBC for a few days.****review pls.**

* * *

* * *


	19. Chapter 19

**revised aug 22, 08  
**

**A/N: since we're all on a roll on updating our fics... i got something too...  
R&R and enjoy... let me know what you thought of this chap.**

**Disclaimer: don't own degrassi.**

* * *

**_Chapter 19_**

"… BMS1059…  
…it's the code of this course so if you didn't sign up for this 'code'…, you're probably sitting in the wrong class." Professor Taylor said.  
Faint sounds of laughter emerged and roamed around the lecture hall.

"Good morning everyone. I'm Adam Taylor and you can call me Professor Taylor if you want to keep things formal…"  
_'a bit of an entertainer', _Alex thought

"…I want to welcome you to your very first seven hour class of Basic Statistics, and I'm sorry for that…"  
There was more scattered laughter.  
"…but if its any constellation, we'll be done in two and a half months…"

He then walked toward the illustrious woman who was still facing the students but whose eyes were set on Professor Taylor.

"…this lady here on my right is Paige Michalchuk. She's going to be our student aid throughout this course. **Paige is going to start her MBA coming fall **and then she'll be off to a very successful career of hers. So it's a pleasure to have her with us for the summer as a volunteer all the way from her home school of West Ontario U…"  
He gave her a genuine smile, which she returned…

"…you can call her Paige, but if you decide to be formal with her too, make sure you pronounce her last name correctly, otherwise she'll most likely ignore you. Trust me; I've learned the hard way…"  
He smiled and everyone else laughed.

"…and make sure to be nice to her, as she might be grading some of your quizzes and assignments." He cautioned.

"…Great…"  
Alex had only sighed it out to herself looking down but with the theatrically designed lecture hall, her comment echoed and was heard by everyone.

"…excuse me young lady, do you have a question?" Professor Taylor asked Alex.

Alex looked up to see that everyone was now looking at her, including Thomas, who was physically trying to distance himself away from her. She nervously replied with the first thing that came to her mind.

"…no… I… was just wondering… if we have to take notes or…"

"…well you don't have to Miss…?"

"Nunez…, Alex Nunez."

"Ok Nunez…, Alex Nunez… if you think that Paige here is 'that' interesting…  
…then you're more than welcome to…  
…but I think you can hold off until I actually start the lectures…"  
There was a loud burst of laughter from the crowd.

Alex fidgeted with embarrassment as a tense expression appeared on her face that she'd forgotten she was capable of as she avoided looking over at 'her', almost a little afraid that 'she' might be laughing at her too… not that Alex cared, at least that's what she'd told herself.

Professor Taylor started to speak again and took the spotlight away from Alex.

"…so…I was saying… Paige will be available half an hour before and after the lectures to help you with anything so feel free to ask her questions… and also if you have any questions for me… just tell her and she'll pass me the messages…  
There will also be a tutorial class every week with Paige in a smaller classroom so if you're having trouble with the course… make sure to go to those… remember… for the next three months… she's your best friend…  
Paige…?… have you confirmed everyone's email yet?" He addressed her…

"No, I was going to collect them out during lunch…" she'd replied…

"Okay… well Paige will be passing around all information to you guys through emails so make sure she has all your contact info…" he'd given her a nod and she'd walked to the front row and had taken a seat.

"… so let's get this party started…" he'd said jovially as he turned towards his notes…

_'… this is going to be a long summer…' _Alex thought to herself.

* * *

After the long four hours of sitting and listening to Professor Taylor talk, it was finally lunch hour and without any delays… she'd dragged Thomas out to the nearby café…

Paige Michalchuk…  
a student aid…  
…**was going to start her MBA… **  
…in West Ontario U…  
…she was right in front of her…  
…barely twenty feet away from her…  
…how'd this happen?  
And how was she to respond to something like this… ?

_'… anger shouldn't be the only way how you should feel that you can express yourself Alex…'_ …Sensei Hanson had told her once.

…but then he'd never met Paige either had he?  
Paige hadn't promised him that he'd always have 'her' and then had turned her back on him?  
He wasn't the one who was kicked out on the streets.

* * *

As they came back to the lecture hall, Alex saw the rest of the students hovering around the 'queen bee', who was comfortably seated, on a chair next to the projector, with a large coffee cup in her hand.  
She was giving them tips on how to study for the class, a role that she obviously enjoyed very much.

"…let's go introduce ourselves to our new best friend Alex…"  
Thomas said as he pulled Alex along.

Since there was no way that Alex could actually avoid 'her' any longer; 'her' being the supposed teacher and all. Surely that was Alex's initial instinct when she'd left for the lunch but now that she'd had some time to recover, she just followed Thomas to the stage.

"Hi…"  
Thomas said unsure of how to address her,  
'_thanks to Professor Taylor's earlier speech…'_ Alex thought.

'She' turned on her chair to face him and then her eyes met Alex's again.

"Oh Hi…" she said with eyes still on Alex as Alex tried to focus on Thomas.

"… Paige Michalchuk…" she introduced herself to Thomas.

"Thomas Smith and this is…"

"Alex Nunez… I know…"  
She interjected before Thomas could say anything and 'her' reply had caused Alex to look at her in worry as to what she was about to tell Thomas about their previous acquaintances.

"Alex kinda introduced herself to everyone within the first five minutes of the class…"  
She continued as she flashed her same bright smile at Alex that could make anyone skip a heartbeat.

"Right…" Thomas smiled back understanding…

"So… what made you take Stats in the summer Thomas?" She asked.

"… I'm fast tracking to an MBA… and what's better way to start in the summer right?... you must know all about it I bet…"

"Yeah… actually I do…"  
She replied getting lost in the memories but recovered really fast.

"So you guys need to verify your contact information for me first…"  
she said as she shoved a piece of paper towards Thomas…

"…make sure your phone number and email is on there…"

"Sure"  
He took the paper and walked to the nearby desk checking and writing something on it.  
Alex decided to join Thomas to the desk but was stopped by Paige's voice…

"What about you Alex? …what made you join the world of marketing?"

"… It's a long story…" was her short answer and the first words she'd uttered to Paige after four and a half years; and they'd amazingly come out without any antagonism in them.

_'…she could do this…'_Alex reassured herself.

"Well, I'd lo…like to hear all about it…"

"No Paige… that was my polite way of saying that I don't wanna talk about it…  
May be you didn't get it, but then again, you never really did get anyone beside yourself, did you?"

"Oh, I got it alright… Alex… but I still want to know... from you.  
Don't make me take out your file… you know I can… I have the privileges…"  
She said with a half grin.

Alex clenched her fists, not with anger but frustration …  
Paige was back to being the bitch, Alex remembered her to be back in high school.

* * *

**TBC**

**pls review... it'll help me improve.**

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**revised aug 22, 08  
**

**A/N: i tried to make this chap better... but I'm a little distracted cuz of some personal stuff... so I apologize if the flow is a little compromised.  
I'm thinking of ending it after a few more chapters... may be 4 or so...  
pls review and let me know, where I could've improved. Thanks.  
and thanks to LadyBladeSong and andtototoo for their help.**

**Disclaimer: don't own Degrassi, just this fic.**

* * *

**_Chapter 20_**

Alex had tried very hard to hide her frustration. Despite being stronger than she was before and being better prepared to deal with the demons of her past, she'd felt that nothing had prepared her to deal with the situation that she was currently in.

Alex shoved out all thoughts from her head and stared at Paige, who was sitting on the revolving chair and patiently awaiting an answer from her.  
For a second, Alex almost felt as if Paige could see the predicament that she was in.  
Alex took a deep breath and calmed herself and then started with her 'reasoning' voice…  
"Paige… listen…"  
...but immediately was interrupted by the perfect timing of a phone ring.

Paige reached to pick up the cell phone on the desk next to her and held her finger up to Alex as she checked the caller ID on her cell phone.

"I guess this conversation would have to wait for another time Alex…"  
Paige said courteously as she stood up flipping open her cell phone.

Alex noticed that the smirk had disappeared from Paige's face that now gave a staid expression.  
Paige walked to the office door behind them and went it before she answered her cell.  
After she had completely disappeared behind the office door, Alex looked for Thomas.

"… She's nice, the way that Professor Taylor was describing her, I was sure she would be a big snob…"  
Thomas spoke as he saw Alex approaching.

"… huh… yeah… I guess…"  
She replied absent mindedly as Paige's abruptly changed mood had her a bit puzzled.

"There you go Alex… check your contact info…"  
Thomas stepped back so Alex could check her contact info.

* * *

"… I see you're still into the 'blacks and navies'…"

Alex had just entered the small classroom for her tutorial class and was taken aback with Paige's exhilarating remark from behind the front desk.  
Since most of the students were busy either talking or working on their recent assignments, nobody had really paid attention to what Paige had just said.  
Nobody, except Alex of course.  
Ignoring Paige, she walked to Thomas and took her usual seat next to him.

Alex had no idea why Paige was doing this.  
Why Paige was trying to make things difficult for her?  
But this wasn't the time to find all that out.  
Alex had to pass this course, her future dependent on it and she had no plans of risking it all just because Paige was here.  
Alex knew that getting angry and confronting Paige could only make things worst for her so she decided that it was best to ignore her and somehow get by these three months.

"Hi" She said to Thomas.

"Alex… Hi… sorry I didn't see you come in…"

"…what are you working on?" Alex asked as she noticed him, fumbling papers.

"… last week's assignment… and yeah, I'm still working on that one, in fact, I've worked on it whole night last night as well and I'm still having trouble. Excuse me Alex, let me just go ask Paige…"  
Thomas suddenly stood up and headed to the front desk. Paige was standing not ten feet from them and was leaning into some papers of her own.

"Paige, I'm really stuck with this. I tried sorting it all night yesterday…"

"…calm down Mr. Smith. Here, let me take a look at it…"  
Paige said with a smile. She had completely ignored the papers that she was working on as she took the papers from his hands.

Despite the sweat drenching weather, she was very gracefully dressed with a full sleeve white blouse that fit her body perfectly and plaid flat front dress pants…  
_ 'Designers… she's still into that_…' Alex thought.

* * *

Alex, with papers scattered all over her bed and floor in her dorm room, was updating Sam on her unpromising summer situation.

"Okay Sam… this is harder than I thought…"

"what is? … You're talking about Paige again…?"

"… I was talking about Stats…"  
she replied in an irritated voice.

"I'm sorry Alex… if I can help you with something, just let me know…"

"Yeah well thanks for the offer, but I don't think you can help me with this…"

"What… Stats?"

"…no… the Paige situation…"

"Alex, you're really confusing me now… what'd she do now?"

"…Besides the fact that she's always calling out on me during the tutorial and passing subtle remarks when only I can hear her?"

"Wait… you never mentioned anything about her passing remarks before… "

"… Well I kinda hoped that she'd stop eventually since I never reply back to her but she still hasn't and it's been over two weeks now…"

"what does she say?"

"…The other day, she asked me where I shop for clothes and if they had the same shirt in some other color besides the dull ones?"

"… That doesn't sound like a bad suggestion…"  
she interrupted

"… Sam…"

"ok sorry… what were you gonna say?"

"I know that even if I were the last person alive in the universe, Paige still wouldn't discuss fashion with me…"

"What else did she say?"

"Well in the café, before class, she came up to me a couple of days ago and said that if she were me… she'd suck up more to her…"

"what? What does that supposed to mean? Is she threatening you?"

"… you tell me Sam…"  
she said worriedly…  
"I just know that Paige doesn't say anything for the sake of just saying it…  
There are always hidden meanings in everything she does…  
If you know Paige… you just assume this much…"

"I don't know what's going on Alex… are you sure you're not taking it the wrong way…may be you're assuming too much about what she's doing… I mean she said it in the café… may be she meant something else… and I thought you guys were cool when you broke up … when you left, you guys were still on talking terms right?"

"Sam you can only call it 'talking terms' if you actually talked to each other afterwards… and the break up wasn't so good… we had the argument and then she kicked me out… and now this…"  
She said the last part in frustration...

"Okay tell me if I'm sensing this correctly… you seem less bitter about being kicked out than you are at what she's doing now…"

"Do I?" She asked while trying to perceive it...  
"I don't know Sam… I just know that 'this' was important to me and now she's here to ruin it…"

"okay, this sounds a little weird but Alex, tell me something… how come all your Ex-es come to haunt you like this…? I mean didn't Carla came out of nowhere three years ago and tried something with you…?"

"well as much as I understood by my therapy sessions, I only got involved with Carla the first time because she reminded me of Paige… Carla pretty much filled the gap that was created after Paige and I had broken up… and that's why I wasn't hurt when Carla broke up with me later."

"…Hold on… what? … Paige is like Carla?"

"…No… Carla was like Paige… a good listener, goal oriented and I felt challenged by her company like I did with Paige…"

"But then weren't you still attracted to Carla when you met her later?"

"Yeah I thought I was… but I guess I was more attracted to the idea of being with someone like her than Carla herself…"

"Okay, that kinda makes sense… so what now… Paige… why does she have a problem with you considering 'she' was the one who dumped 'you' and not the other way around…?"

"I don't know… but she is being mean to me… may be she blames me for something… with Paige, just about anything could be a good enough reason…"

"…blames you for what?"

"…may be her fashion career didn't take off or something…  
and then she had to go back to the MBA thing again…  
and she blames me for that…"

"...If anything, that sounds like a good thing…"

"…Not for Paige… the fashion gig was a very big deal to her…  
She was always obsessed with it…"

"How obsessed?"

"… obsessed enough that she dumped me over it…"

"…Okay, I get now why 'fashion' can't be a topic of discussion between you two…  
…and Alex, you never told me that she dumped you over the fashion thing…"

"That's because I've never really accepted that the stupid fashion gig was the whole story… I've convinced myself that there was something else…"

"like what?"

"I don't know… Sam… and I know it doesn't make any sense… but Paige is being like how she was during high school…"

"High school…? You're right Alex… it doesn't make any sense…"

"No Sam… that's how she was with me… insensitive and hurtful…"

"Wasn't 'that' the time when you fell for her?"  
Sam giggled

"Sam… if you're not gonna be serious about this…?"

"Okay… I'm sorry… do you think you should talk to her about what she said in the café?"

"Well It's not like I can confront her… like I said, she did it so subtly that I was the only one who heard it… and even if I could confront her… I'd rather not… I just want to pass this course and be over with it…"

"Well then… I'd suggest that you just pay attention to Stats and talk to Paige only as much as necessary…"

"Yeah that is what I'm gonna do… and you're right Sam… I should really hit the books… I do have a major test coming up next week…" She said hanging up.

* * *

Paige's commentary on Alex had started during her first weekly tutorial class that Professor encouraged everyone to attend. And since then, Paige had remained consistent about her comments.  
The first time the comment had come as a total surprise to Alex…  
She had never thought that Paige would ever become this frank and insulting especially since Paige was well aware of how Alex felt about them, because of their previous association.

It was hard enough for Alex that she had to face Paige everyday and not think about the past they shared and now Paige had decided to test her nerves as well.

Alex had concluded that Paige was trying to provoke her, or may be she just wanted to get a reaction out of Alex. Either way it was beyond any reasoning that Alex could think of.

By the second week, Alex had gotten used to these subtle remarks of Paige's and although they still annoyed her, she had maintained her stance of not replying back to them in hopes that this would eventually discourage Paige.

"…Ms. Nunez…you're done? I'm impressed…"  
Paige said theatrically putting her hand on her chest when Alex stalled to the front desk to drop her assignment off at the end of the tutorial class.

Everyone else had left but Alex wanted to submit her work before she left and it had taken her a little longer than she had anticipated.

"…so you don't want me to double check this for you?"  
Paige asked almost teasingly…

"… Do whatever you want Paige…"  
Alex replied irritatedly as she went back to her seat to pack her stuff.

"…and I'd thought you had forgotten how to speak…"  
Paige said getting up from her chair.

"Well… now you know that I haven't." she said putting her bag on her shoulders…

"Alex…"  
Alex had heard Paige call after her as she opened the classroom door and stepped out.

Closing the door behind herself, she whispered to herself, "Bye Paige."

* * *

**TBC**

**pls R&R.**

* * *


	21. Chapter 21

**revised aug 22, 08**

A NOTE for readers who might be interested...

TruCallin is making a video clip for the last few chapters of my fic...  
which hopefully be done after thanksgiving...  
... not a big thing but i think it'll go nicely with the fic.  
the video is in works... infact i've already done my share of it...  
but TruCallin is busy with her studies so it might take a while... we might decide to release my version which will be earlier than TruCallin's version... so we'll let u know...  
if anything i think it's kinda funny to watch... one caution though... it has LIAB spoilers in it...

sorry life was a little distracting

**A/N: so want to finish this asap so skipping the drama... or it might come in later, i can't say yet...  
i know a short chapter, but intense... i know it was a tear jerker while i was writing it...  
so not for the weaker heart... Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: don't own degrassi.**

* * *

**_Chapter 21_**

It was Friday and their long seven-hour class had finally ended, the last hour of which they'd spent taking a test. This had brought an end to what Alex called another very long week of her life. When Alex saw Samantha standing outside the lecture hall, waiting for her, she was more than excited and ran to her.

"Sam? What are you doing here?"  
Alex yelled in an excitement and gave her a very long hug. She was still in disbelief of Samantha's unexpected arrival but it surely had made her very happy to see her here and that showed in her the high pitch of her voice.

"Well after our little chit-chat the other day, I thought hard and just felt that you needed me to be with you for some time, so I packed my back pack and shoved my ass here…"

"…why didn't you tell me that you were coming?"

"… I wanted to surprise you Alex…why else?"

"…and your mom let you come?" Alex was still in distrust.

"… I sorta had to promise her that I'll come back by tomorrow."

"…so… you're going back tomorrow…?"  
She asked disappointedly.

"…you don't have to start celebrating yet… I'm still here until tomorrow…"  
Samantha tried to cheer Alex back again and it worked.  
She smiled at seeing how little an effort was sometimes required to change Alex's mood.

"… Sam… you can't even imagine how happy I am to see you…"  
She smiled and hugged her again.

"… Ms. Nunez… here's the assignment sheet for tomorrow…"  
Paige's voice had come from behind her and had caused her to break the hug.  
Alex turned around.

"… Thanks…" Alex said as she took the papers from Paige's hands.  
She felt a little awkward for not knowing how long Paige had been standing there behind her.

"… I'm sorry… I just thought that you might need these for tonight… or later…"  
Paige's embarrassment could also be read on her face.

What followed, was an awkward moment of silence as the three girls stood at the door of the lecture hall until it was interrupted by another girl who'd come and had started talking to Paige.

Considering how uncomfortable and quiet Alex had suddenly become, it didn't take Samantha long to guess that it was 'Paige' who was standing before them. To break the tension that had surrounded them, she tried to distract Alex.

"So… Alex you're done for the day right? 'cuz I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything since I left Oshawa." She said pouting.

"… yes I am done Sam. Let me introduce you to Thomas, grab my stuff and then I'll feed you…"  
Alex replied as she tried to ignore Paige's presence, who was again by herself and was looking in Alex and Sam's direction.

"…is there anything else Paige?"  
Uneasily Alex finally asked.  
The question as if had brought Paige back from her trance.

"…huh… just wanted to let you know… that the tutorial room has been shifted to the computer lab on second floor for tomorrow… "

"… Okay…Thanks…"

"…I'll see you tomorrow then?"  
Paige said and went inside the hall again to distribute the assignment sheet to other students but not before she gave Sam a pleasant smile; which Sam returned with a slight nod of recognition.

"…there's Thomas…"  
Alex, oblivious to Samantha and Paige's little exchange, pulled Samantha inside the lecture hall as she located Thomas.

* * *

"So how'd you do on your test today?"  
Samantha asked after dinner, sitting at their favorite eatery place 'the grille' on College Street.

"Good… just one and half more month and then I'll be done with this…"  
Alex sighed.

"What? You're counting days? Alex, it can't be that bad..."  
Alex responded with her 'you wanna bet?' look.  
Samantha paused for a few seconds as she attentively observed Alex's face, and changed the conversation to the object of all of Alex's dismays.

"…is she still being mean?"  
Sam asked.

"…not as much…"  
Alex replied thinking.

"Alex, she seemed nice."  
Alex had predictably shifted in her chair but had chosen not to respond to Samantha's comment.

"…you know you'd never shown me a picture of hers?"  
It was an observation framed like a question…

"… I would've if I had one …"  
Alex had meekly replied staring at the half-filled glass of water.

"Why don't you have a picture of hers?"

"I don't know."  
…was her modest reply…

"... I can see why you had trouble getting over her… she's pretty attractive…"

_…this should get Alex to talk about 'her'_…

Samantha deliberately continued to softly trail further into a very delicate part of Alex's past. It was something that Alex had mentioned several times but had never discussed with her. Sam reminded herself to keep a close eye on Alex's reactions and to back track if she felt that she was pressuring Alex too much.

Alex giggled unexpectedly to Sam's surprise.  
"… You do realize 'miss superficial', that there's more to a person than just their looks…?"

"… I wasn't talking about her face…"  
Samantha said teasingly with a grin, complementing Alex's cheerful mood.

"… Sam… you didn't just say that…"  
Alex responded with a shocked face.

"… you know, it was never just that…"  
Alex stated further.  
Sam could see how far deep in her thoughts Alex was.  
Getting the leverage she needed from Alex, she continued.

"… well tell me then Alex… what it was?"

_'…who was that girl… you'd fallen in love with?'_

Samantha's audacious question had caused Alex to gulp down the remaining water in the glass before her.  
Alex knew that Samantha had been patient and had never deliberately brought up any discussion regarding Paige and she was thankful to Samantha for that, but now the question had become inevitable. She searched for the words to explain to her best friend, 'The girl she'd once fallen in love with…'

"…she … she was my hope… my hope to something better…"

Samantha realized how hard it had suddenly become for Alex to speak.  
It was as if Alex's whole body rhythm had changed when she'd started thinking about Paige.  
Samantha reached out on the table and rested her own hand on Alex's shaking hands.  
It was apparent that Alex was walking down the memory lane and an expression of brightness was visible all over her face.

"… she was someone who told me that I could have a future…  
… she believed in me…  
… she pulled me out from the life I was living and promised me something better…  
… she told me that I deserved better… … and she pushed me to be better…"

Alex paused to swallow the tears that had collected in her throat.

"… and then she became my wish, my love, and then my everything..."

_So this is the girl… the one who has made it impossible for you to forget her…  
the one who still makes you smile sometimes at nothing…  
…the one who occupies your thoughts at the mention of chocolate cheese cake and Lattes…  
…whose name you still speak in your sleep…  
the one who is the reason why you haven't been able to date anyone else seriously…  
and who is back here and although…you say that she's making your life miserable when in fact you stay in class till late every Saturday with an excuse of finishing assignments…  
just so you can stay with her a little while longer…  
the one who's the only person you've talked about in last three weeks…  
and the one you're still in love with and totally clueless about…_

* * *

**TBC**

**pls review or you're gonna have to wait another ten days...**


	22. Chapter 22

**revised aug 22, 08**

ok, thanks for that very long review mayalex... u know how much i appreciate it...

and andtototoo, i don't have words to explain how much i appreciated ur review...  
i pulled all my hair out last night when i wrote it again...

**A/N: okay, so i got a few questions about Sam and Paige knowing each other...  
Sam is like the insider who knows things about Alex that even she doesn't know herself... that is why she was non antagonizing and non confrontational with Paige...  
she knows how Alex really feels about Paige... sorry if it got confusing...**

**thanks for reviews again... hence an early update as a token for my appreciation...**

**Disclaimer: don't own degrassi.**

* * *

**_ Chapter 22_**

The noise of the opening door was loud enough to attract everyone's attention.  
Paige stopped talking and looked as Alex stepped inside the computer lab.  
Alex was twenty minutes late despite her efforts to make it on time after dropping off Samantha at the train station…

"… I'm sorry…"  
She said looking in the general direction of Paige and then quickly walked down to her usual chair after closing the door behind her. She knew that Paige's faint gaze had followed her to her seat. As soon as she was seated, Paige went back to explaining the rest of the assignment.

* * *

"… Alex, do you have any questions about the assignment I passed out yesterday?"  
Paige walked toward Alex after she was done explaining.

"No, I think I'm okay…"

"Well… I'm right here if you have any questions…"

"Okay… Thanks"  
Alex simply replied as she looked up at Paige acknowledging the offer and thanking Paige for her sudden kindness.

"Have you started working on it yet?"

"… I've looked at it…"  
She said still puzzled by Paige's dissimilar behavior. The care and concern that was apparent in Paige's behavior today, Alex hadn't seen it in a long time. And now the sudden 'graciousness' was making Alex confused especially since how obnoxious she'd been to her for the two weeks prior.

"… good… I'll let you work on it then…"  
Paige said and walked back to her desk.

* * *

"Alex… do you know if Thomas is coming in today?"  
Paige addressed Alex when she was leaving the tutorial classroom to grab lunch. The student cafeteria was closed during the summer and the nearest place was the café across the Stats building.

"I don't know. He didn't say anything to me…"  
Alex gave Paige a short and precise answer.

"Okay… I just thought that you would know."  
As Alex was about to leave, Paige asked hastily, "Alex, are you okay?"

Alex looked at her with uncertainty at the possible context of the alleged question.

"… I noticed that you came in late this morning…"  
Paige further explained her concerns to Alex.

"Oh… I had to take care of something."  
Alex tried to keep the conversation closed ended because she knew that Paige wasn't going to end her interrogation unless she was discouraged. Alex wanted to keep the boundaries that had been established because of the years that had come between them.

"…is your friend from yesterday still in town? … Sam… was it?"  
Paige probed further.  
Alex just looked at her, a little stunned that Paige even caught Samantha's name.

As if predicatively aware that she wasn't going to get an answer from Alex, Paige continued, "She seemed nice…"

Alex tried to hide her intrigue at hearing the same words again that she'd heard from Samantha just yesterday in reference to Paige  
…_'they apparently have the same opinions about each other', _She thought to herself.

As if sensing the inner discussion that Alex was having, Paige asked, "What?"

"Nothing." She said expensing the thoughts that were coursing through her mind…

"… You've changed a lot Alex…" was Paige's abrupt observation.

"…and you haven't mu…" was Alex's instinctive response but then she stopped herself in the middle. She had said more than she should have had. Well aware of Paige's capabilities of crossing the lines, she realized her mistake and regretted the words that had escaped.

"Thanks for noticing Alex"  
The teasing smirk of Paige's and her drawl on her words made Alex regret it even more.

Alex suddenly became nervous and knew that with every passing second it was becoming more than obvious to Paige. The three-week worth of effort of keeping her guard up and keeping Paige out was going to be lost in three miserable seconds.  
'_… she needed to focus… she needed to get out of here…'_

"I should go…"

"No stay, have lunch with me. I brought Falafel sandwich…"

"I…"  
Alex's brain was now working overtime.

"… but you still think too much, Alex. Go on. Bring up your chair…"

"… Paige I really do have to go…"  
She said interrupting Paige, worried of what more she might reveal if she stayed there any longer.

_'I'm not running away… I just need more time…' _  
Alex thought to herself as she paced out of the room.

"Alex…"  
Paige's whisper had hit her from behind but Alex knew it wasn't time. She wasn't ready yet to deal with this.

* * *

After the tutorial, Alex stayed in the class to finish her project. By the time Alex was done, she was the only student left in the class.

Intuitively, she glanced up at Paige for a second. Paige was busy reading something and hadn't paid attention. Alex walked up to the front desk to drop off her assignment and noticed that Paige was now looking at her hesitantly.

"Alex?" She said softly as Alex started walking back to her desk.

"Huh?" Alex replied without turning while she packed her books.

"Do you need a ride?"

"No. Thanks though…"

"You sure?"

"Yeah…"  
Alex said as she turned around to face Paige still struggling with her inner conflict of whether to ask the question that had been bothering her for the past week.

"Paige?"

"Yes Alex?"

"…why are you suddenly being nice to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Paige. You know what I mean."  
The irritation she felt at Paige's innocent act was apparent in her voice.

"This is how I should've been from the start, right Alex?"  
Alex shrugged her shoulders.

"… goodnight Alex."  
Paige gave her a genuine smile as as her cue to leave.

"…'night…"

* * *

"What'd you get Thomas?"

Alex had asked after they checked their grades that were posted at the entrance door of the lecture hall. These were from the test that they had taken on the previous Friday.

"B- … I should've studied harder and I was also late on submitting the last two assignments."  
Thomas replied pulling her to their seats in the lecture hall.

"I can't believe this. I got a 'C+'. One third of this course is over and I have a freakin' 'C+' to show for it? Tell me this isn't happening." Alex was in a state of disbelief.

"Alex, there are still two months left, besides this was only 20 of the total mark. I'm sure you'll be able to pull through." Thomas tried to reassure her.

"This totally sucks. How this could happen? I have been working so hard."

"Alex calm down."

"You don't get it Thomas, I have to pass this course or I'll have to stay in for another semester." Alex verbalized her fears to Thomas.  
_'…why would Paige do this to me...?'_

"Okay guys, settle down. We are going to go over the test questions after lunch. For now let's just start with a new topic." Professor Taylor said as he came out of his office.

Paige wasn't here today.

* * *

"Hi, you've reached Brandon Elliott. Sorry I missed your call. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Beep."

"Hi, Brandon. This is Alex. I just got back from my class and I needed some advice about something. Just call me when you get this. Bye."

* * *

**TBC**


	23. Chapter 23

**revised aug 22, 08**

Don't forget to check out the video part 1 thru my profile.

TruCallin had been working on a video diary for my fic for a while ... Thank you **Tru**.  
and i think i just want to say thanks to her...**Tru**, u'r truly an angel for putting up with me like this...

--  
the video diary we've planned is in two parts...

PART 1 being the summary sort of  
and PART 2 will be the music video which will come later when i'm done revealing most of the suspense thru the chaps anyway...

**so as promised that i'll post this when Tru posts the vid...  
sorry... took a while.**

**Disclaimer**

* * *

**_Chapter 23_**

Yesterday Alex had phoned Brandon to ask for his advice regarding her 'grade' situation. Brandon had told her to meet with the Professor and check if there's a miscalculation because _'those usually are the most likely mistakes…'_

* * *

Alex had come into Professor Taylor's office early the next morning before the lecture. She was almost relieved that Paige wasn't there yet.

"Miss Nunez… correct?"

"Yes…"

"Well, I'm kinda crammed here right now. Can you wait until Paige gets here?"

"That might be a problem, see…" Alex searched for words to phrase her concerns…

"Oh right… Paige told me that you guys are old acquaintances…?"

"Yes. We are… we were…" She replied nervously.

"Right. So then, what seems to be the problem, Ms. Nunez?"  
He asked as he closed the book that was in front of him and turned to face her.

"Professor Taylor, I just wanted to talk to you about the grade that I received…"  
She stated.

"…you're not happy with your grade…?"  
He asked with a frowned forehead.

"Well… I'd studied hard for it actually and I was expecting a grade better than a 'C+'."

"You are aware that you're going to get other chances to make up for this…?"  
He asked.

"I know but I want to know what went wrong. I've submitted all my assignments and I think I'd done well on the test too." She replied uneasily.

"Well, it happens sometimes Ms. Nunez. Sometimes students think they have done a lot better than they actually have." He paused, "So I gather you didn't get the grade that you were expecting then... ?"

"… far from it…"

"…and you want me to re-check it for you…?"

"Please… if it's not too much trouble…" She answered politely though she wanted more than anything for it to be double checked.

"Okay." He stood up from his desk and started going through some papers that he took out from a file cabinet.

"Let's see…" He said as he located the correct papers and scanned through them.

"Okay, you actually did pretty well on the test, I was the one who marked it… and the reason for your lower grade is … well… three of your weekends assignments are marked as zero for some reason …"

"they are?"  
Alex's worst assumptions were coming true.

"Didn't you say you had submitted all your assignments Ms. Nunez?"

"Yes, after each class."

"hmm… well either it's a computer error or something else. I have to start the lecture now but I will talk to Paige about this. She's the one responsible for punching in the numbers and as you can see she isn't here yet. Do you think you can wait until the lunch Ms. Nunez?" He asked.

"I guess..."  
'_It didn't seem like she had much of a choice in the matter anyway_.'

* * *

Alex saw Professor Taylor and Paige walking into the office during lunchtime and the way that Paige had suddenly looked in her direction, just before leaving the lecture hall, Alex knew that she was indeed the topic of their discussion.

* * *

"Ms. Nunez, I will see you in my office after class…"

Professor Taylor had said to her just before he started his afternoon lecture later that day. Alex had nodded in response and had apprehensively waited for the lecture to end.

* * *

"Ms. Nunez, I will see you in my office after class."

Professor Taylor had said to her just before he started his afternoon lecture later that day. Alex had nodded in response and then she apprehensively waited for the lecture to end.

After class, she walked up to the office and knocked softly on the office door.

"Yes, come in..." She heard the Professor and then complied.

"…so sorry Alex..."

As soon as she opened the door, she almost pumped into Paige. Paige quickly rushed out as soon as Alex stepped in. Alex deducted that Paige didn't want to be there when Alex receives her grade.

"Ms. Nunez, please have a seat."  
Professor Taylor said as he pointed to a chair.

"Thank you."  
She seated herself across from him.

"… So yeah, I'm sorry to say that there was in fact an error and it was entirely my fault. It should never have happened but as you are aware… we had some unusual circumstances in this case. I'm glad that you decided to check up on this, and I want to apologize for the worries that it must have caused you. I'll mark your assignments and will give you your final grade tomorrow. Is that alright with you?"

Alex had just looked at him expecting more explanation than she had received, but after inferring that he wasn't going to give any, she decided to inquire.

"Professor Taylor… what was the problem? … Please… I'd like to know …"  
She requested.

"… well you see, I was supposed to mark those assignments unlike the rest of them that were marked by Paige. She had given your assignments to me to mark and had reminded me several times but I completely forgot about them. Therefore, since they never were marked, they didn't get entered into the computer. Again I'm really sorry for the mix-up."  
He solemnly apologized.

"… So Paige didn't mark my papers…"

Alex stated more to herself than anyone else.  
She now completely regretted jumping to the wrong conclusions earlier.

"No, she'd recused herself from marking any of your assignments and tests…"

"She what?"  
Alex said not believing.

"…it's when someone withdraws from being involved so that they can remain impartial… you know due to a probable conflict of interest…"

"…so that means… that Paige hasn't marked any of my assignments or tests so far and that it was Paige's decision?"

"Yes…?"

The professor replied a little confused not understanding what she meant as Alex mumbled to herself.

* * *

The very next day, she was told by Professor Taylor that she had in fact received an 'A+' in stats. Alex decided to share the good news with Brandon that night. She knew he had been apprehensive about it too.

"Well guys, I'm gonna go to my dorm now. I'll see you guys tomorrow?"  
Alex said to Thomas and a couple of their peers as they all walked out of the Stats building.

"Alex, are you sure you don't wanna come for the dinner with us…?"  
Thomas asked as she turned to walk in the opposite direction from them…

"May be some other time Thomas, I'm really tired tonight..."  
Alex said and started her long walk back to the dorm building.

"Hey Alex…"  
She had only taken a few steps when a very familiar voice forced her to turn around. Paige, who was in her car, was waving to her.

"Would you like a ride Alex…?"  
She offered yelling from her car, which was now slowly moving with Alex.

"No thanks Paige… I'm alright…"  
Alex replied still walking.

"Oh come on Alex. It's late. let me give you a ride to your place"  
She insisted now stopping the car and bringing her face to the passenger window.

"Seriously, Paige. I'm fine."

Alex tried to convince Paige as she walked closer to her car. It was the only way she could stop Paige from yelling. Paige was creating a scene and just then she noticed that Thomas and their two other friends had stopped and were looking towards them. They had apparently noticed the car that was slowly traveling with Alex and had inferred that there was something wrong. Alex looked at Thomas and gave him a reassuring look to convey that everything was all right.

"Come on Alex… it's not everyday that I'm in a generous mood…"

Paige asked again sensing Alex's reservations. Alex was still looking at Thomas as he walked away.

Alex almost whispered to Paige through the car window.  
"… Paige… everyone was looking at us…"

A bit surprised at what Alex said, Paige asked jovially.

"…Since when did Alex Nunez started caring about what others think and besides, what's wrong with me offering a ride to my favorite student?"

Alex was well aware of Paige's stubborn moods. Paige rarely took 'no' for an answer when she was in one of these moods. Alex knew there was no point in arguing. It was a lesson that Alex had learned a long time ago.

"Okay… quiet down Paige…"

Alex said in frustration as she opened the passenger door of Paige's deep gray sports VW.

* * *

**TBC**

**reviews r love. let me know how i could've improved.  
**

**let me know if u liked the video.**


	24. Chapter 24

**revised aug 22, 08**

Everything Video Diary Part 1 pls check it out thru my profile.

**A/N: been a little hectic weekend but i still managed to write something. let me know how i'm doing. thanks for reading.**

** thank u andtototoo for the pointers and Marby for the encouragement.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own degrassi, just this fic.**

* * *

**_Chapter 24_**

They both sat quietly in the car while Paige concentrated on the road and Alex tried to loosen up.

It had been a month since she had met Paige after four years. Since then, most of their conversations had remained about either, a stats reference book, an assignment or a test.

When Paige had asked her to have lunch with her during the tutorial class, Alex had panicked because she didn't want to end up being reminded of the painful memories of her past. She was confused about Paige's intentions then. To her, Paige was still that person, who had kicked her out. The person who had abandoned her in the time of her need; and the person who had never bothered to find out what had happened to her once she'd left the university house.

In the past week though, Alex's perspective about Paige had changed. She had noticed that Paige was trying extremely hard to be nice to her. The explanation that Paige gave to her regarding her sudden change of behavior meant that Paige had realized that her behavior was inexcusable and that now she was behaving... _'how she should've been from the start…'_

After Professor Taylor's clarifications to Alex about how Paige had remained impartial to Alex's grade from the beginning had completely annulled the explanations that Paige gave to her.

'_If Paige was impartial from the beginning then why had she pretended that she wasn't?'  
_  
Alex didn't know what to make of this lie, of those teasing comments, or the painful annoying remarks. then Paige offered her to have lunch with her which was again contradictory.

_'She was so persistent on giving me the ride, does she want us to be friends again?  
None of it made any sense. Paige didn't make any sense.'_

The last thought brought Alex out of her daydream as it reminded her that she was sitting next to the source of all of her confusions at the time.  
She effortlessly turned and glanced over at Paige who was busy driving and had not taken any notice of her movements. Alex leaned back in the car seat and noticed that they were still far from her dorm. She tried to relax again as she sunk back into her thoughts.

Although, Alex pretended to be indifferent to Paige's behavior, the truth was that she had always cared about Paige and had hoped that Paige did too.  
Alex had always wondered what it would be like if she ever got to meet Paige again, and what they would talk about. When they finally did meet, Paige's attitude had crushed her. Paige had made it impossible for her to even want to talk to her. This was the reason why Alex had built a façade of ignoring her so she could protect herself from getting hurt by Paige's behavior. Her words provoked Alex and not being able to talk back had become increasingly frustrating for her.

This day was different.  
The whole recusing incident had given Alex enough reason to _suspect_ that no matter how Paige had behaved before, she had sincerer intentions than what she had let Alex to believe. This Paige who was trying to hide that she cared, reminded her of the old Paige, the Paige she knew well and liked.

Although Alex felt a lot more comfortable sitting next to Paige tonight than she had felt in a long while, she didn't think that talking to Paige would be this difficult.

_'could she really start from where she'd left off?__  
… there were so many questions… so many things she wanted to ask…'_

**_"Hon…"_**

Paige's hesitant voice suddenly interrupted her thoughts.  
Alex opened her eyes that she had no recollection of closing and looked at Paige in astonishment at the sound of 'the' word. They made a reflexive eye contact that lasted less than a millionth of a second before they both steered their eyes away from each other. Paige's eyes went back onto the road, as she absorbed how a single word had evoked such a reaction out of Alex. Alex sat up straight as she looked out through her side of the window in a faint attempt to hide her embarrassment.

After a few moments of silence, Paige spoke again.

"… I'm glad that you're enjoying our little ride together Alex, but you've got to tell me where you live. In case you haven't noticed, this is the third time that we're crossing this intersection."

"Sorry Paige. I didn't realize. I guess I'm just a little tired."

"Its okay Alex. It's not entirely your fault. You just looked so peaceful that I didn't want to disturb you either."

"Paige, just drop me off at the main dorm building right over here..."  
She said pointing to the curb after she confirmed where they were.

"Okay then, there you go."  
Paige said as she stopped the car next to the sidewalk.

"Paige…"  
Alex tried to thank Paige as she opened the door.

"You're always welcome Alex. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah"

"Okay… have a goodnight Alex."

"Thanks. You too, Paige."

* * *

On Monday morning, Thomas spotted Alex as soon as he walked in and walked over to her. In the lecture hall, Alex sat quietly with a glazed expression. The lack of sleep was obvious in her eyes. Alex's memories had finally caught up with her after Paige had dropped her off at the dorm, two weeks ago.

Alex had had a rough day yesterday during the Saturday tutorial, as she'd found herself staring at Paige for no apparent reason at all. She had barely gotten any sleep the previous few nights and on most days, she'd tried to distract herself by one thing or the other with not much luck.

"… Let me guess Alex… you look tired because you were up all night trying to finish reading those chapters?"  
_'Is it that obvious?'_  
Alex looked up at him startled by his observation.

"Good morning to you too..."  
She said giving him a little shove on his arm as he took the seat next to her.

"Okay so you wouldn't believe what happened last night Alex…"  
Thomas said excitedly.

"…enlighten me"  
Alex said in her Monday morning voice.

"Okay so I was heading back from my run last night right? And I turned to the library block to take a short cut and then, guess who was standing there?"

"I don't know Thomas, who?"  
Alex wasn't amused.

"… Paige…"

"Paige?"

"Yes… as in Paige Michalchuk…"

"… on our Campus?"

"Yes"

"… okay… so she was probably in the neighborhood… what's so unbelievable about that..?"  
She mumbled.

"…no, she told me that she just moved in an apartment nearby for the summer as she was having trouble driving back and forth to her place from here…"

"… oh that's really nice. Now we'll get to see her even more… "  
Alex said sarcastically as she thought of how much chaos Paige had already caused in her finally tranquil life.

"You know I can sense that you act strange around Paige, that may be you don't like her or something and I know its none of my business but you should really give her a chance. I can tell that she's really a good person inside."

Alex interrupted him…  
"…Thomas… I know that you look up to her …and …"

"… She asked me to have dinner with her…"  
Thomas' declaration made Alex's eyes widen with wonderment.

"She what?"

Alex gave Thomas an 'I don't believe it' expression and probed further as she leveled her voice this time, "she asked you out?"

"she looked really tired and sad standing out there, very different from how she is here. So I went to talk to her and the next minute she was asking me if I'd like to have dinner with her"

"and?"

"… and I said okay."  
Thomas revealed.

"You said okay?" she narrowed her eyes.

"Yes… I said okay."  
Alex struggled with the news that Thomas had just given her.

"So you're okay with this then?"  
Thomas had asked a surprised Alex who wondered about the implication of the question but reassured herself that Thomas didn't know of 'their' history together.

"...Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well tonight was our 'study night', right?"

"Oh 'it's' tonight. Well I guess, in that case, we'll have to reschedule our study night some other night. I wouldn't wanna spoil your plans with Paige now, would I?"  
Alex proceeded with more sarcasm and a relatively harsher tone.

"Alex. Don't be mad." He pleaded.

"I'm not."  
She replied crossing her arms and looking away from Thomas.

"Well you sure are acting like it and if I didn't know any better, I'd say you sound a little, never mind Alex, just know that I'm not ditching you. You know I wouldn't do that…"

"Thomas, I just don't think she's your type…"  
Alex tried to fathom a reason to explain her earlier reaction.

"Alex, are you kidding me? Paige is everybody's type…"  
Thomas said and Alex just shrugged her shoulders.

"She's smart, she's funny and…"

"Okay Thomas. I get it. It's a long list." Alex said irritatedly.  
"I just…, just know that these T.A and student things… well, they rarely work… and she's the 'big plans' girl…"

Alex didn't want Thomas to get hurt in the end. He deserved to know what he was getting into.

"Alex I'm glad that you're looking out for me. I guess it's good that you're coming with me to the dinner then…"

"Huh?"

"…well I told Paige about our study night and she told me to bring you along…"  
Thomas made another revelation.

"What? No? I can't."

"Oh come on Alex. It'd be fun besides, I already promised Paige…"

"Thomas, I can't be there with you guys. It'd be awkward and I'd feel like the third wheel…"

"I think the correct term is the 'fifth wheel'… but don't worry, you won't be 'it'. I'm pretty sure that Paige doesn't think of this as a formal date anyway otherwise she wouldn't have invited you, right Alex?"

* * *

**TBC**

**reviews r love.**


	25. Chapter 25

**revised aug 22, 08**

pls don't forget to check the video of this fic from my profile. It's called the video diary part 1. part 2 will soon follow as soon as TruCallin gets time.

ok was suffering from a writer's block, well that, and change of location disturbed me... so i apologize for the delay. i rally wanna finish this soon... but things just arent' working out like i wanted them to so pls bear with me.

**A/N: this chap... i'm a little unsure of it. still figuring out the scene and how much i wanna smooth things out for Palex.  
thanks a lot aeryn112 for being the beta reader. i appreciate it.  
enjoy the chap. and don't forget to review and give ur opinions.**

**pov: mixed but mostly Alex.**

**Disclaimer: i don't own degrassi.**

* * *

**_Chapter 25_**

Alex had come back to her dorm about an hour ago and had spent an ample amount of time pacing back and forth in her room. A lot of things were going through her mind at the time, the highlight of which was her upcoming dinner with Paige and Thomas. The last thing that she needed right now was to come down with a headache, which was sure to happen if she kept thinking any longer about this. She had already considered and rejected the idea of consulting Sam for two reasons: firstly, it meant an inquisitive session from Sam, something that was bound to boggle her mind and leave her even more confused. Secondly, there was a fair possibility that the phone call was going to eat her out of the precious minutes that she was now left with.

When Alex received the news that Paige had asked Thomas out on a date, she'd felt a storm of rage twirl inside of her.  
_'Is she out of her mind to ask Thomas out like this? Has Paige learned nothing at all from the Mr. O incident? They're both so wrong for each other; Thomas is too naïve for her and Paige is way too complicated for him. One of them would end up hurting the other and I'd be left to pick up the pieces.'_

As soon as she learned that Paige had asked Thomas to bring her along as well, the anger that she'd felt before swiftly turned into confusion. Although Alex had hastily controlled her brimming emotions, she knew that Thomas had noticed her reactions. To not make things any more suspicious than they already were, Alex agreed to go to the dinner with Thomas; a decision she now regretted more than before.  
_'I should've just refused when I had the chance.' _She thought to herself.

Alex had searched Paige's face throughout the day for even the slightest of a clue as to what was to be expected. She had looked for sign for just anything to help her figure out what Paige was up to.  
If she knew Paige at all, she knew that Paige didn't consider this a date between her and Thomas…

_'but then… what was it?'_  
_'Maybe Paige is trying for us to become friends again and that's why she's been so nice to me lately. Yeah, that 'has' to be it.'_ Alex concluded in the end.

Paige had finally started to be civil with her and Alex didn't think that Paige was going to take any chances by mentioning anything from their past in front of Thomas. Feeling a little relieved by the notion, she finally picked out her clothes and went to change. Thomas was going to show up outside her dorm in exactly an hour and Alex had plenty of time to get ready.

* * *

Alex was just giving herself the final look in the mirror when she heard the phone ring. The three quarter sleeve v-necked gray shirt hugged her perfectly. It was a gift from Eliza on her last birthday that she had kept for a special occasion. The shirt went nicely with her black jeans, giving her a bit of a casual look, that's how she preferred it for tonight. It was raining earlier so she wore her black boots instead of the open shoes.

Alex checked the time before picking up the phone. It was quarter to seven. She and Thomas were supposed to meet Paige at seven but Thomas being a big fan of punctuality, had shown up at her dorm ten minutes earlier than the agreed time.

"Alex, are you ready? I'm waiting outside…"  
Thomas said as soon as she picked up the phone.

"You're early Thomas… I'll be there in a couple of minutes… Okay?"  
She said hanging up the phone as she picked up her keys and headed out.

Alex hurriedly walked to Thomas' car in order to avoid getting wet in the light drizzle that must've started within the last hour. She hopped in the car, closed the door behind her and nodded to Thomas giving him an indication to drive. When the car didn't move at her cue, she glanced at Thomas who was appraisingly looking at her.

"What?"

"Nothing. You look nice Alex." He said smiling.

"Thanks Thomas. Could you please drive? I thought you were in a hurry."

Thomas' smile widened as he started the car again. He was more than intrigued to see this vulnerable side of his sturdy friend who had never looked this self-conscious before.

Alex was apprehensive about the dinner tonight but the 'getting ready' process had somewhat distracted her. Now that she was on her way to 'it', the nervousness had come back again. So far, Alex had kept herself out of the details and hadn't asked Thomas about their dinner plans, but now sitting in the car, she couldn't contain her curiosity anymore so she inquired...

"Thomas, which restaurant are we going to?"

"We're not going to a restaurant Alex; we're going to Paige's apartment."  
Thomas replied impassively.

"Why are we going to her place?"  
Alex asked a bit surprised by Thomas' answer.

"She's cooking for us..."

"Paige is cooking?"  
Alex's surprise was obvious on her face.

"Yeah, I was as shocked as you are now. As soon as I told her that you had agreed to come along, she told me to come by her place for the dinner."

"What do you mean you told her that '_I'd agreed_…' you told '_me'_ that you already promised her that I would come…?"

"Yeah… well, Paige didn't think you'd come so we made a bet..."  
Thomas further disclosed…

"… and you bet that I would come?"  
Alex raised her forehead as she realized what had happened. Obviously, Paige had tricked Thomas into bringing her to the dinner. She didn't know why yet, but her fears were confirmed.  
'_Paige is definitely up to something…'_

"It's unusual, isn't it Alex? That she invited us over to her place?"  
As correct as she knew Thomas was, Alex didn't want to agree to it. Paige was doing a lousy job of keeping things constrained and Alex felt a need to intervene.

"… But you know… it might be interesting…"  
She found herself defending Paige. This was the only way that she could overthrow Thomas' suspicions.

"Oh? What happened to the cynical Alex? Don't tell me '_you'_ are eager to go to her apartment?"  
A surprised Thomas rolled his eyes. He had sensed the contradiction between Alex's words and her earlier actions.

"No, I'm just saying, her cooking can't be that bad, right?"

"Well, even if it is Alex, I don't really care. Paige doesn't have to be a good cook to impress me."  
Thomas said with a grin that made Alex quiver with more uneasiness.

* * *

"Hi Thomas, come on in."  
Paige greeted Thomas at the door.

Her apartment was on the top floor of the two-storey building. They had climbed up the stairs after Thomas parked his car on the silent street in front of the building. It was a typical two-bedroom apartment for students. The living room was a small room with a couch and a bookshelf being the only pieces of furniture. There was also a small old TV mounted on the wall in the corner. There was a dinning table at the entrance of the apartment, an area that probably demanded people to refer to it as the dining room. The kitchen was missing the door and the walls could use a fresh coat of paint.

"Hi Paige."  
Thomas gave Paige a half hug and Alex followed Thomas into the apartment, instinctively closing the door behind herself.

"Hello Alex. I'm glad you could come."  
Paige said cheerfully as soon as she saw Alex and walked toward her giving her a half hug as well.

"Hi." Alex said letting Paige hug her as she involuntarily breathed in the familiar smell of Paige.

"Hey Alex, you always look pretty… but I love the shirt you're wearing right now…"  
Paige complemented Alex, touching her arm in a friendly manner.

"Huh? Thanks. Yeah. Paige."  
Alex mustered up an incoherent sentence in response. Their closeness was making Alex uncomfortable so she took a step back before walking into the living room of the small apartment.

"Well why don't you guys take a seat."  
Paige said to both of them pointing to the only couch in the living room.

"Thomas… I think there's some beer and soda in the fridge for you… and yeah, could you also please bring the root beer for Alex while I set the table?"  
Paige addressed Thomas as she walked to the dining table and started setting the plates.

_'Paige remembers that I like root beer?'_  
Alex impulsively looked at Thomas to notice any reactions.

"Sure Paige."  
To Alex's relief, Thomas hadn't paid much attention to the 'root beer' remark and had walked over to the kitchen, leaving Paige and Alex alone in the room.

"Can I help Paige?"  
Alex felt the need to help out as well. She was never the type of person who could just sit while others did things for her.

"Oh, no Hon, I just want you to relax tonight. It looks like you've lost weight since the first time I saw you a month ago. I know that the campus cafeteria is closed for the summer and I just wanted to make your favorite. I hope you still are the human trash compactor that you used to be, and before you ask Hon, food is almost ready…"  
Paige said giving her a knowing smirk while she savored Alex's speechlessness.

_'What has she gotten herself into?'_ Alex thought as she looked at Thomas standing at the kitchen entrance with the drinks he'd been sent to get. She could only hope that Thomas hadn't heard what Paige just said to her. She wasn't ready to tell Thomas anything yet. Sure, he was a sincere friend but things had already become complicated because of Paige and this dinner 'date'. There was no way that Alex could explain things without hurting him in some way.

"Thank you Thomas."

Paige said as she disappeared in to the kitchen.  
She called on them when she came back out with home made burgers and curly fries.

"Come on guys let's eat first, and Alex I didn't put any onions in them 'cuz I know you don't like it..."

* * *

**definitely TBC and sorry about the abrupt end of the chap.**

**reviews r love.**


	26. Chapter 26

hi. so the **Music Video is done and Tru shall post it after chapter 27...** look out for it on my profile page.

**A/N:** okay, not too much to say about the chap except that it continues from the last one. so enjoy.  
Thanks to **andtototoo** and **aeryn112** for taking the time to review and other help.

**Disclaimer:** don't own degrassi.  
I take no responsibility for anyone choking while yawning and reading the chapter at the same time. hint **Tru**.

* * *

**_Chapter 26_**

The conversation over the dinner had remained mostly about food and nearby restaurants. Alex, unlike her usual self, had remained pretty wordless and Thomas had kept a close eye on her throughout the evening. Even though Alex hadn't said much during dinner, it was evident that she loved the homemade burgers, which were made just to her taste… 'with no onions'. To Thomas, it almost seemed like she was deliberately trying to hide that she was enjoying the evening. She would occasionally smile at something that Paige or Thomas would say or reply by giving a nod or a monosyllabic answer at other times.

"So Thomas what do you think of the class?"  
Paige asked as they settled on the couch after dinner. It was a pretty small couch to fit three people so Thomas had brought one of the dinning chairs into the living room.

"You know Paige, I had my doubts about taking Stats in the summer. My friends told me that it was tiring and dreary but Professor Taylor is a very good teacher and I've enjoyed the class so far... "  
He replied as he sat across the two girls.

"You know Thomas, I see a little bit of myself in you… this is how I used to be five years ago… and…" Paige said.

"…Thanks Paige but it's Alex you should be admiring. You should see her when we're studying… and you know about her grade, right?" Thomas interposed.

"Yes Thomas, I have noticed how she studies and I also know about her grade. After all, she is my _favorite student_…"  
Thomas just looked at his friend who had responded to Paige's comment with her newly discovered silence. Paige smiled as she looked at Alex for what seemed like the hundredth time this evening.

_'I happened to see my favorite yoga student...'_  
Mr. O's face appeared in front of her eyes along with those words, both of which, she shook out of her head; and pretended to not understand the provocation or the flirtation, whichever it was that Paige was doing.

Paige was acting as if they were good friends. But they hadn't even talked to each other in more than four years. There was too much history between them for them to jump straight to friendship. Although there was no said agreement between them to hide their previous association from others, Alex did expect Paige to behave appropriately in front of Thomas. Just thinking about how hard it would now be to explain things to Thomas, was making her furious. Alex knew that Paige was playing innocent and her behavior was getting intolerable for Alex to deal with.

"…Nice place you have here Paige. How'd you get it on such short notice?"

"It's a sublet Thomas. I only have it for two months until the student who's renting it comes back. All this stuff belongs to her… including that sheer suggestion of a TV that has a mind of its own. I just moved here with my suitcase..." She replied looking at the TV.

"Just _one_ suitcase?"  
Despite her annoyance, Alex blurted out with a slight giggle, not being able to control herself at Paige's unbelievable claim. Both Thomas and Paige looked at her, startled with her unexpected remark. The expressions on Thomas' face made Alex realize right away that she was out of line with that comment.

"Alex…" Thomas spoke in an embarrassed tone…

"It's okay Thomas. I admit… it's actually _three_ suitcases. Alex, you know me too well."  
Paige responded again with a smile -- she had lots of those to spare tonight.

_'A wink? Did Paige just wink at me?'_

"It's late Thomas, we should really get going..."  
Alex addressed Thomas in a definitive manner.

"Yeah I guess it is getting a bit late and you guys have had a long day…"  
Paige agreed as she looked at the weary Alex.

"Okay since you both agree on the issue…"  
Thomas said as he stood up to leave followed by Alex. They both walked to the door with Paige right behind them.

"Paige thanks for having us… the food was great and I enjoyed it… but you really didn't have to go to all this trouble…"  
Thomas said opening the door while Paige sneaked behind Thomas to say good-bye to him.

"Oh it was no trouble. You have a good night Thomas and I'll see you tomorrow…"  
Paige spoke modestly as she shook Thomas' hand standing in the middle of the doorway of her apartment. Thomas didn't wait for Alex; instead he proceeded towards the stairs as Paige watched him leave. Alex meanwhile contemplated whether or not to point out to Paige that she was still inside her apartment.

"Paige."

"Sorry Alex… I didn't realize I was in the way…"  
Paige said as she turned to Alex and started to move out of the doorway… but then she stopped.

"Do I get a goodbye hug for being a good hostess?"  
She asked.

"Paige?"

"Come on Alex, its not that hard…"  
She insisted with a smirk. After a few seconds and noticing Alex's hesitation, the smirk turned into a full-blown taunting smile as Paige alleged…

"You do still remember how to hug… don't you Alex?"

Accepting the challenge, Alex reached over to give Paige a hug; a little frustrated that Paige still knew how to push her buttons. As they broke the hug, Paige leaned in and gave her a little peck on the cheek.

As harmless as the gesture was, Alex felt pushed to the limit. So far she had completely restrained herself from confronting Paige but now Paige was being unfair. She had already manipulated the whole evening and for what? Just so she could feel better about herself? 'What was Paige expecting to happen?' So she asked the question that had been lingering inside her mind so much for the past two weeks that her body had almost accepted it as part of her mortal existence.

"What do you want Paige? Just tell me…"

"Alex?" The beautiful smile left her lips and now she just looked at Alex with confusion.

"Why are you doing this Paige? Do you really think that your two weeks of charm is going to make everything better? That it would make me forget what happened four years ago? Why do you want to take away what has taken me four years to build Paige? Is it not enough that you left me stranded and broke my heart?"

She was angry. Angrier than she was on the day that she had left the university house. She didn't know why but she was. Saying all this to Paige was causing Alex more pain than she could imagine and she knew that it was only going to get worse. But she 'had to' get this off of her chest. She had waited for so long for this moment to come without ever realizing it.

Paige's eyes, that held care in them a few minutes ago, were now nervous as they saw the flaming anger in Alex's. In the past, Paige had always trusted those eyes because they expressed what was in her heart. Paige didn't blink... It seemed like she was searching for something… leniency… compassion… a denial of Alex's words in her eyes… or even a hint of contradiction of some sort. Finding none, her eyes stuttered along with her words.

"…be…cause…"

Paige didn't finish what she was going to say. She didn't want to. May be it didn't even matter anymore. She just lowered her gaze and stood clear of the doorway…  
Alex took a deep sigh at Paige's accepted defeat and exited the apartment with her victorious walk. Although the weight of the world had finally been lifted off of her shoulders she didn't feel as good as she expected to feel. The pain was still there, only this time it was not for the same reason.

She climbed down one set of stairs before she sat down right there on the staircase. She realized that her face was wet. She wiped her face with a swift motion of the back of her hand and prepared herself to face Thomas.

* * *

Thomas had decided to give them some space and had gone downstairs after saying goodbye to Paige. He had waited for ten minutes before Alex came down in a sourer mood than before. Her eyes looked sore. 'Had she been crying?'

"So Alex, are you feeling okay?"

Thomas expressed his concern after a few minutes of driving after leaving Paige's apartment. She looked astonished at the inquiry.

"Yeah Thomas, why'd you ask?"

"No. Just that you looked kinda quiet tonight?"

"Yeah, sorry about that Thomas. I wasn't myself."

"… so you guys knew each other, huh?"  
He gently asked because he felt that may be Alex needed to talk about it.  
Alex knew that she couldn't delay not telling him anymore… so after taking a deep breath, she spoke…

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before..."

"It's alright Alex. Are you okay though?"

He didn't want Alex to explain at all. He already had all the information he needed to put it all together. The bet that Paige made with him about Alex coming was a little suspicious but when Paige invited them to her house as soon as she found out that Alex was coming was a pure giveaway. Then Paige's knowledge about Alex's favorite drink, her choice of condiments on her burger to Paige ignoring Alex's out of line behavior were evidence enough that they had some sort of history with each other. Thomas also thought that it was important to let Alex know that he was there for her if she ever felt that she needed to talk about it.

"So you guys were close?"

"kinda…"  
Alex was still struggling with where she should start from...

"… yeah I thought so. I kind of felt like the _fifth wheel_ tonight..."  
He said laughing as he tried to lighten up Alex's mood…

"Thomas… I really am sorry…"  
She was clearly embarrassed.

"No Alex… you don't have to apologize. I was joking."

"You sure? … I thought…"

"No. I just wanted you to cave in and tell me already why Paige wanted to cook dinner for you…"

"Really?" Alex asked a bit amused.

"Absolutely."

* * *

**TBC**

**please review if u liked the chapter. **


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note:** Readers, consider this my valentine's gift to u because if i could, i would've dwelled over this chap for another few weeks and still not post it... that's how unsure i am of my plot right now. i know i shouldn't delay this any longer, i guess i'll just post and wait for the reactions.

Thank u **aeryn** for proofing this and for making me change a whole lot.  
and thank u readers for the push and questions.

**POV:** Paige

**Sidenote:** referenced e Chapter 18 , 19 and 20.

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own degrassi or any of it's characters.

* * *

**_Chapter 27_**

Paige had just wished for Alex to come to this dinner tonight. She had arranged this dinner so she could show Alex that she still cared for her. She wanted to remind Alex of the connection that they shared even before they had become a couple. She wanted to prove to her that not all had been lost from what they had between them; and that they could still salvage their friendship, if nothing more. It had taken her almost two hours to prepare the food, the menu of which she had chosen with care. After getting ready, she had waited patiently for Thomas and Alex to arrive.

* * *

The business school at West Ontario U was no Banting but it still was one of the best ones in the country. It was last November when Paige had met Professor Taylor during a seminar at her university. Paige had approached him afterwards to inform him how impressed she was with his work and how she wanted to attend more of his lectures. Considering Paige's interest in his field, Professor Taylor had mentioned that he had been looking for a student aid for his summer class; and that if she were interested, he was willing to give her some guidance in exchange. It was more than what Paige had hoped for. There was so much she wanted to learn from Professor Taylor. She had accepted the offer right away.

Paige was more than excited that she was getting to work with Professor Taylor and was getting to spend time with her family as well. She had considered herself more than lucky when the summer job offer had fallen in her lap without having to search for it. She knew all about the competition over summer jobs in the university from the previous three years that she had spent here. The only downside to this offer was that it was all the way at Toronto U.

* * *

Paige packed her bags. She put them in the trunk of her sports VW and left for Toronto on a breezy summer afternoon. Everything was well calculated. Toronto was three hours away and days were longer in the summer, which meant that she could reach Toronto just before the sunset.

On her drive from London to Toronto, she realized how much she had missed being away from home; her parents in particular. Even though her parents visited her often and she talked to them ritualistically for hours, it was still never enough. Dylan was still playing for a hockey team of some European country whose name she had tried to remember but had given up eventually after getting it wrong every single time.

Marco worked at the social services and Paige was aware that his job took most of his time irrespective of the hour of the day it was. He was the only one she was still in-touch with and it had been a while since she'd had a chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Of course she'd talked to him but things had just been different ever since she had moved out of Toronto. As for the rest of her friends, she wasn't even sure what had happened.

As she entered the city and drove through the familiar streets, the memories of her time spent at Degrassi came back to her. The satisfaction of those endless hours that she had spent practicing the routines at the 'spirit squad' was too enormous to describe in words. The time wasted at 'the Dot' and 'the karaoke nights' at the sushi place with her friends, she still treasured. It had been four years since she had left this city with no plans of returning. Things had only gone downhill after that fashion gig. First she had lost perspective and then she had lost everything else.

The smell in the summer air reminded her of something else and she suddenly felt weak and exhausted. She took a few deep breaths to shove away the feelings that had crept up once again out of nowhere. They didn't irritate her anymore, at least not as much as they used to. Before they used to make her apprehensive; sometimes they even led to a mild panic attack but things were better now. She had better control over them. She just had to accept them and just had to learn to live with them some more.

What more could she do. She had tried her best but nothing had worked. She had searched everywhere for her. She had asked Emily and Jay. Alex had just vanished. It was as if she didn't want to be found. she had erased all tracks after she'd left. Nobody knew where she was.

Too many things had piled themselves up and losing Alex was something that had become most unbearable for her. Her nervous breakdown was the last straw that made her and everyone else around her realize that she needed professional help.

* * *

Seeing Alex on the first day in Stats class was a complete shocker for Paige. The sound of that familiar laughter was what had taken her attention away from what Professor Taylor was saying. She had looked up at the people who were sitting in the lecture hall and her eyes had eagerly traced down the sound of laughter to the girl who was sitting in the center isle. It took Alex only a few seconds to turn and look back at her. She looked just as surprised by Paige's presence as she was by hers. Soon an expression of recognition had spread across all over Alex's face as well.

Alex was dressed up more stylishly than Paige had ever seen her. The sky blue, creaseless shirt that was buttoned up nicely to her neck made her look trendy. Alex did have a fashion bone in her after all; Paige had thought. Alex still wore her hair the same way as before; with loose curls at the bottom. Devoid of any make up, Alex still looked charming to Paige.

Paige had never imagined that this would be how she and Alex would meet again. Her mind had cluttered up with a million questions. So Alex went to Toronto U, but what was she doing in a stats class? Paige felt a sudden urge inside of her to just rush up to Alex and ask her how she had been. She wanted to know everything that she had missed in the last few years. The happiness of seeing Alex after so many years, almost made her forget what she had never been able to put out of her mind. And then the memory came back to her. She remembered what she had done. She remembered her selfishness. She remembered how she had packed that little duffel bag of Alex's for her. The memory shook her to the core as she recalled Alex's face when she walked out of the university house.

Alex's uneasiness was visible to Paige. She had not made any eye contact with Paige after the first time when their eyes had accidentally met. Professor Taylor made things easy for Alex when he started speaking. Paige noticed how he held Alex's complete attention and yet her nervous fingers fidgeted with the pen in her hand.

The response that Alex gave when Professor Taylor mentioned that Paige would be grading their assignments and quizzes brought new insecurities to Paige's mind. 'Alex despised her. She hated that Paige was there.'

As much as Paige wanted to snivel at the thought, she couldn't help but smile at how vulnerable Alex looked when Professor Taylor called her out on her not-so-subtle remark. Though she was remorseful for being the cause of Alex's humiliation, seeing a stuttering Alex brought her respite. Any feelings that Alex had for her, were better than her not feeling anything at all.

Paige was mildly disappointed when she saw an unconcerned Alex run out with a friend during lunch.  
'Alex didn't want to talk to her? She didn't want to know how she had been.'  
It hurt her a little but she understood what Alex must've gone through. Paige would've run after Alex but she didn't want to push away the girl who was already running away from her. The fact that Alex had not come to talk to her was a clear sign that Alex didn't want to talk to her. If it were anybody else, Paige wouldn't have thought twice about it. But this was Alex. Paige still cared for Alex. She could break her rules for Alex. She could wait for Alex to come to her regardless of how long it took.

* * *

Through out the lunch break, students had come up to introduce themselves to Paige. Although it had kept her a little occupied, it still hadn't distracted her from thinking about Alex. As more time passed without seeing Alex, the more frustrated she became.  
She wasn't even sure why she was waiting for Alex. What was it that she expected to happen? It wasn't as if Alex was going to come running straight to her after lunch. Paige sighed as she speculated the possibility. She wanted more than anything, for exactly that to happen. She found herself wishing for just that.  
Whom was she kidding? Alex actions were very clear; she was probably the last thing that Alex had on her mind.

Paige saw Alex come back in. She was with the same guy she had left with. Paige saw him looking at her and then she saw him say something to Alex. Soon they both walked toward her. He led and Alex followed with her most nonchalant walk. It saddened Paige to see that it was still not Alex's idea to come and talk to her, but she ignored it for the time being. Alex was here and that's all that she thought about at the moment.

Alex's friend said 'hi' to her as soon as they were close enough. Paige courteously smiled and introduced herself. This was the first conversation that she was having with Alex after she'd left the university house; Paige knew it wasn't going to be one of those 'hugs & kisses' reunion but a careless Alex was not what she had expected either. A dangly look was all she received from her before Alex turned back to face her friend.

"… Paige Michalchuk…"

"Thomas Smith and this is…"

Paige had hoped that Alex would say something but it seemed that Thomas was doing all the talking for her. He first introduced himself and then looked at Alex. Alex herself stood uninterested in the whole situation. And when Alex made no attempt to say anything, Thomas started introducing her. It wasn't like how Paige had expected Alex to behave at all. She needed Alex to say something. She couldn't take this silent treatment from Alex. She had to intervene.

"Alex Nunez… I know…"

Paige interjected before Thomas could speak. It was just the response Paige hoped for. A startled Alex now stared at her. Paige felt terrible for using this tactic to get Alex's attention but she felt that she didn't have any other option. She was desperate to get some reaction from Alex because that was the only way that she could know what was going on in Alex's head.

"Alex kinda introduced herself to everyone within the first five minutes of the class…"  
She rationalized while she covertly looked at Alex.

Paige wondered if Thomas was the reason why Alex wasn't openly talking to her so she tactfully diverted him to another table. But even with Thomas gone, Alex still didn't cooperate. Paige didn't want to push an already distant Alex but she also wanted to talk to her so she asked Alex why she was taking the stats class.

"… It's a long story…"

Alex had casually replied. She looked bored standing there and seemingly forced out of her will to be there. The answer clearly implied that Alex didn't want to discuss her reasons with Paige. Those were the very first words that Alex had spoken to her after four years and they were so 'impersonal'.

It had hurt Paige that first Alex needed persuasions by a stranger to talk to her and now she was being so distant. Why was Alex doing this to her? Okay so may be she was still angry but it had been more than four years. They were old friends. Why was Alex pretending that she didn't even know her? Paige hid her frustrations and tried to look calm.

"Well, I'd lo…like to hear all about it…" She shamelessly insisted. Since Alex was being so stubborn, Paige felt that she had to be persistent to get through to Alex.

"No Paige… that was my polite way of saying that I don't wanna talk about it… may be you didn't get it. But then again, you never really did get anyone beside yourself. Did you?"

Alex had almost whispered as she had surveyed her surroundings. It worked. In anger, Alex had lashed out whatever was in her heart.  
Anger from Alex; this Paige understood well. It told her what Alex was thinking. Now she could at least begin to deal with it.

"Oh, I got it alright, Alex. But I still want to know... from you. Don't make me take out your file. You know I can. I have the privileges."

Paige replied looking seemingly angrier. Provoking Alex's had got her to lose her nonchalant behavior. Things were looking well; she finally had Alex talking to her again. It reminded Paige of how they used to be before they'd become friends; back when they were in high school. Their little verbal quarrels were what had brought them closer than they had originally conceived.

Paige patiently watched as Alex's tense face turned calm again. And then she heard Alex call her name in the softest voice that she'd waited years for, to hear.  
"Paige… listen…" Alex paused.

Paige could see the nervousness on Alex's face as she searched a way to get out of this. It seemed like she was trying to change the topic so she could avoid getting into the real reasons. If there weren't so much tension between them, Paige would have certainly laughed by now. Paige considered sparing Alex from the trouble but this contriving side of Alex's was something that she'd never seen before. Paige was amused even if she could see right through what Alex was doing. Paige's mind drifted away as she thought how cute a nervous Alex looked. It was apparent that Alex still hadn't mastered the art of hiding what was going on in her head.

Just then her phone rang.  
She cursed it as she reached for it. The thought of not picking it up crossed her mind. Nothing in the world was more important right now than being here with Alex. But then she saw Marco's number on the caller ID. She had to take the call. Marco was arranging the apartment for her to move into for the summer. This could lead to her being closer to Alex than she had originally planned.

Paige used the phone call to relieve Alex from the difficult situation that she had cornered herself into, as she left for the office to receive Marco's call.  
"I guess this conversation will have to wait for another time Alex…"  
**  
**

* * *

**TBC **

_well. i hope u liked ur gift and if not... let me know.  
either way... hope u guys have a nice V-day. _


	28. Chapter 28

pls don't forget to check out the video of this fic from my profile. It's called the video diary part 1. part 2 will soon follow,

in the meantime u can try watching my other **Palex Fanvid -- 'Alex's Beautiful Lie'** from my profile page.

**A/N:** a relatively smaller chap for the weekend. Enjoy.  
Just wanna mention that the London reference is not of London, England; it's of London, Canada. The city is about 3 hrs west of Toronto.  
thank u aeryn for ur help.

**POV:** Paige

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 28_**

First thing Paige did before the lunch hour ended was inform Professor Taylor of her ties to Toronto and her old 'affiliation' with one of the students. The fact that Paige had spent most of her life in Toronto came as a revelation to him because most of her conversations and references were of London. In the last few months that they had known each other, she hadn't mentioned anything about Toronto at all which had led Professor Taylor to safely assume that she had no acquaintances with the neighboring city.

Paige hadn't planned on concealing anything deliberately. It was just that she didn't feel comfortable talking about her past with anyone. She didn't think that the details of her personal life needed to be brought up unless absolutely necessary; having Alex in her class conveniently fell under the category of one of those exceptional circumstances.

It was apparent to Paige that Alex had gone through a struggle of her own to get to where she was. Paige respected Alex too much to become an impediment. She herself had worked hard to be where she was; and could never do anything to jeopardize Alex's achievements. She did what was ethically correct for her to do and requested herself to be recused from marking Alex's papers and tests. Professor Taylor appreciated her frankness and had accepted the request.

* * *

Paige was stunned at how Alex had completely ignored her existence as she'd walked into the lecture hall and took a seat in the middle of the center isle. It was the third day of their stats class and there weren't many students in the lecture hall yet.

Considering that Paige stood barely four feet away from the entrance door to the lecture hall, it was absolutely impossible for her to believe that Alex hadn't seen her; and yet Alex had not as much as thrown a glance at her. Paige keenly watched Alex. Alex opened up a flyer that she held in her hands and was now reading it. The flyer was that of an art exhibition. Many things may have had changed but Paige could never believe that Alex, over the span of four years, had developed an interest in art of all things.

The length to which Alex was going to show Paige how invisible she was for Alex was getting on her nerves. The only thing that was of any reassurance to her was the fact that even in her ignorance, Alex was acknowledging her. Alex couldn't just ignore her. All of Alex's efforts meant that Alex actually thought about her. She thought about her a lot because she was always ignoring her.

Paige knew that a confrontation was of no use, it was only going to make Alex recoil even more. Whether Alex ever admitted it or not, they both knew that she had a monstrous ego. Paige decided to let Alex be and give her time to come to terms with the new relationship they shared with each other. She was after all the student aid. Alex couldn't ignore her for long even if she wanted to. A smile appeared across her lips as she overlooked the matter and went to set up the projector for today's class.

* * *

The minute detail that she had met Alex again and that she was the T.A. in Alex's Stats class, she'd kept hidden from everyone. Ever since her breakdown her parents had become overprotective of her. She had noticed that her friends behaved vigilant around her as well. Nobody ever mentioned Alex's name ever after that. Telling them now about Alex was only going to make them worry. Besides what could she tell them anyway? Alex wasn't talking to her. She wasn't even acknowledging her. As much as Paige was amused by the pretend detachment from Alex, it was beginning to burden her and was taking a toll on her emotionally.

Paige's mom had been on an alert since the first day and Paige blamed herself for not being more cautious. It was during the dinner that she was busy playing with her food that her behavior had not gone unnoticed by her mother. She had asked if something was bothering her. The little query had also gotten her Dad's attention. Paige had tried to dodge the question by saying that she was just tired; but Paige knew that her Mom's sixth sense had been activated. She seemed unsatisfied by her response. Her mom's face told her that she knew that there was something more… something more serious than mere tiredness. Paige had cursed herself; she had to be more careful than that.

* * *

Paige had spent a lot of her time during these past couple of days recalling the events that had led them to part ways four years ago. Alex was angry at her; that much was obvious by her behavior and Paige didn't really blame Alex for not wanting to talk to her. Paige hadn't forgiven herself for what she had done to Alex so she didn't really blame Alex if she hadn't either.

A whole week had gone by of Alex successfully avoiding Paige. She had gone about her business in the coolest manner than Paige had ever seen her. And even when she needed to talk, she'd come with her friend Thomas who would do most of the talking for her.

It was the first tutorial of the Stats class when Paige saw Alex come into the small classroom. Alex scanned the room briefly which was empty except for two girls who were busy talking to each other; and walked to the back of the room, in her usual manner, avoiding any eye contact with Paige. With her patent smile planted on her face, Paige followed Alex to her seat. She waited for Alex to settle before she spoke.

"Alex."  
Alex who had seen her coming looked up at Paige.  
"Yeah?"  
"Good morning."  
"Good morning." Alex replied in her same casual manner.  
A little taken aback by Alex's dreary response Paige drilled further.  
"So… how are things with you?"  
"Fine." Alex was persistent in her off-handedness.  
"… how come you're early, do you live on campus Alex?"  
"Paige, I told you already…"  
"that you don't want to talk about it? I know. But unless you tell me, I'll keep asking."

Unable to hide her annoyance, Paige had uttered but then getting a hold of herself, she paused, "Alex, listen…"

"No Paige, please …"  
Alex's pleading made Paige realize how distressed Alex had become just listening to her so she ended the conversation and walked back to the front desk, slumping herself in her chair.

Nothing was working. She'd given Alex ample time but Alex's responses were becoming more tedious than ever. She didn't want to hurt Alex but what else was she supposed to do. She didn't want to be selfish but Alex wasn't really leaving her many choices. Paige needed to change her tactics to deal with Alex. She needed a different plan as she had already tried being tolerant. She had wasted a whole week just waiting for Alex to soften up and be more accepting and that hadn't worked.

* * *

**TBC**

**the last chap didn't get any reviews, i'm assuming it sucked. what about this one??**

**thanks for reading. **


	29. Chapter 29

pls check it out **Everything Video Diary Part 1** thru my profile. I will put the second part with the next chapter (30).

**A/N:** As promised.  
thanks **CI** for proofing and **andtototoo** for looking it over.

**POV:** Paige still.

**Disclaimer:** i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 29_**

After parking her car in the back, Paige headed to the little café across from the Stats building. She was about to leave with her Espresso when she saw Alex in the waiting line, so she walked over to her. Alex was placing her order at the time.

"A regular coffee and a chocolate chip muffin please."  
"Hi Alex."

A startled Alex turned to see Paige with coffee in her hand.  
"Hi."  
"A muffin?" Paige asked in surprise, looking at the muffin in Alex's hand.  
"Since when did you start liking muffins?"

"I've always liked them,"  
Alex replied as she took her change back from the lady.

"No, you didn't," Paige objected.

"Yes, I did."  
Taking her coffee from the counter, Alex thanked the lady who served her, but chose to ignore Paige who was still standing next to her. Alex walked to the only empty stool by the side window in the café.

Still mulling over the muffin, Paige followed Alex and conveyed her disbelief to her.  
"Then why haven't I ever seen you eat them before?"

"I don't know Paige. Why does it even matter? It's just a friggin' muffin. Let it go, Okay?"  
Alex's tone became harsher than she'd wanted it to and she regretted it immediately. Now, she just hoped it'd gone unnoticed by Paige.  
It didn't.

"You know what Alex, if I were you, I'd be nicer to me," Paige replied before she marched out of the café leaving an astonished Alex behind.

Alex's choice to sit at a stool and not invite Paige to join her did not go unnoticed. Neither did Alex's pretending that she didn't know why the muffin bothered Paige. These little things always bothered Paige and Alex knew that. For Paige, it wasn't so much about the muffin itself as it was about Alex not admitting that her fondness for muffins was a recently developed fact.

* * *

After the little muffin incident in the café, Paige noticed that Alex had retreated back to being distant again. She hadn't stopped talking to her completely; she had just become relatively reserved. Paige wasn't amused by Alex's behavior in the least. Alex still had an ego that Paige despised. She wanted Alex to talk to her, argue with her even; instead Alex played numb. Her coldness was making Paige feel nonexistent and frustrated her even more.

Just to get a reaction from Alex, Paige turned to her previously tested invectives. It wasn't something that Paige had planned on doing, but being overburdened by the mixed emotions she felt caused her to spill her frustrations onto the only person she could.

* * *

Fashion, a subject Paige excelled at, could easily hit a nerve, or two in Alex's case; she started with comments targeting mostly Alex's attire and her color choices. Despite the comments, the truth was that she didn't think there was anything wrong with Alex's clothes. She actually was beginning to like this new sense of style that Alex had developed. It was trendy, edgy, and suited Alex's personality perfectly.

The next two weeks Paige tried the little annotations to get a response from Alex with very little luck. Paige hadn't imagined such patience and self-control from Alex. Alex had grown a lot and Paige was starting to witness just how much. Listening to Paige's comments and not responding to them with the anger that Alex was widely known for a mere four years ago was a big leap into maturity on her behalf.

On one hand, Paige found herself admiring this change in Alex. But another part of her wanted Alex to go back to the way she was; back to being the Alex who would've just confronted her or who would've put her in her place. If Paige could turn back the clock to the time when she meant something to Alex, she would do so.

Four years ago, she had accepted that she and Alex weren't supposed to be together. She was the one who had broken up with Alex and she was okay with that decision. The only regret she had back then was about how she had let her friend walk out knowing that she needed her. She only realized how big a mistake she'd made when it was already too late.  
But then why now did she feel a need to be near Alex. Why was it that Alex's behavior bothered her so much? Was it Alex's friendship that she craved or was it something else? She didn't know.  
The more she thought about it, the more confused she got about Alex.  
One thing that she was certain of was that she wanted Alex back in her life at all costs.

Alex, who had initially looked puzzled by Paige's new tactic, was still not provoked enough to react to it. If Paige's whole purpose was to break Alex's silence, it wasn't working at all.

* * *

Paige began to see how flawed her plan was after one of the tutorial classes when she tried to tease Alex and her only response was telling her, 'do whatever you want Paige' along with a hint of pain...  
It was pain Paige's comments had caused. She realized that Alex did care after all; it was just that instead of her old ways of lashing out, she had chosen to keep it all inside, to hurt within and not say a word to Paige. It was yet another one of those perks of the new Alex that Paige was getting to witness.  
Paige wanted to apologize to Alex for what she'd done now and for what she'd done before but Alex had already left the room by then.

Since Alex apparently wasn't ready to talk about anything besides Stats, in hopes of not causing anymore damage, Paige did exactly that and limited their conversations to Stats. Even when they were discussing assignments, Alex seemed on alert initially, but a visible change in her behavior was obvious within a couple days. Alex wasn't as hesitant coming to her for help in Stats. Soon, she didn't have Thomas watch her back all the time either.  
Paige was glad that Alex wasn't avoiding her anymore.

Paige knew she needed to apologize to Alex but she also knew that after what she'd done, her words had lost their value. She couldn't really expect Alex to forgive her but maybe if she showed her that she wasn't the same person anymore, Alex could consider forgiving her one day.

* * *

When Paige saw Alex run to the door after handing her two hour long test on Friday, she just couldn't help but stare at who it was that Alex had ran to. Upon reaching the door, Alex had instantly embraced the brown haired girl standing just outside the door. The display of affection caused a bolt of jealousy to run through Paige.

_Who was this girl? A girlfriend?_

The girl was a little taller than Alex. They were talking as if they hadn't seen each other in a while and the girl was looking at Alex with a fondness that was making Paige feel very uncomfortable.

_It could explain the cold shoulder that Alex was giving her. _  
Paige panicked and shoved the thought out…

_or it could be a friend… _ she reassured herself as she tried to suppress the knots that were forming inside her stomach.

The girl was dressed casually in dark jeans and a navy blue t-shirt. Her clothes were crumpled; the ones you get from sitting in a car or a plane for too long. And she had a large backpack that was lying on the floor beside her with a Toronto U logo on it. It seemed that the girl had traveled from afar to get here.  
Although Paige didn't know the girl at all, she envied every moment that she was getting to spend with Alex. Not only was Alex talking to her, she seemed genuinely happy to see her there too.

Reflexively, Paige had walked over to where they were standing, not really sure why or what she wanted to do. And then nervousness crept inside her. She was afraid to find out something that she wasn't ready to hear yet.  
She called Alex.

"… Ms. Nunez… here's the assignment sheet for tomorrow…"  
Paige suddenly regretted being so formal with Alex in front of Alex's friend… if there was a possibility of getting an introduction, she had just ruined it. But at least she got their attention.  
"… Thanks…" Alex replied looking at her awkwardly.  
"… I'm sorry… I just thought that you might need these for tonight…or later…" Paige came up with something to keep the conversation afloat but Alex wasn't helping at all.

Her friend who probably hoped to be introduced by Alex, now curiously watched a completely frozen Alex and a baffled Paige. She interrupted the staring contest by saying something to Alex. All that Paige was able to grasp from it were two words, 'Oshawa' and 'Sam'.

"…is there anything else Paige?"  
Alex asked Paige, who was busy contriving reasons to stay there a bit longer.  
"…huh… I just wanted to let you know… that the tutorial room has been  
shifted to the computer lab on second floor for tomorrow… "

It was all written on the assignment sheet and Paige was running out of subtle reasons to keep standing there while Alex, it seemed, was trying hard to make her disappear.  
"… Okay…Thanks…"

"…I'll see you tomorrow then…" Paige asked as she hopefully glanced at Alex's friend for the last time before Alex pulled Sam into the lecture hall.

It was a clear nod of approval and a smile that she'd received from Sam.  
_She not only knew her, she also approved of her? _  
At least this was the implication that she'd gotten from her.  
_this friend of Alex's had really seen through the things that she hadn't even admitted to herself yet._

* * *

**TBC **

please **R&R**  
while I try to put up the next chap **along with the second part of the vid** **Tru** made.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: a heavier chap. and we're back in to the future. hope you guys enjoy it. If u do, pls also leave a review.**

and checkout the **youtube** clip **/watch?vR1Bc0j2OqJI** which is music video for this fic.

FFnet has added a new format, that's why the format of my chaps might look a bit different from before. thanks TLSMistress for beta, andtototoo for all that u do and aeryn for a quote I've used.

**POV: **Paige

**Disclaimer: **i don't own degrassi. Thomas and Sam r mine. ;-\

* * *

**_Chapter 30_**

Sitting in the car next to Alex was a treat for Paige.  
Ever since she'd realized how she really felt about Alex, all her feelings had begun to make sense to her. There had been signs and clues that her heart had kept giving her but she just hadn't taken enough notice of them but after seeing Sam, first the unexplained jealousy and then the need to be just near Alex had made her realize what had been inside her all along. She'd finally figured out why she was so troubled after meeting Alex. Why her emotions were always running haywire every time she saw Alex. Why Alex's distant behaviour bothered her so much and why she'd done everything in her power to get Alex's attention. She always knew that she had unresolved feelings towards Alex but that she was still in love with Alex, she hadn't had a clue about.

She knew it was the biggest news ever after the discovery of uranium but she wasn't sure what to do with it. The object of her affection was obviously really angry with her and didn't want to talk to her about anything besides Stats. As lame as it was, even the bribe of Falafel hadn't been able to work its charm on Alex.

Tonight however, Alex had surprised her by accepting her offer of a ride to her campus. No matter how frustrated Alex had acted about Paige yelling in front of her friends, they both knew the truth.  
When it came to being stubborn, they both pretty much deserved a gold medal at it. If Alex didn't want to sit in her car, nothing in the world could force her, so when Alex agreed, it was because of no other reason but because she wanted to.

Finally after a whole month, Paige knew she'd done something right that had earned her the privilege of sitting next to Alex in her car. She peeked over at Alex who had now leaned back into the chair and had closed her eyes. Alex was either in deep thought or had just fallen asleep; in either case, Paige had no plans of disturbing her so she just took the road that led to the campus residence.

After driving for about fifteen minutes and around the same three blocks, Paige turned and looked at Alex again. Alex was still sitting in the same exact position as she was a few minutes ago. Spared of the usual sternness on her face, which Paige was so getting used to seeing, was nowhere to be found on Alex's now very contented face. It was at that moment that Paige realized that she always wanted to be there for Alex, and she was willing to do anything to get her back. She had already tried living a life with Alex not in it and that really wasn't worth living.

* * *

Despite her little coercion, Paige knew that Alex could still skip the dinner if she wanted to. The Alex she knew just didn't do what she didn't want to but then this Alex was a little different than the Alex _she knew_.  
It had amused Paige how Alex was embarrassed by Paige's yelling on the roadside.

_'Did Alex actually care about these things now?'_ The thought brought a smile on her face.

Paige knew she had bribed, coerced, and lied to get Alex to come here tonight but the subtle clues that she'd picked on by Thomas last night, had given her an understanding that Thomas knew more than he'd let her to believe. Paige was sure that Thomas was intentionally playing the role of a cupid. She reminded herself to thank him later. It didn't justify what she was doing but it made her feel less guilty.

'How Alex was going to react when she finds out' was a thought that still scared her.

* * *

At the prescribed time, she heard the knock on the door that made her a little apprehensive.  
She took in a deep breath to calm her nerves and then opened the door.

The sight of Alex standing right behind Thomas brought her relief. She first greeted Thomas and then did the same with Alex. The fact that Alex had dressed up for the evening, Paige took as a sign that Alex was happy to be here. If Paige was unsure about the dinner before, she wasn't anymore.

"Hello, Alex. I'm glad you could come."

Paige could swear that she'd seen a smile forming on Alex's face when she complimented her on her shirt. The smile had disappeared as quickly as it had formed but the visible blush on her tan skin had remained. A nervous Alex thanked her as she proceeded into the living room.

Paige could tell how nervous Alex was by the way she kept touching her face. It was an old habit of Alex that she touched her chin a lot when she was anxious about things. Paige was thankful that some of Alex's habits were still the same.

* * *

For Paige tonight was not about making conversations, it was about letting Alex know that she cared for her even if things were less than perfect between them. It was to open the doors that'd been closed off four years ago. It was to let Alex know that she could let her guard down around Paige.

Alex was a little tense during the dinner and Paige had assumed that it was because she was unsure of how to conduct herself in front of Thomas. Sensing her discomfort, Paige had refrained herself from addressing Alex. She didn't want to make it any more awkward for Alex than it already was.

It had worked. After the dinner Alex had relaxed. Paige knew it probably also had something to do with the meal that Paige had prepared for her. It had relieved Paige when she'd seen how comfortable Alex looked sitting next to her on the couch. Alex cracking a joke on her expense had come as a complete surprise to her but seeing Alex as her old self again had made her feel pleased.

Everything had gone according to her plans. The dinner was a success and Paige could tell that Alex had enjoyed it up until the time when they were leaving.  
All she'd done was given Alex a little peck on the cheek.

_What was she thinking? No, she wasn't thinking at all._

She'd just listened to her heart that had been unable to resist the feeling to be closer to Alex than it deserved and her little gesture had let all hell break loose. All she had wanted to do was to hold on to this feeling of comfort that being near Alex had brought her. She just wanted to steal a moment, something to help her until things were better between them; if they were ever going to get better. Her heart had become selfish and Alex didn't let get away with it. She had suddenly become so angry that she had yelled and walked out of her apartment.

* * *

_"Why are you doing this Paige? Do you really think that your two weeks of charm is going to make everything better? That it would make me forget what happened four years ago? Why do you want to take away what has taken me four years to build Paige? Is it not enough that you left me stranded and broke my heart?"_

Paige had listened to Alex's fading footsteps until they'd disappeared completely, but Alex's words had still echoed in her ears even after fifteen minutes.

She slowly walked to the door and closed it.  
She realized how quiet it had become.  
Just a few minutes ago, Alex was in this room, with her.

The silence bothered her.  
It reminded her how alone she suddenly was.  
How alone she always had been without Alex.  
She felt suffocated.

Paige walked to the couch and sat where Alex had been sitting a few minutes earlier.  
She took in a few deep breaths as she tried to relax herself. The air still smelled like Alex. Frustrated, she immediately stood up again and walked toward the open window.  
Hearing some disturbance from down below she looked. Thomas' car was still parked at the front of her building.

_'...was Alex still here?'_

Her question was answered immediately as she saw a tired Alex drawl her way into the car. Then there was a sound of the engine starting. Paige started at the car until it finally turned at the intersection and disappeared from her field of vision.  
As she walked back to the dining table, after infinite minutes, she played back tonight's events in her mind once again.

* * *

Just when things were getting better between them, she had ruined again what could've been her last chance; when all she wanted to do was to redeem herself, and to make things right.

_Why couldn't Alex see that?  
Why had Alex brought up things that she wanted to forget?  
Why had she yelled?_

Alex had never yelled at her like this before.  
Sure there had been arguments when Alex had tried to reason with her using her relatively louder voice. If it had ever come to that, Alex had always chosen to walk out on her than to yell at her. Paige remembered that most of their arguments actually had ended up on Alex walking out because Paige knew that Alex could never bring herself to yell at her.

_'No wait.'  
Alex wasn't really yelling at her this time either._ … _No, Alex wasn't yelling; It was the questions that Alex had asked her that made it seem as if she were._

When Alex was confronting her, she'd seen her moistened eyes and the tears that she was struggling to keep inside and there was something else... something that Alex didn't want her to see.

_Alex was trying to keep her out.  
She looked angrier than she sounded and then rushed out the apartment because she was hiding something, but what?_

* * *

**TBC**

**thanks for reading, pls review.**

and don't forget to check out the VIDEO DIARY PART2 OF THIS FIC from my Profile.

hope u guys enjoy that too.

* * *


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N:** this has been long time coming, sorry...  
thanks **ladyroo88** for beta help.  
and **Mayalex** for plot advice.

**Disclaimer:** i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 31_**

When Alex had agreed to come to her apartment, Paige perceived it as a sign of Alex finally softening up to her. Irrespective of how manipulating she had been, Paige knew Alex had already seen through it and yet had still shown up for the dinner.

A confrontation though, was the last thing she expected from Alex, she also knew that it wasn't completely unjustified; and as unpleasant as it was, Paige knew Alex needed to say it to her. What had happened four years ago was the biggest obstacle in 'that something' she could have with Alex and it all needed to be said so they could start anew.

The whole night Paige had sensed the undeniable connection she still had with Alex and she knew Alex sensed it too. Her efforts had not gone to a waste; Alex was beginning to see the bond that had remained despite the lapses of time. What she felt for Alex now was more than she had ever felt for anyone in her life and words could not do justice to her feelings.

She couldn't help but be presumptuous in believing that she could still get another chance with Alex. The happiness she couldn't contain anymore. Although, meeting Alex was her well-kept secret, she now wanted to share it with someone. Everything that had happened since she had laid eyes on Alex in the lecture hall until the dinner she had just had with Alex, she wanted to tell someone. As hopeful as ever, she picked up the phone.

She contemplated if she was doing the right thing by telling Marco and then shoved the thought out as she realized she didn't want to hide Alex any longer; she hurriedly dialed Marco's cell.

"Marco."

"Hi Paige, I was just gonna phone you."

"You were?"

"Yeah, it'd been a while since you called so I was thinking of just checking up on you."

"Well I need to tell you something too, do you think you can come over Marco?"

"Paige, tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."  
She laughed at how he was suddenly on a 'high-alert'.

"I just wanted to talk, I mean we have talked but we haven't really 'talked' talked."  
She rambled, not helping her case much and worrying Marco even more.

"Paige what's wrong, did something happen? I knew that apartment deal was too good to be true, you should've let me look some more…"

"Marco! Everything's alright, I was just feeling a little nostalgic and wanted to have a friend around, that's all."

"… you sure Paige?"  
He asked suspiciously.

"Yeah."  
She tried to convince him.

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as I get off work."

"I'll be waiting."

"You're okay though, right Paige?"  
He had asked again concernedly.

"Yes Marco, I'm fine."  
She said reassuringly as she hung up the phone.  
Her mind drifted back to Alex as a smile appeared on her lips.  
_'She could still get Alex back.' _

* * *

Although the little talk with Thomas had distracted Alex, but it had not completely stopped her from thinking about tonight's events. She appreciated how hard Thomas had tried to make her feel better, and it had worked until she was in the car, but as soon as she was back in her room, her thoughts stormed back to Paige. As exhausted as she was, Alex found herself once again pacing in her room as she thought about everything that had happened earlier tonight.

It had taken Alex a whole month to finally admit to herself that she couldn't contest Paige nor could she pretend to not notice her. Alex had contemplated that tonight's dinner was just another one of Paige's ways of apologizing to her and the only reason why she had accepted the invitation was because she hoped that it would eventually lead to putting her past to rest forever.

Before meeting Paige, Alex had convinced herself that the only thing she shared with Paige was their history together but tonight had shown her how wrong she had been. Sitting in Paige's living room, Alex had inadvertently remembered all the good times they had had in the past. For a few seconds, she had even forgotten that she was supposed to be angry with Paige but the harmless 'peck' was what had scared her the most. For those few seconds when Paige's lips were on her skin, she had completely forgotten the torment Paige had caused her. She had felt comfort in the touch.

When Alex had blamed Paige, it had seemed logical for her to do because it countered her subconscious need to forgive Paige. It had also justified her dramatic exit from Paige's apartment; however, the relief that she had hoped to get by speaking her mind just wasn't there. It hadn't really worked because she still wanted to forgive Paige. Alex knew that Paige had put up with a lot of her lark these last few days and hadn't complained once.

Strolling in her dorm room, frustrated with herself, Alex reminisced how silently Paige had just stood in her apartment and had listened to her accusations without defending herself.  
"Damn, I shouldn't have said all that."  
Regret came over Alex as Paige's face appeared before her and she cursed herself for being so hurtful to Paige.

The day had been long and the dinner and everything after dinner had left her completely drained. Alex hurriedly changed and headed to bed.  
She had figured out what she needed to do to feel better again…

* * *

"Okay, what's up?"  
Marco asked as soon as he closed Paige's apartment door behind him and walked in.

Paige who was standing in the kitchen asked,  
"Would you like to eat something first Marco, I made burgers."

"No thanks, this has to be big if you're offering food… Tell me. You met someone, didn't you?"  
He said smiling.

"Well..."  
Paige pulled his hand and walked him over to the couch. As they both sat down, she took a deep breath before she started.

"Alex was here just now."  
She hesitantly said as she looked at Marco's face for any changes the news might have brought on.

"Alex Nunez?"  
He asked with surprise.

"Yeah, she's in my Stats class at Toronto U and she was here with a friend. I asked them both to come for dinner and they just left a while ago."  
Paige replied consciously as she left out big chunks of information.

"Alex was here and had dinner with you?"  
Marco asked for a confirmation as he struggled to grasp what Paige had just told him.

"Yes."

"Paige why didn't you tell me she was in your class?"

The concern was obvious on his face but she instantly was aware that his concerns were more for Alex than they were for her.

_He had known all along where Alex was and had kept it from her. It was understandable that he didn't trust her with Alex but he still should have said something._  
She played with the cushion in her hands while she tried to hide her disappointment.

"You knew she was in Toronto all along, didn't you?"  
she asked in a non-confronting manner.

"I met her a few months ago and we've been in contact ever since then."  
He admitted.

"Why, why didn't you tell me Marco?"  
She was hurt and angry at the same time and was desperately trying to suppress both feelings.

Marco wasn't sure if Paige wanted to hear what he had to say so he didn't say anything.  
Silence took over the room as they both tried to grasp what was just said or not said between them.

"Does she talk about me at all?"  
She tried to smile as she asked the dicey question after a few minutes of sitting quietly.

"No Paige! please… don't ask me any questions, I can't do this."  
He was upset, "I can't see either of you like this, please, stop, now."

The room went quiet again and then Paige whispered...  
"Marco… I love her."

"Paige please, we all do but you need to let her go."  
Marco voice softened and he hugged her.

"I don't think I can, Marco, she means so much to me…"  
She was crying harder than she had in years and Marco was consoling her.

"Try it Paige, please."

"Marco, I'd never do anything to hurt her…"  
She murmured.

"We already have Paige, we all have let her down. I haven't been able to forgive myself and for past two years, I'm still trying to redeem… " He paused and tried to calm himself,  
"Alex has moved on. Just let her be."

Paige tried to protest, "But…"

"Paige, as much as it hurts me to admit this, she's been through a lot already and all because of us and she's a lot happier now with us not around her. It has taken her a long time to get it all together and we, as her friends, should be proud of her.  
She deserves this more than any of us do.  
She deserves to be happy.  
If you care about her at all, you would leave her alone."

* * *

**TBC**

**pls revew.**

* * *


	32. Chapter 32

thanks all for the reviews.

**A/N:** I promised a weekend update to one of the readers since i had most of the chap written out for a few months. Here goes...  
pls review after u'r done reading.

thank u **Mayalex** and **andtototoo** for plot help and **ladyroo88** for proofing.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters.

* * *

**_Chapter 32_**

The next morning Alex woke up an hour earlier than usual and headed for the shower. The scattered clothes she had worn the previous night, brought back the memory of visiting Paige again.

As she stood before the bathroom mirror, her attention went back to the 'peck'. She carefully touched her face where Paige's lips had caressed it as she tried to savor the feeling of comfort she had felt the night before.

Alex knew that Paige always came to the lecture hall, half an hour prior to the actual lecture and that could give her plenty of time to have the much needed talk with Paige. All she needed to do was to tell Paige that she was mad at her for abandoning her before but now she was over this and hoped that they could be friends again.  
Reassured, she went to get ready for class.

* * *

_'She didn't know what she was so worried about, it was all really simple…',_  
she sarcastically thought to herself...,  
_'all she had to do was pretend that she and Alex were mere acquaintances and nothing more; and that there was nothing between them.'_  
She already hated herself for what she was about to do.

Seeing Alex was imminent today and as the time was approaching closer, Paige was beginning to find herself even more apprehensive than she was before. She didn't know what she was thinking when she had promised Marco that she would stay out of Alex's life. The only problem was that Alex was in hers and no promise was ever going to change that.

Paige knew that all this could've been a lot easier a month ago when she hadn't figured out how much she wanted to be with Alex.  
When she hadn't realized how much she still loved Alex.  
Playing games with Alex now were going to be nearly impossible but Marco was right, she had to do it. She had to do it to protect Alex.

Losing Alex once again was the price she had to pay for letting Alex walk out of the uni-house four years ago. It was her second and last chance and she had blown it. Losing her love like this once again was a just punishment and she knew she deserved every bit of anguish it was going to bring.

She wiped the last of the tears that had been soaking her pillow since last night as she finally got out of her bed.

* * *

Alex sat in the lecture hall at her usual spot and waited for Paige to show up. She had come an hour early and wasn't surprised to find herself in an empty lecture hall. Paige appeared a few minutes later.

* * *

Paige opened the door that connected the office with the lecture hall.  
As soon as she stepped inside, her eyes reflexively swayed in the direction of Alex's favorite seat. The seat, nearly always remained empty in the morning until only a couple of minutes before the lecture; but that hadn't stopped her from still looking at it first thing upon coming in.

Of course, this day was different.  
Of all the days, Alex had chosen _today_ to come early to the lecture.

Paige loathed herself for not being more in control of her naive habits as she quickly looked away before Alex could catch her gaze. She made a mental note to be more discreet in looking at anything pertaining to Alex from now onwards.

With a forged confidence, she walked over to the desk and still gave no importance to Alex's presence. The unexpectedness had really thrown her off and she didn't know how she was supposed to behave now. The gazing pair of eyes that followed her every move was making her even more nervous. Then it hit her that she was still a T.A..  
She smiled in a very 'teachery' manner as she expelled a sigh of relief.

All that she had to worry about now was why Alex had come early to the lecture today and whether she had a question about an assignment or was there something else she wanted to talk about.  
Fearfully she hoped that it had nothing to do with last night.  
She couldn't deal with all that now.  
The wound was too raw for her and the pain of it too much to bear.  
It was hard enough for her to stand in front of Alex and smile the way that she was doing.

* * *

With her formal attire, the well-groomed hair and perfect makeup, Alex saw no signs of distress on Paige's face from last night. Paige's exuberant smile relieved half of her doubts about Paige being upset.  
The only thing that disturbed Alex was that Paige seemed distant to her.  
Alex knew that Paige knew she was in the hall and yet she hadn't so much as looked at her. Knowing Paige enough, Alex knew that ignoring Alex was a deliberate act.  
Irrespective of everything, she walked over to Paige.  
She knew they needed to have this conversation.

* * *

Paige saw Alex coming toward her so she finally threw a quick glance.  
The redness of Alex's eyes spoke volumes and the seriousness of her face said that she had a lot on her mind.

"Paige."  
Alex voice was softer than Paige had expected to be.

"Yes Alex, I didn't think I'd ever see you come with Stats questions…"  
She tried to indirectly remind Alex of the nature of their present relationship...  
Alex was a student and she was the T.A.

"Paige, I want to talk to you about what happened last night…"  
Alex interjected, " …about what I said…"  
Alex hesitatingly said.

"Alex, you said everything that needed to be said last night, you don't need to say anything…"

Paige had to stop mid-sentence, as she realized they weren't alone in the hall anymore.  
A small group of students had just entered the hall and upon seeing Paige, had quickly started going through their list of questions they had prepared for her.  
Soon they surrounded Paige.

* * *

A disappointed Alex just stood there while she saw Paige divert her attention to the impending students. She hadn't even had a chance to explain her behavior, let alone the talk about them; and from what it looked like, she wasn't going to get a chance anytime sooner either.

As Alex walked back to her seat, she mulled if this was even the right time to discuss the personal matter with Paige. The sensitivity of the discussion made this a very inappropriate place to talk and with the existent possibility that Paige might not be on the same page as hers, a hint of which she had just witnessed, brought further insecurities. She had to wait until the lunch hour or after lecture, she concluded and just observed as Paige talked to the little group.

Knowing Paige, Alex knew that an angry Paige was an unreasonable and stubborn Paige. Alex remembered the 'Michalchuk anger' well and that talking to Paige was near to impossible when she was upset. As worried as she was about Paige's earlier behavior, Alex was thankful that at least she understood Paige's moods. Although Paige wasn't willing to listen to her now, Alex had faith in her powers of persuasion.

Looking from afar, Alex despised the hovering students who were currently surrounding Paige and were in her aw. She was explaining Stats to them with such charm that even the lusterless subject had become seemingly interesting. The thought took Alex back to how quickly Paige had acquainted herself with her mom and how proud she had felt of Paige at that moment. It was obvious that Paige was still the same as her mom had described her, _... charming and likable_.

The students and Paige were not discussing Stats anymore, Alex could tell that much.  
One of the girls had said something funny and it made Paige laugh in the sweetest manner, the way that used to make her eyes sparkle. While still laughing, Paige touched the arm of the girl who stood beside her, the way that she sometimes did hers, a gentle touch at the elbow, and then it was gone before you could get used to it. Instinctively, Alex touched her own elbow as she ached for that touch again.

Paige never hesitated to give compliments, and even from a distance, Alex could tell that one of the guys had just received one. The way his face had lit up with 'joy' had made Alex uncomfortable. As he took a step closer to Paige, Alex felt an urge to go over and push him back but for his own good, she saw him step back again.

The sudden realization of what was going on with her brought Alex out of her trance. The comprehension of why she wanted to be the only one around Paige and herself to be the only one Paige attended to, was shocking.  
Alex instantly knew what was happening to her because how familiar the feeling was.

_'I can't still be in love with Paige?  
No, that can't be.  
Am I?'_  
She asked herself the question she already knew the answer to.

It explained everything that had happened so far: being jealous with Thomas before and now with everybody who was surrounding Paige, and assessing how well she still understood Paige's moods.  
Only this could explain why she had come running to apologize to Paige this morning, for saying things last night that she knew Paige deserved.

The uneasiness of seeing Paige in the lecture hall the first day and then showing her how bothered she was of it all at the first chance she had gotten, when in fact she wasn't.  
First, her 'pretending' to avoid Paige and then staying after class just so she could be around her.  
Knowing that Paige never had 'a date with Thomas' in mind and that it was all done for her, she had still shown up for the dinner.  
She now understood why everyday of her stats class, she had spent struggling with herself so much, and why she was so disappointed when she had thought that Paige was the one behind her bad grade.  
Her doing little things that she knew bugged Paige, like saying to Paige that she always liked muffins when it was Sam who had started her on them.

Ever since she had seen Paige in the hall, she had done everything in her capacity to get Paige's attention except for just verbally daring Paige to take her back.  
If it weren't because she still loved Paige, why else had she done it.

What was worrying Alex even more was the fact that these feelings had been there for a lot longer than just a month. They had been there for past four years, hidden deep within her without giving her as much of a clue.  
She had declared this love in the _alleyway_ and it had carried its way into her present. It hadn't regressed as she had perceived it to have.

Alex felt frustrated and sitting in the same room as Paige became very difficult for her.  
_She had to get out of here.  
She needed to sort this out._  
She stood up and hurriedly paced out of the lecture hall.

* * *

Paige could see from the corner of her eye that Alex was audaciously staring at her. As nervous as those piercing eyes were making her, so far she had managed to keep her calm. Once the Stats questions were answered, someone broke a casual conversation about some recent trend of fashion. As relieved as Paige was that the students had her occupied, she could say this much with confidence that this was definitely one of those few instances in her life when she had found a conversation about Fashion very uninteresting.  
All that Paige could concentrate on was Alex and what she was going to say to her before they were interrupted.

Despite the fact that Paige was trying to ignore Alex, she was more than aware of her now flaming eyes that were currently busy piercing a hole in her.

Just then, Alex stood up in what seemed to Paige as one of her enraged mood, and ran out of the lecture hall without looking back.

_'What did I do now?'_  
Paige thought to herself in confusion at Alex robust departure out of the hall.

_'What was she supposed to do now, go after Alex or stay here and pretend she didn't care?'_

* * *

**TBC, **

**pls review**

there was a mistake in chap 31 regarding how long Marco had known about Alex...  
it said few years, it should've been a few months.  
thanks Kauschi for pointing it out.

* * *


	33. Chapter 33

**Author's Note: **pls review, that's all i'm gonna say here besides... bye bye Griffin.  
Thanks **Ladyroo88** for beta.  
Must thank **Kauschi** for sorta suggesting i make the vid instead of writing out the flashback as "we've all seen the ep and know what happens in it anyway."  
Anyways... hope you guys like the chap.  
**Music Video:**In the middle of the chap, there's a flashback that's covered by the vid but the chap is complete on its own. so u'r not really missing big chunks of info if u don't watch the vid, but i recommend that u do. **Tru** will post it as soon as it's done.

**POV:** Paige

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Degrassi or any of it's characters.

* * *

**_  
Chapter 33_**

It had taken a lot of effort to get everything right and had nearly taken her two months until she finally did move into the condo. It was her dream place to say the least and she was more than excited to be here.

After snagging her dream job, this was surely the next best thing that could have happened to her. She had been intensely involved in the decoration of the place from the selection of the Parquet flooring to the design of the curtains. She and Marco had debated for hours on the color Paige wanted for her walls while she had excluded out blue or green paint for any of the rooms since they were the colors of her two previous rooms; one at her parent's place and the other at the uni-house. In the end, she had settled for a couple of shades of beige, which she thought was a more neutral color, and _'more inviting'_ as Marco had put it.

Although her dad had co-signed for the condo and she still had to pay the monthly mortgage for it, she knew she could easily afford it with the current job she held. Most of the furniture she had gotten from her previous bedroom and the remaining from her room from Michalchuk's residence. The couch and other furniture for the living room had to wait, she had decided, as it was too early to be making big purchases she could not yet afford. For now, she was just happy that her condo was perfect.

* * *

Marco had called it _'the surprise house warming party'_ and had arranged everything from the hor d'ourves to the beverages but they all knew the party wasn't just to celebrate her new place.  
Earlier that week, she had received her results back for the HIV tests that she had taken about six months ago.  
It had come out negative.

For the last five months, she had pretended that she was going to be okay, that she was ready to deal with whatever news, good or bad, she was going to receive, but it wasn't entirely true.  
She expected the news to be a bad one and had already taken time off from work. The past month had been the worst for her with all the apprehension and she knew Griffin was aware of it as well.  
She had taken Marco and her mom to the clinic, and when the doctor had given her the big news; she had cried for the whole hour before leaving the clinic.  
The scare was finally over.  
_'It was finally over.'_

* * *

She was relieved when Ellie had told her that Griffin had opted himself out from the party that night. She was worried for him but she just didn't have the strength to see him yet.  
_'What was she supposed to say to him, that she didn't have the virus that he did?' She wasn't that inhumane._

The councilor at the health clinic had told her that these feelings of guilt were natural. She didn't know what it all meant, all she knew was that she didn't want to face Griffin at the time. May be later once it had all sunken in, she could, but not now.

Griffin had been as courteous as she had known and expected him to be. He was in the same boat she had been for past six months and they both knew, it wasn't the best place to be at. They needed time for things to settle down, may be later on they could have something that equally meant the same to both of them.

He didn't call and she didn't either.

* * *

Paige had found out first hand that being in an apartment all by yourself was awfully lonely and boring. Talking to herself and referring to herself in the third person were a few of her newly developed idiosyncrasies that Marco had pointed out to her.

Ellie had become a lot busier after her promotion and so had Marco.  
Marco, who had been dating Tom steadily for eight months now, with a job and his school, had not been able to save up time to spend with her as he used to before.  
Paige understood well the demands of both studentship and a relationship at the same time. She had been through them both, herself.  
'Banting' and 'Alex'.  
These were two of the major milestones in her life and were up there on her list with learning to walk and getting her first tooth. Both had taught her a lot about life and about herself.

_'Thankfully, they both had not happened at the same time because she knew she would've sucked at it… or may they did…'_  
Paige smiled to herself as the thought took her back to last year.

"Alex, where are you now?"  
She unconsciously verbalized her wish to see Alex again.  
_'Alex, her friend, her first love...'_

Paige was suddenly taken by the guilt of stranding Alex when she had needed her help the most. It wasn't that she hadn't thought about Alex in the last few months, the thought had always lingered somewhere in the back of her mind but with her HIV scare, she just hadn't felt worthy of Alex anymore.  
_'…not that she was ever worthy of Alex anyway…'_, she had thought to herself.

What had followed next to her incessant yearning to be near Alex again, was her struggle to breathe as her lungs collapsed on her. She waited patiently as she fought the feeling of suffocation overtake her and with the anticipation of eventually losing the battle, she dialed 911. Soon the oblivion had completely devoured her.

* * *

flashback -- i suggest u watch vid now, but u can do it later too...  
**Everything -- Music Video 2 (Anything) check out the link on my profile  
**

* * *

Paige woke up with both her parents and two of her friends, namely Marco and Spinner around her, as she lay in the hospital bed with tubes attached to both of her arms.

She searched her mom's face and saw her smile.  
She took that as a clear indication of everything being fine. If there were something wrong with her, her mom's face could never have kept it hidden for long.  
She reached her hand out to the tired woman she regarded as the most important person in her life. Her mom had instantly grabbed it which gave her just the assurance she needed. _'Everything was going to be okay.'_

_'It felt like ages since she'd seen her.  
With the work and more work… that was all she seemed to have done these days. It was her dream job after all.  
At twenty, did she really need to have her dream job along with her dream apartment? Surely it had put her ahead in life from the rest of her peers but with the expense of not being around people she loved the most, was all of this really worth it?'_  
She shoved the thought out for now.

"Mom."

"Yes sweetheart, how do you feel?"  
Her mom had asked in her kindest voice.

"Better."  
She tried to force a smile that she knew had ended up looking like a wince.

"Why am I here, why is everyone here?"  
She asked as she tried to remember what she'd been doing before she had woken up here.

"You had one of your attacks and the doctor is saying that the stress exacerbated it. Do you remember sweetie?"  
Her mom had asked in the same soft tone.

'Alex'

"Yeah but I am okay now, right?"  
She asked.

"Yes Hon, you're perfect. You just gave us a big scare, that's all."  
Her mom had hugged her, which Paige knew was her mom's way of her hiding her tears.

"I'm sorry, mom."  
She had said sincerely.

"It's alright Paige, you're fine, and that's all that matters."  
Her Dad responded this time as he touched her shoulder.

* * *

"Paige, what? you're just gonna quit the job."  
Marco had asked irately.

Paige had deliberately kept her intentions of quitting her job hidden from Marco until now. She knew he was going to try to talk her out of it and this wasn't the time to listen to others, it was time for her to act on what her sixth sense had been telling her for a long time now. Ignoring her better judgment was what had caused her, not too recent, breakdown. She had just given Andréa the final notice and had walked to the coffee shop to meet Marco.

"That's the plan. Andréa and her _'hell layer'_ was never worth it but the look on her face just now was priceless."  
Paige had laughed a laugh of relief.

"Paige, what are you talking about? You've worked like crazy to get where you are and now when you finally have everything…"

"Marco, it wasn't worth it then and it, sure as hell, not worth now. It just took me a long time to finally realize that."

"All I'm saying is for you to think it over."  
Marco suggested.

"I have and even with everything the job gave me, I'm not happy."

"It's once in a lifetime opportunity Paige, I just don't want you to walk away from it and regret it later."  
Marco said concernedly.

"Well, it won't be the first time." Paige said with a sigh.  
"Marco, I just really need to do this, I need to find out what I want to do. And not what I think is good for me or what others think is good for me. I wanna give school another try."

"Paige we've already had this talk before, did you forget what happened at Banting? Besides you quitting this job, isn't that like another of the things you're just giving up."

"No Marco, it's not. I'm trying to pick things up that I'd failed at before and this time I'm going back to school with intentions of finishing it for once. This routine of tending to leave things when they get too difficult for me, is getting very old. I don't wanna be that person anymore, Marco."

"You really have thought this through, haven't you?"

"I have to do this to prove to myself that I can have both."  
Paige had whispered to herself.

"Both?"  
Marco asked unsure of what Paige was trying to say.

"Yeah Banting and…"  
She was still lost in thoughts.

"You're going to Banting again?"

"No, not Banting…" she corrected herself,  
"…but first I have to find Alex."

"What? Alex is at Banting. Wait, I'm confused."

"No Marco, I don't know where Alex is, that's why I have to find her."

"Why do you have to find Alex now?"  
Marco was still trying to grasp what Paige was saying.

"I can't explain it. May be I will be able to once I see her; to you and to myself."

"Paige what has gotten into you? You really have all of us worried. Ever since you got back from the hospital, you've been acting different, and none of what you say makes any sense anymore."

"Marco just tell me, are you gonna help me look for Alex."

"Paige, have I ever said no to you?" He had asked, "Besides it'll make me feel better to know that you're safe while you're on one of your crazy quests."

* * *

**TBC**

**the vid. explained :** it starts with the future with Marco and Paige, then there's the flashback in the middle and the last 45sec or so r what's gonna happen later on.  
Everything -- Music Video 2 (Anything)

like it, let me know.  
hate it, let me know.

* * *


	34. Chapter 34

**Author's Note:** MOM's chapter.  
just a quick chap to tie things down with Paige's previous chaps, **chap 27** to be exact. thanks ladyroo88 for beta, and everyone else i asked help from for this chap.

**Disclaimer:** i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 34_**

A feeling of melancholy took over Paige as she walked out of what used to be Alex's old apartment just a few months ago. The frustration of not knowing where Alex was, had put her in a state of despair she had never known before. She had just found out from Emily that not only Emily didn't know where Alex was, she didn't have any cousins, let alone in Ajax. Thoughts of guilt were storming through her head as she and Marco walked back to Spinner's car.

_'Alex had lied to her about going to Ajax. She didn't have a relative in Ajax. She didn't have a place to stay and nowhere to go when she had left the uni-house. What options did Alex have? What was she talking about? The shelter, … club Zanzibar…'_

She had abandoned the person she claimed to have loved more than she had loved anyone and the only time Alex had asked for her help, she had let her down.

A chill ran down her spine as she thought of places where Alex might have gone to. She tightly held on to Marco's hand as she tried to shove out all the visuals that had instantly come to her mind. She wasn't surprised that her feelings hadn't changed about that place.  
_'…every night that you do this, it kills me….'_

"How could I do this to Alex? The thought of her working at Zanzibar was enough to make my blood boil and now I don't even know where she is. Marco, if something happened to her, I'd never be able to forgive myself. I'm the reason…"

"Paige, listen I'm worried too but we have to keep trying. So may be she didn't go Ajax but I know Alex and I think she's safe wherever she is. If she's in Toronto, we'll find her. We just have to keep looking."

* * *

"Hey Spin, somethin' wrong with your car?"  
Jay had courteously asked Spinner as soon as he had seen him.

Spinner had asked Paige and Marco to stay in the car as he had pulled in front of a garage in Alex's old neighborhood. Since Spinner was still friends with Jay, he had thought that it would be better if he asked Jay where Alex was.

Hearing Jay's voice after so many months brought Paige relief along with more sadness. His association with Alex had been a cause of a few arguments between her and Alex but it was his undisputed sincerity to Alex, which had refrained Paige from letting the arguments go any further than just arguments. Paige knew Jay was more than an old friend to Alex and that if anyone knew where Alex was, it had to be him.

"uhum Jay?"  
Jay, who had apparently completely ignored the car he had been working on, received a suggestive grunt from the older man sitting and having his lunch at the little desk in the far back corner.

"I won't be long Tony."  
He replied and continued to walk outside with Spinner.

"It's your lucky day Spin. Today's our special employee discount rate…"

"No Jay, there's nothing wrong with my car. Paige is looking for Alex and we just though you'd know where she went…"

"Paige?" The disdain in his voice was obvious, "Is she here?"

"Yeah, and we were wondering if you knew where Alex was..."

"Spin, you shouldn't have brought her here. Tell her I can't help her with anything and tell her to leave before I lose it."

"Jay you have to help, she's really worried, we're all worried."

Just then, Paige saw an angry Jay march towards the car. Soon he was yelling at her from the other side of car.

"It's funny, you wanna know where Alex is 'cuz the last time I checked, she was with you. 'I' should be asking 'you' where she is… and 'NO' I haven't seen her since the day she told me that all you cared about was some stupid clothes. You're worst than I thought you were."

"Jay… I'm… so"

"Don't even say it. I don't care about your excuses. Go! I said just leave. "

* * *

On the sixth day of their search for Alex, they went to all other possible place they hadn't yet checked. For the last few days, they had been looking for Alex at every place that Alex had ever mentioned to them and still had no luck finding her. As painful as it was for Paige, she had even begged Vlad to tell her if he had any information about Alex. Mel didn't know anything either.

By the end of the day, they had completely run out of all options. It was as if Alex had completely disappeared from the face of the earth. Marco called off the search when it got dark and asked Spinner to drop them off at Paige's parents place.

The condo had been put up for sale and Paige had moved back to her parents house until her admission to West Ontario U was finalized. Paige's only purpose until she moved to the campus was to find Alex but with every passing day, she was losing hope.

They both walked into the living room as Paige slumped herself on the couch.

"Jay's right, I've really messed this up this time."

"Paige, Alex will come back, don't worry."

"No she won't. You don't know how stubborn Alex is, dammit why does she have to be like this?"  
Paige directed her anger towards Alex.

"Paige, you need to pull yourself together, ok?  
If Alex wanted to be found, we would've found her by now. You have to stop torturing yourself like this, she isn't here and there's nothing we can do. I think it's time to realistically think about this whole thing. You're moving to London soon, you should try to focus on what's to come and stop worrying about things that you can't change."

"But I can't just forget her..."

"I'm not asking you to forget her. All I'm asking is that you stop blaming yourself. If nothing else, think of your parents, what they're going through because of all this. Do you know how worried they are?"

"Just think about what I've said. I have to get going now but I'll come by tomorrow to check things with you. Okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Marco."

"You just take care okay?"  
After receiving a long hug from Marco, Paige walked him out.

* * *

Paige was about to go to bed when her mom came into the living room.

"Oh I thought I heard the door. Did Marco and Spinner leave?"  
Paige's mom asked.

"Yeah, Spinner dropped us off and Marco just left. He said he'll come by tomorrow."  
Paige replied as she pulled out the dinning chair and sat on it.

"Paige. Honey, are you alright?"  
Mrs. Michalchuk asked in a concerned voice as she looked at her daughter's saddened face.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just tired."

"You didn't find Alex, did you?"  
Mrs. Michalchuk asked the question, the answer to which was plastered all over her daughter's face.

Since Paige's discharge from the hospital about a week ago, her parents had noticed that all she had done was passionately search for her friend Alex.

She and her husband were still not over the shock of getting the phone call from the hospital that their daughter had a nervous breakdown; and then their daughter had informed them that she had quit her job, was planning to sell the condo that she hadn't yet owned for even a month, and wanted to go back to school. Her impulsiveness had worried them immensely but Marco had reassured them. He was always with her and they were grateful to him for this. However, that still hadn't stopped them from being concerned about her. The way that she was neglecting herself and worrying for her friend was supposed to worry any parent.

"No Mom, we didn't."  
Paige replied in a depressed voice.

"We looked everywhere where she could've been, we even checked out all the shelters in her neighborhood. I don't know where to look anymore."

"Paige honey, I'm sorry. You know if there's anything we can do…"

"No Mom, I think I've worried you guys enough, but I still can't believe she didn't tell anyone where she was going. How can she not tell her mom? Jay doesn't know anything either."  
Paige was frustrated and angry and it was apparent to her mom.

"Paige." she said as she gathered her thoughts, "You mean a lot to us and we're worried about you. We are worried about everything you are doing. Do you know what I'm trying to say?"

"Mom, Alex means a lot to me too, she always has. She's been there whenever I needed her and the only time she asked for my help, I let her down. There isn't a single day when I'm not reminded of what I've done to her, to our friendship. Mom, if something were to happen to her, I won't ever be able to live with myself. I have to do this!"

"Honey, it's hard for us to see you like this but I want you to know that your dad and I, we will support you through anything no matter what. You know that, don't you?"

"Thanks mom, you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear that, I love you mom."  
She gave her mom a hug and a kiss before she headed for bed.

* * *

"Don't be a stranger Paige. I expect you to call me at least every week, no exceptions."  
Marco said as Paige's car started to move. Her admission papers had finally come through and she was moving to the campus of West Ontario U.

"Don't worry, I will."  
She said as she waved her final goodbye to Marco and her parents.

* * *

**TBC  
pls review.**

* * *


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N:** Filler chap.  
thanks **ladyroo88** for beta help and **andtototoo** for looking it over for me.  
**Disclaimer:** i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 35_**

It had taken her a week to get the hang of things after arriving at Western U. Having had previous experience to guide her, she had gone to seek help from the therapist that her family doctor had recommended. She had promised her mom that she would not neglect her health this time. It was the least she could do to lessen some of their worries considering how supporting her parents had been.

Paige believed herself to be an average student and though she had accepted that she wasn't cut out for Banting, she still considered herself to be a hard worker. She had explained everything that had happened to her at Banting and everything that had happened thereafter to her therapist Shelly, who after listening to her story, had concluded that Paige suffered from Panic Disorder.

Paige hated these episodes because how unexpected they were and how helpless they used to make her feel. "You are not alone in this Paige…" Shelly had explained, "…an approximate five percent of population suffers from this condition and even a greater one that suffers from anxiety disorders."

After their first long appointment, Paige was able to understand her condition that had started at Banting. Shelly had elucidated that her attacks could have been partially responsible for her poor academic performance at Banting and might have affected other aspects of her life. Shelly had further suggested to Paige that her constant need to be in control of situations and the resultant anxiety might be due to her 'Obsessive compulsive personality' and she wanted Paige to come for regular sessions so they could work on techniques of relaxation and behavioral therapy.

* * *

"Hey Marco." Paige had said in a cheery voice as soon as Marco answered his phone.

"Hey Paige, how is it going?" Marco asked from the other end.

"Great. We just got our first test result back in Stats, guess who got an 'A'?"

"I don't know, Heather Sinclair?"  
Marco giggled.

_'That's what I'd said to Alex but she deserved it for the way she'd acted on thanksgiving dinner… she would've been so proud right now...' _  
Paige's mind had drifted away.

It had been exactly a month since she had moved to London and still they hadn't received any news of Alex.

"Hello? Paige? You still there?"  
Marco inquired.

"Yeah, I'm still here."

"Did you tell your 'rents yet? They'd be so proud."

"No I haven't had time; I'll call them later tonight."

"Okay, so what else?"

"Well I had my second therapy appointment yesterday."

"Good Paige, how'd it go?"

"...you know, just trying to figure out things and stuff. BTW, any news about Alex?"

"I wouldn't call it news but I went to see her mom again and …"

"What Marco? What did Emily say?" Paige asked eagerly.

"Well she didn't really say anything but I just felt something…"

"Marco, please, tell me before I get a heart attack…"

"Alex's mom seemed… content."  
Marco said as he thought of the correct word.

"Content?"

"Yeah, like she knew Alex was safe."

"But she didn't say where Alex was?"

"I don't think she's gonna tell us Paige. Look on the bright side though, at least we know she's okay wherever she is, and maybe one day she'll come back to us."

"You think so?" Paige asked gloomily.

"Yes. I'm sure. Now stop worrying. You should go out and celebrate your grade, seriously, go party or something…"  
Marco tried to cheer Paige up.

"Okay, let me know if you find out anything ok?"

"I will, bye Paige."

Marco hung up the phone. His friend finally had things looking up for her. She had gotten another chance to be everything she had dreamt of becoming. He felt proud of her but was concerned for her at the same time. She was already seeing a therapist and he believed that the last thing Paige needed were additional worries in her life. Marco knew that Paige's parents were worried about her for the same reasons that troubled him. Paige's search for Alex was becoming an obsession of hers and he believed that she could compromise everything for Alex; exactly the way she had just recently walked out of her dream life.

_'If there was anything he could do to protect Paige, he was gonna do it.'_ He thought to himself.

Marco was sure that Alex was never coming back. Not after how they had treated her. However, if she were ever to come back, he promised himself that he would be the first one to apologize to her. The guilt of how he had called Alex lazy and how she had vanished afterwards was a regret he had to live with but seeing Paige suffer this way was something that was becoming unbearable to him. After struggling with his conscience for a while, he decided that from then onwards, he would avoid talking about Alex completely. The relief that he had experienced after talking to Alex's mom was very much similar to what he had heard in Paige's voice just now but unfortunately, it had to be the last news of Alex that he had delivered to Paige.

* * *

Paige quickly texted Marco on her way to the library as she walked out of the business math class. Her class schedule, though she was enjoying immensely, had completely taken over her life. Between the hectic routine of lectures, the numerous assignments, the quizzes, and her struggle to have a social life, Paige hadn't gotten time to call Marco at all this whole month. She knew that Marco was also getting used to her stalling behavior, as she had been equally neglectful the two months before this. She was surprised herself as she had never thought that making a simple phone call to Marco would become such a valuable commodity between them. However, she hadn't completely neglected her promise and had texted Marco whenever she had time.

Paige knew that it must have been easier this way for Marco too as he hadn't complained. Their little 'texting rendezvous' were working well for both of them. She would text "im ok luv u, P" and would get a similar, but better phrased response from Marco. During their last phone conversations, Marco had joked about how Paige's texting vocabulary was very similar to her brother's and annoyed him just as much.

In the past three months, every time when Paige had tried to ask Marco about Alex, she had received a dodging reply from Marco. Paige had sensed that it was either that Marco felt guilty that he hadn't succeeded in his search to find Alex or that he had completely lost hope of finding her. After her continued grueling of Marco for another two months and his persistent avoidance of any discussion about Alex, Paige finally decided to call it off. There wasn't much Marco could do or she knew he would have done it already. Truth was that Paige knew there wasn't much anyone could do except to hope that Alex would one day walk back into their lives.

After six months of therapy and countless justifications that Paige had given herself, she finally convinced herself that she was ready to move on and close the chapter of Alex.

* * *

Alex had swiftly walked out of the lecture hall. No one else had given it a second thought but Paige knew there was something wrong. It was unlike Alex to walk out like that. Alex always preferred to speak up her mind and last night was a not so pleasant reminder of just that.

Paige stood in the lecture hall and mulled for a while if she should go after Alex but then decided against it. Paige knew that she herself was the cause of Alex's disturbed behavior. Although Paige wasn't sure what had suddenly gotten Alex angry, the irate Alex she had just witnessed was completely different from the tranquil Alex she had met two month ago. The whole incidence had only confirmed that Marco was rightfully worried. Her mere presence was enough to ruffle up Alex's harmonious self.

_'She could not be a hindrance in Alex's success again. She could never forgive herself for such a thing.' _Paige declared to herself.

"Alex was doing well", Marco had told her, "She was happy without us around her Paige."

Paige only hoped that she hadn't already caused any irreparable damage. She regretted hiding everything from Marco now. She knew that she should've told him a lot sooner that she'd met Alex. She wasn't even sure then why she'd hidden it. The reason she had given herself was that she didn't want people to worry for her; mostly she didn't want to burden her parents, but she now knew that it was her selfishness why she'd hidden Alex from everyone. She had met Alex after such a long time and she wasn't yet ready to share Alex with anyone. She couldn't blame Marco for hiding the truth about Alex either because she understood now that he was only protecting Alex. He only wanted what was best for Alex; which was exactly what she had to do now. This was her last chance to rectify all the wrong she had done to Alex in the past.

_'If steering away form Alex was all it took for her to fix things, if that meant that Alex could be happy, she was going to do it.'_

* * *

**TBC**

Reference: Caldwell, P. (2005). Anxiety Disorders. Your personal health series. Key Porter Books.


	36. Chapter 36

* * *

**A/N:** took me long enough to write, hope its good enough to read. lol  
thanks to all who inspire me and **ladyroo88** for proofing this for me.  
**Disclaimer:** i don't own degrassi.

* * *

**_Chapter 36_**

Alex came out of the management building and just stood outside as she tried to get a hold of all that she was feeling.  
This day had turned to be the day of revelation for her. She had just found out that she was still in love with the girl who, four years ago, had broken her heart and had left her stranded.

_'She was supposed to have forgotten about Paige. She was supposed to have moved on. Then why was she still was in love with the girl who had put her through one of the biggest torments of her life and why did her heart had already forgiven her? How has this happened and why had she let it happen?'_, Alex fumbled with the questions that frustrated her even more.

_'It was all Paige's fault. Why did she have to be so damn nice? Why did she have to remind her why she had fallen in love with her in the first place? Why couldn't Paige just remain mean to her?"_

"It was all Paige's fault." Alex declared.

* * *

Not much had changed in four years in this neighborhood, Alex realized as she walked into the courtyard of her old building. The stale air inside the little complex welcomed her as soon as she stepped inside. She took a deep breath and smelled her childhood as she started walking upstairs to her old apartment.

Alex didn't know if anybody was going to be in the house besides her mom. She didn't want to be in the middle of another one of those argument that were only sad memories to her now. She hadn't planned on coming down here at all but as she had aimlessly walked out of the campus complex, she had felt a need to be with her mom. Her mom wasn't an ideal mom and yet Alex knew that the comfort she seeked, she could only get it from her. She prepared herself for the worst as she unlocked the door with her old key and stepped inside.

To her relief, nobody was home. She walked to her old room. It was exactly as she had left it except that it seemed like her mom had been cleaning it regularly. She put down her bag in the corner and sat down on her the bed. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night and surprisingly, felt relieved to be in her old room. She didn't know when she lay down and when sleep took over her.

* * *

Alex slowly opened her eyes when she felt someone's hand moving the hair away from her forehead. Her mom was sitting next to her on the bed. She was still in her work uniform. Alex sat up.

"Didn't know you were coming over Lexi." Her mom said.

"Yeah, me neither."

"You didn't have a class?"

"I did, I skipped it."

"you okay, Lexi?"

"Yeah. What time is it?" She said as she looked at her wrist watch.  
It was almost two in the afternoon.

"I can't believe I slept for five hours."

"Were you tired hon?"

"I guess I was." Alex said as she stood up from the bed.

"Lexi, you've never come home like this in four years…"  
Alex's mom asked with concern apparent in her voice.

"It's Paige mom." Alex finally said.

"Paige?"

"Yeah, my friend Paige." Alex replied in frustration as she tried to make her mom remember.

"Are you still friends with that girl?"

"She's my T.A. Mom, I really didn't get a choice in the matter. I hadn't seen her for years and now…"

"Wow that girl is never gonna stop following you, is she?"  
It surprised Alex to see her mom speak bitterly about Paige.

"Mom, what do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"She came here after you left."

"Paige came here?"  
Alex was genuinely shocked.

"Yeah, with a friend. They were asking about you, where you had gone to..."

"What did you tell them?" Alex inquired.

"I didn't say anything. I didn't tell them about Eliza or you, so they left."

"Mom, why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Sorry Lexi but I knew you were doing okay. I didn't want them to go to Ajax and spoil everything again. I didn't even tell Jay where you had gone to. This was so long ago, it just didn't seem important. I thought I was doing the right thing, I didn't mess this up too, did I Lexi?"

"No mom, it's okay. When was this?"

"A while after you left for Ajax. Paige only came here once but her friend kept coming and asking questions."

"Marco?" Alex asked.

"I can't remember now but the name sound familiar. He seemed concerned. Alex, what's goin' on?"

"It's Paige. I'm in love with her." Alex admitted defeatedly.

* * *

"Wow." Sam said.

"Yeah I can't believe it either." Alex said sullenly.

"No, it's not that. I knew you were still in love with Paige, I just didn't think it would take you this long to figure it out."

"You knew?" Alex was shocked.

"Well, I'm not as stupid as I look Alex. Let me just say… there were signs."

"So… what do I do now?"

"What is there to do? Just stop skipping classes; you have the finals coming in two weeks. Just pass this course and we'll deal with the rest later."

"No, I can't go to the class and feel nothing."

"I'm not telling you to stop feeling what you feel for her, besides I don't think you're gonna listen to me anyways, just don't do anything stupid. Listen, do you want me to come over there, I can."

"Yeah, can you Sam?"

"I was gonna come by next week, instead, I'll make an early trip, I'll meet you tomorrow before class, would that work for you?"

"I guess, thanks Sam."

Alex played with the phone for a few seconds and then dialed Marco's number.

* * *

"Hi… Marco?"

"Alex? Hey, I was hoping you'd call me, I haven't heard from you in ages..."

"Yeah, listen Marco, I need to talk to you about something important.  
Could we maybe meet somewhere?" She asked.

"Well you know where my office is, come by, we'll have lunch together and we'll talk."

"No, it's not a lunch discussion. How about I come over after you're off, tomorrow or the day after?"

"I'll be waiting."

"Thanks Marco."

"Bye."

* * *

Marco, only a few hours ago, had received a panicked phone call from Paige.

"Marco I'm so worried, you have to go and check up on Alex. She hasn't shown up for class for the last two days and it's entirely my fault. The exam is in two weeks. She knows better than that to pull off something like that. Marco you have to help…"

The only way he had been able to calm Paige down was by promising her that he would talk to Alex about not skipping classes and the coming finals. Therefore, when Alex called, he was relieved.

Marco was aware that Alex wanted to talk about something important but he didn't think it was about Paige. Alex had made it clear to him last year, around Christmas time, that she didn't want to hear anything regarding Paige from him and he had given her his word.  
Now he just wished that Paige fears about Alex were baseless and everything was all right with her.

* * *

Alex was running late for the lecture. She locked her room door behind her on her way downstairs and took her cell phone out to call Samantha. It was nice of Sam to offer to come to Toronto on such a short notice and she knew making her wait like this wasn't going to make her any happier.

"Sam, I'm running late, are you here yet?" Alex asked as soon as she heard Sam pick up her cell.

"Yeah, I figured that much as I am standing outside the coffee shop holding two cups of coffee, on a very hot summer day, and looking rather silly." Sam said in an annoyed voice.

"I'm outside. Okay I see you. I'm walkin' over." Alex said as soon as she started walking down the steps of her dorm house. They both hung up at the same time and Alex half ran towards her. Taking the coffee from Samantha's hand, Alex apologized again and together they started walking towards the lecture hall.

"So… you took your time to get ready today." Sam remarked.

"Huh?" Alex asked not understanding.

"No, I'm saying you look nice and you're gonna be late for class because of it."

"'Thanks' and 'No', I won't be late if we walk faster." Alex said hiding her blush.

"So you're saying that you always dress up this nice for class then?"  
Alex tried to keep a stern face despite her embarrassment caused by Sam's smartass comments.

"Oh come on, Alex. You're blushing like a tomato right now…"

"Sam, would you please concentrate on walking instead of me? There's only five minutes left to eight and this, 'you talking while walking' is a really bad combo."

Although still amused, Samantha chose not to comment any further. She knew how hard the last few days had been for Alex as she had become aware of her feelings for Paige. She also knew how important it was for Alex to pass this course.

Samantha feared that Alex's attempt to avoid Paige was going to end up her costing her grade and the only reason why she had come to Toronto was to prevent Alex from doing something foolish.

However, after watching 'an Alex that blushed', she knew that everything was going to be all right. Her sweet friend had not only accepted that she was in love, she couldn't hide it even if she wanted to.

* * *

**TBC, review please.**

* * *


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N:** a couple more chaps and we're done. :) enjoy.

thanks ladyroo88 for proofing.

**Disclaimer:** dont own degrassi or any of its characters.

* * *

**Chapter 37****  
**

Alex felt more composed now. Sam's encouragement and support had made her very confident about dealing with this situation with Paige. She turned to Sam."Hey Sam, I think I'm gonna be okay now. You don't have to stay."

After wishing Alex 'Good Luck', Sam left.

Professor Taylor was standing at the podium and was about to start his lecture. As Alex stood at the entrance of the lecture hall, she quickly scanned the room and saw Paige sitting at the front seat. A little further Thomas was sitting at his usual spot next to _her_ empty seat. Alex rushed over to Thomas as she excused herself for being late.

Things went smoothly until lunch. At the lunch break, Alex finally walked up to Paige. She didn't know what she was going to say to Paige but she had to break the ice that had been between them for last two months.

"Paige." An unconscious smile lingered on her lips as she approached Paige who was still sitting at the front seat.

"Alex, you finally decided to come to class."  
Paige welcomed her with an angry face that made Alex's smile disappear instantly.

"Yeah, I know that was…, I …" all of Alex's preparations of what she was going to say to Paige vanished and left her with a blank mind.

"I'm guessing it has to be something important that got you to skip class, so it's okay; I think I can help you catch up… "

To Alex, it sounded like her bad grade somehow reflected on Paige. Paige attitude showed that she did not want to see her ex-friend or ex-girlfriend of all people to get a bad grade in a course that she herself was the T.A. for.

Alex wasn't sure whether to be happy or be surprised by Paige's offer. It wasn't that she wasn't excited by the offer. She wanted to pass this course. She had no doubts about that in her mind but if there was anything she wanted more than that, was to spend as much time with Paige as was possible. The only motive to be around Paige was going to be over in two weeks. It worried Alex but it wasn't something she wanted to think about at the time. She just wanted to know what was going on with Paige and the more time she spent with Paige, the more she could find out about it.

"Thanks Paige, you're such an angel." Alex said with mild sarcasm in her voice.

"We don't have a tutorial class tonight, meet me in the classroom and we'd go over what you've missed."  
Paige said decisively as she stood and started walking out of the lecture hall.

"Tonight? but my friend…" Alex's objection caused Paige to turn around.

"I'm so sorry Alex that I'm interrupting you plans. You obviously have more important things to attend to than passing this class." Paige said bluntly.

"I'll be there." Alex replied innocently realizing how useless her argument was.

"Alright then." Paige said before she left for the office room.

* * *

Paige was not giving away what was going on in her head. Her only focus since Alex had joined her in the tutorial room had been Stats and Stats only.

"Okay so just try to finish reading this tonight at home and we'll go over the next chapter tomorrow." Paige finally ended her teaching session.

Alex just nodded in obedience.

"If you have any questions just come early tomorrow and I'll go over those with you. Now pack your books and I'll drop you off to your dorm." Alex nodded again.

The whole evening had been this way. Paige had dictated what she wanted her to do and Alex had only nodded to most of it. Paige had kept everything so formal that there was no way Alex was able to bring up anything else. Paige hadn't mentioned anything besides Stats and had made it impossible for Alex to take conversation elsewhere. Though annoyed by Paige's behavior, Alex had chosen not to say anything and had tried to focus only on her studies.

* * *

Within twenty minutes, Alex was back at her dorm where Samantha was waiting for her.

"Alex, where were you? Your cell was turned off."

"Yeah I was with Paige, I mean, she's helping me catch up with the stuff I missed."

"ooooooh" Sam said suggestively.

"Sam, really stats is all that went on. She made it very clear that's all _she's_ interested in."

"You sound so disappointed?" Samantha teased.

"Honestly, I wasn't expecting her to be this cold. Maybe she's still angry with me because of the other night."

"So why didn't you talk to her about it?"

"I don't think she wants to talk about all that. She's too focused on me getting a good grade. I don't know Sam..." Alex dwelled on the thought for a moment than shook it off, "I'm just too tired now. All I can think about is stats and I'm pretty sure that's all I'm gonna be dreaming about for the rest of the week, Paige is making sure of that."

"Well let me know if I can help at all."

"Thanks for the offer. I am sorry I put you through this. I was supposed to meet Marco too but it's too late now."

"Alex it's only eight. Just call him."

* * *

"Hey Marco, listen I was gonna come by your place but something came up…"

"Yeah I'm home."

"Sure, I'll wait for you outside."

"Okay, see ya."

"I'm gonna meet Marco downstairs, he's coming over." Alex told Sam.

* * *

About half an hour later, Alex and Marco were sitting at the little café near Alex's dorm.

"You really should've ordered something Alex."  
Marco said as he turned to her after finishing his sandwich.

"Thanks Marco, I'm just not hungry."

The nervousness in her voice was apparent to Marco.

"Okay, so what's been bothering you?" He asked diverting the subject to what had been worrying him as well.

"Marco, you were gonna tell me something about Paige that day, when I stopped you…"  
Alex asked deep in thought as she recalled the Christmas Eve and when she had first met Marco at his office.

"About Paige?"

"Yeah. You were telling me why I shouldn't be angry with her…"

Marco realized it was time for him to confront Alex about her meeting Paige and hiding it from him.  
"Alex, I know that Paige is your T.A."

Alex let out a sigh.

"When did she tell you?"

"Just a few days ago."

"Yeah I figured you didn't know or you would've called me a long time ago."

"Why didn't you tell me that you met Paige? Alex what's going on with you two?"

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing."  
Alex said in frustration, "She just wants to be my T.A. and now she's helping me catch up. Can you believe I spent the whole evening with her just now and all she did was talk about Stats? It's like she doesn't think we should even be friends now."

_'May be it's because how I behaved with her that night...' _Alex mumbled to herself.

"Whoa. Hold on, you _want_ her to be a friend?"

"I do…" Alex hesitated. "But I don't know what she wants. I mean first she was a total bitch to me then she turned nice, and now… and now she's a total stranger. It's like she hasn't changed at all. Still everything has to be on her terms."

"Wait, is that why you stopped going to class?", Marco asked.

"She told you about that too? Wow, so _I _seem to be the _only_ person she isn't talking to?"

Marco felt Alex's frustration so he tried to relax her. "Alex she was worried and you can't really blame her. I was worried too…"

"My mom told me you guys went there to look for me. Marco, just tell me what is going on with her. What is you're not telling me?"

Marco knew he couldn't hide things from Alex anymore.  
"It's what happened to Paige after you left.", He stated.

"What? What happened to her?" she asked intensely.

"She had an HIV scare and then a major nervous breakdown a few months later. She quit her job and we looked for you everywhere. I didn't think we were ever gonna see you again. When Paige left for London, we were sure _she_ was never gonna come back either. You have never been far from her thoughts even when you dropped off the face of the earth."

Alex was completely overwhelmed by what she had just heard. Paige had been through so much and she hadn't let her get a hint of it all these days. Alex quickly rushed out of the coffee shop when pools of tears began to form in her eyes. Marco followed her outside. After a few minutes, she turned to him.

"Marco why didn't you tell me all this before?"

"I tried but then I saw how well you were doing, I didn't want to ruin things for you. Then you told me you didn't want to talk about Paige so I didn't tell her that I had met you because it would've hurt her as well."

"You should've told me Marco, I needed to know…" she said in more frustration.

"Alex I'm sorry, I don't know what to say…"

"Marco I care too much about Paige..." Alex paused, "…I know she's trying to shut me out but I… I'm totally in love with her."

"Shit! Shit!" Marco yelled.

Alex just looked at him surprised.

"After the dinner you guys had last week..."

"Paige told you about _the dinner_ too?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah Alex. She did it all to get you back. I messed it all up. I told her to not go after you. I told her that you were better off without us when she told me she loved you."

"She what?" The last part had come as a complete shock to her. She knew Paige was doing all this for some big cause Paige had made up in her mind, but that she was hiding such a big secret, was something Alex had not fathomed.

"I'm sorry Alex, it's entirely my fault. You were doing so well, I thought I was helping."

Marco held his head in his hands. They both stood silently for a few minutes outside the cafe. Marco looked at Alex.

"Do you want me to talk to her?" he asked.

"No, my final is in a week. I will talk to her after that. She needs to know that she's not really protecting me. What she's doing is going to take away the last chance we might have with each other."

"You have to fix this Alex, you two belong together."

* * *

**TBC**

**please review.**


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: **I know I said a couple more chaps but I think it might take a little more, so I'm not making any promises. Thanks to all of u who review, that's a great encouragement. Now enjoy!

**Beta:** ladyroo88, glad u'r feeling better sweetie.

**POV:** both

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi or any of its characters.

* * *

**Chapter 38**

Alex disappearance from lectures had completely panicked Paige. Despite the fact, how distressing Alex's absence had been for Paige, after seeing Alex walk up to her, she had not been able to help with her sarcastic tone.

"Alex, you finally decided to come to class."

She wanted to yell at Alex for being so careless and skipping classes just weeks before the finals but she controlled her temper when she saw how nervous Alex looked as she struggled to make a coherent sentence.

"Yeah, I know that was…, I …"

Paige kicked herself in her head for being so stupid as the reason of why Alex had approached her in the first place, became clearer to her.  
_'Alex had come to ask for help. She needed her help to study.'_

It had to be the only reason.  
Why else would Alex bother talking to her anymore considering how she had walked out of the lecture hall scolding Paige with her eyes, only a few days ago?

Of course, Alex had not said it in many words but Paige decided that Alex didn't have to. She was not going to make her say anything. She knew how hard it must have been for Alex to walk those steps that led her to Paige. They both knew what had happened the last time Alex had asked for her help. The memory of the dance and of everything that had happened afterward was as fresh in her mind as yesterday. She decided to make it easy for Alex and offered to help instead.

"I'm guessing it has to be something important that got you to skip class, so it's okay, I think I can help you catch up… "

"Thanks Paige, you're such an angel."

_'sarcasm? Of course 'cuz its all my fault. Gosh Alex, you're not gonna make this easy for either of us, are you?'_  
Paige controlled herself from rolling her eyes.

Alex reply had not surprised Paige that much. Alex was still mad at her for something, it was apparent to her. Nonetheless, Paige knew this was not the time to argue about other things. The guilt of tampering with Alex's peaceful life was new still. Helping Alex pass was the only thing, she affirmed, she could offer Alex.

"We don't have a tutorial class tonight, meet me in the classroom and we'd go over what you've missed."

"Tonight? But my friend…"

Alex objection made Paige tense up. She took it as Alex making it clear to her that she would not have willingly chosen to spend time with her if it weren't for preparing for the finals.

Paige was aware that for Alex, the course was important enough that she had put up with more than two months of seeing Paige everyday.

_'then why is Alex being so difficult now?  
Maybe because Marco said something…' _Paige panicked,_ 'no he wouldn't. He's the one who stopped me. He wouldn't. Maybe Marco yelled at her for skipping, which she totally deserves.'_

"I'm so sorry Alex that I'm interrupting you plans. You obviously have more important things to attend to than passing this class."

Paige was not able to help with the bitterness in her voice. Alex had tested every axon in her body in the last two months, so she decided to give Alex a piece of her mind as well.

"I'll be there."  
Alex's answer contented Paige.

Paige knew that the next two weeks were all she really had. It was all the time she was getting to spend with Alex, after which, she had planned a silent detour from Alex's life forever.

It was her only option.

* * *

Paige's only goal for the next week was making sure that Alex gets an 'A' in stats. She had tried to do just that yesterday and surprisingly, Alex had cooperated. Alex had calmly listened to everything Paige had asked her to do and conformed.

Paige was surprised because she had anticipated Alex to be a little more difficult than this especially, after their little encounter yesterday afternoon. Paige guessed that Alex must have realized that she was compromising her grades by skipping, _'all thanks to Marco'_.

The thought that Marco and Alex were such good friends now and that Alex had Marco looking out for her, brought a sense of relief to Paige. After the two weeks, she could leave guilt free; knowing that Alex was going to be successful and happy. The thought was both reassuring and painful. Reassuring because it was what she had wished for Alex and painful because she was not going to be a part of it.

As Alex's final was coming closer, Paige was getting more anxious by the day. Every waking moment, she had to reassure herself that Alex was not going to be that far from her and that she could always ask Marco about her whenever she wanted.

Marco was the only person who knew about her encounter with Alex. It had made things much easier for her as now she did not need to give her parents big explanation for her quick departure.

* * *

It was the second day of Alex's personal tutoring session.

Despite her best efforts, Alex had not been able to concentrate on the problems Paige had asked her to finish about half an hour ago. After her little meeting with Marco last night, all she had been able to think about was Paige. She knew how she felt about Paige but the fact that Paige felt the same way, was enough to make her sleep disappear

'_Why couldn't Paige just ask her __first __how she felt about it all of this before she made such a big decision?' _was a thought that had been circling her brain since last night.  
The whole day today, she had consistently searched Paige's face for something that could give away what Marco had told her yesterday, but it was obvious that Paige had hidden it well.  
_  
__'Did Paige really cared so much about her happiness that she was willing to sacrifice her own love for it?' _  
It was very frustrating for Alex to be here now and pretend she knew nothing.

The pencil fell from Alex hand on the floor and the sound of hitting the floor brought Alex out of her thoughts.  
She looked up at Paige.

"uh sorry." As their eyes met, Alex apologized. She picked up the pencil and started staring at the problems once again.

* * *

Paige was not sure what was up with Alex today.  
Alex was acting completely different from the day before. She had sensed that Alex was distracted. Not only that Alex was not being very attentive, it was taking her an awfully long time to solve a few simple problems. A few times Paige had caught Alex just staring at her. Finally, she asked in the most casual way she could.

"Alex, is today not a good day?"

"Huh? No, it's good."

Alex looked back at the question she was supposed to have solved by now as she cursed herself for being so obvious.

"Alex, I can see that something is bothering you."  
Alex looked up in hesitation.

"You don't have to tell me if it's personal but I think it might help with your problem solving time, if you share. Or... you can go back to playing with the pencil if you like."

Paige smirked at the cutest expression on Alex's face she had ever seen. She knew if they continued these sessions, it wasn't long till she was _not_ going to be able to hide her feelings for Alex.

* * *

It was only for a brief moment but just then Alex saw it. It was the look from four years ago that Paige had reserved only for her. Alex knew what she had to do now. She had to make Paige admit to how she really felt. She had to make Paige realize how painful her decision was going to be. She knew she had to challenge Paige into saying what was in her heart and the next week was all she had to convince Paige.

"Paige…" Alex accrued all her courage.

"Paige, I don't like that we behave like we don't know each other."  
Alex stated as she saw Paige starting to look uneasy.

Paige was not expecting Alex to discuss _'them'_ at all.  
She did not _'want'_ to discuss them.  
The whole thought was painful.  
Nevertheless, she suddenly felt that Alex had every intention to make it even more painful so she tried to stop Alex.

"Alex, I don't think this..."

Alex knew by Paige's tone and her expression that she did not want to have this conversation and that she was going to deflect it, but Alex was not planning to back out now.

"No, Paige. I hate that we act like strangers now, when we've known each other forever."  
Alex spoke softly as she carefully observed Paige.

_'It's only going to complicate things even more. It'll make it even more painful for me to walk out afterwards.' _  
Paige thought as she struggled to keep a straight face.

"We're not strangers Alex but we might as well be." Paige said leaning back in her chair._  
'Don't do this Alex, please'. _Paige thought_  
_

"Why Paige?" Alex asked, "Why should we be strangers? Why can't we be friends Paige?"

"Because we just can't, Alex."  
Paige said as if it was all the explanation required.

'_Please Paige, give me something to work with here...'_ Alex thought.

Paige looked at Alex's intense eyes that were boring holes in hers.

"We'll just hurt each other if we become friends Alex."  
Paige had succeeded to calm herself down.  
It was obvious to Alex that Paige was extenuating their friendship.

"Do you think I'll hurt you Paige?" Alex asked.

"If not you, then I.", Paige justified, "at least that's how it's always been for us."

Alex did not think Paige herself agreed with what she had just said. Alex really believed that things could be different between them now. The last two months had been the biggest proof of that.

She looked at Paige, who had begun to look tired and weary. She was deep in her thoughts. Tiny spots of sweat glowed on her forehead and she looked defeated. Alex gave it another blow.

"What makes you think you're not hurting me right now Paige?"

Paige looked up at her in confusion.  
She didn't have an answer for Alex's question so she started staring at the desk in front of her.

"Paige Please, I'd like it very much if we're friends again." Alex pleaded.

After a few minutes of silence, Paige nodded in affirmation.

* * *

**TBC.  
seriously people, u don't even say pms anymore. **lol  
**or r there only 2 ppl reading it?**  
Happy Rosh Hashanah, Happy Id and Happy Navratri.

and if u havent already seen the third vid, **Part 3 **(google:** youtube bmryQXXWdrE**)


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N:** second last chapter.Thanks **Jocelyn Torrent** for proofing this and for the pointers and **Mayalex** for your constructive criticism.  
sorry about the delay and the cheesy stuff in this chapter.

**POV:** Paige & Alex

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Degrassi or any of its characters.

* * *

**_Chapter 39_**

Samantha woke up and saw the light coming from under Alex's door. She walked up to the door and knocked on it.

"Yeah?" Came Alex's voice from inside. She was up. Sam opened the door and peeked in. Alex was sitting at her desk with her notes and Stats book opened in front of her.

"Alex what are you doing up so early?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Like you're studying..."

"Good observation, Sam." Alex replied sarcastically without looking up at her.

"Yeah but its four o'clock in the morning. Couldn't you wait till later in the morning?"

"Nope, I had to finish this. The last assignment is due tomorrow and I just wanted to make sure everything was perfect before handing it in, not to mention, my final is in two days."

"I thought Paige was helping you study."

"She is, but I need to do some on my own time if I wanna spend any time with Paige. And yeah, don't forget, you have to round up the troops to meet me at 'The Grille' tonight, Eve was complaining that neither of us bothered to call her during the summer. I'll come by after my tutorial but I can't stay for too long."

"Okay, I'll give Eve a call."

"Thanks Sam." Alex replied before going back to reading her notes.

Samantha just kept staring at Alex.  
In all these years, she had never seen such contentment and calmness in Alex as was visible in her behavior these days. Being around Paige had definitely changed something in Alex: she finally seemed secure to Samantha. She seemed happy.

"Okay Sam, you can go back to bed now." Alex said, feeling the stare.

* * *

For the past two days, their relationship had definitely become friendlier but to Alex's dismay, she was still the one who was making most of the effort.

Alex had casually briefed Paige about her life in past four years but Paige had not even hinted about hers. It was apparent to Alex that Paige was still trying to keep her out. Paige had also been watchful to not let her feelings show, which was now frustrating Alex even more. She wanted to jump over these four years and start from where they had left off but Paige seemed reluctant to let it go.

This evening was their last tutorial of the course but Alex didn't mind sharing Paige with the rest of the class. After the tutorial, she was meeting Sam and Eve at the diner and she had every intention of showing up with Paige, except that she still had to convince Paige to go with her first.

After submitting her last assignment, she stayed in the class until everyone else was gone. As Paige packed her belongings, Alex walked up to her. Paige just glanced at her and continued clearing her desk.

"Paige, Sam and I are gonna hang with some of our friends. A friend of mine was complaining that we didn't spend any time with her during the summer so tonight we decided to go to this diner, 'The Grille,' which has, like, the best food." Alex said excitedly. "I was hoping you'd come with?"

"I don't know, Alex." Paige questingly looked at her as she quickly tried to shove some files in her leather briefcase.

"Paige, I was hoping you'd stop thinking after my mentioning of, 'good food'." Alex lightly pulled Paige's arm and stopped her from struggling with her bag. Paige, annoyed, looked up at Alex. Neither of them said anything for a few moments. Then Paige softly pulled her arm away from Alex's grip.

"You forget, Alex; food is your weakness, not mine." Paige said with a smile.

"Okay, what do I need to do to convince you to come with me?" Alex asked as she sat down on the desk in front of Paige. She wasn't ready to give up without a fight.

"Alex, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to bribe your T.A."

Although Paige had acted casual about it, her real intention was to get out of this invitation. Staying away from Alex as much as possible was still her dire plan.  
She had only agreed to Alex's plea of being friends again because, at the time, it seemed harmless and a quick way to make Alex happy.

However, she now regretted her weak decision.  
Paige had only realized afterward that an unnamed relationship between her and Alex was still better than their becoming friends. Because now, in the name of friendship, Alex was asking her to do things and Paige felt bound to agree to them.

"Maybe I am. Is it working?" Alex asked frivolously.

"Don't worry Alex, I won't be marking your papers, you don't need to bribe me."

"Hey, who said anything about marking papers? I am only asking you to come to the diner with me and meet some of my friends. Heck, I'm even willing to pay for the food for ya. I don't consider this a grave favor to ask a friend if they wanna grab a bite with me, do you?"

Paige looked confusedly at Alex as she tried to figure out her persistence over going to this diner.  
"Okay, Alex, if it makes you happy, I'll come with you."

"It would definitely make me happy," Alex said happily before lowering her voice and jumping off of Paige's desk, "and just maybe it'll remind you what fun used to look like."  
She emphasized the word 'used' and it did the trick.

"Alex, I heard that."  
Alex shrugged her shoulders innocently.

Paige examined her outfit for a moment. "Do I need to change first?" she asked Alex.

"No, I don't think anybody would mind, you look perfect." She smiled at Paige.

* * *

As Paige parked the car, she turned to Alex.

"So, is there something I should know about your friends? Any protocols I should be aware of?"  
Paige felt extremely anxious.  
She was going to formally meet Alex's friends for the first time. Friends who had known Alex for the last four years and there was a fair chance, they knew a little about Paige too.

"Protocols?" Alex squinted at the word, "Paige, why are you so nervous? I told you they're my friends. They're all cool, just like me." Alex joked.

"Yeah but still, I'm meeting them for the first time; first impressions matter a lot." Paige tried to justify her apprehension.

"Paige, let's just go in." Alex said, ignoring Paige's reasoning, and stepping out of the car.

"Alex…" Paige called out to stop Alex as they were about to enter the restaurant.  
She had just remembered something that she felt like she had to say to Alex right away.  
Alex turned to look at her.

"Alex, I'm so sorry I said those horrible things to you before the fashion show, I was…"

Alex interrupted her, "Paige, why are you thinking about all that for? That's all in the past now."

"I just felt I needed to…" Paige tried to explain.

"It doesn't matter anymore what you said, Paige, 'cuz if I remember correctly, I said some pretty damn nasty things to you myself. But we're both over all that now, right?"

"Right…"

Alex walked closer to Paige and offered Paige her arm that she held on to as they both entered the restaurant. For some reason, it reminded Paige of the movie premiere night and brought a smile to her face.

* * *

It was a small group. Besides Sam, there were only two of Alex's friends there.

"Sorry guys, it just took us a little longer. This is Paige, my friend, and Paige, this is Eve and Brian." Alex said as they neared the group. "And you've already met Sam."

"Well actually we haven't really, Alex", Sam turned to Paige, "Hi Paige, I'm Samantha and I've heard so much about you."

"All good I hope." Paige spoke the clichéd words but it had actually made her even more nervous. She remembered Sam knew a lot about her; the suggestive look that she had received from Sam in the lecture hall had spoken a thousand words.

She pondered if Alex's other friends also knew her and just how much they knew.

_'Gosh, why am I so nervous and why does this feel like I'm out on a date? No, Alex said we were just friends. Although, Alex did seem like she was flirting when she asked me to go with her….  
NO Paige, NO. STOP right now.'_

Paige shook the thoughts out of her mind and focused on the conversation.

* * *

Paige had noticed how considerate Alex had been throughout the evening, involving her in the conversation and revealing the inside jokes. Paige hadn't felt this comfortable in a long time.

"Oh, you know Alex from her high school days, Paige? Was she a heartbreaker back then, too?" asked Brian. He was in the same program as Alex and knew her since her very first semester.

"Brian!" Alex shouted, feeling embarrassed.

"What?" He protested, "I wanna know. I couldn't believe it when she said _'no'_ to dating the captain of the swimming team after our very first semester. And then I got the news…" He laughed lightly.

"I'd have to agree with Brian here, Alex. You change girlfriends the way people change pages in their calendars. I mean, sure, you're the vice-captain of the Lacrosse team but I've never seen anyone take advantage of their position the way you do." Eve teased.

Alex just rolled her eyes.

Paige, who was just silently observing their interaction, was surprised at the mention of Lacrosse.

Tonight had been a day of revelation for Paige.  
She had learned a lot about Alex and about what her last four years had been like.

It was apparent to her that Alex had led a very eventful and rich life during these past years and was currently surrounded by people who cared about her, who loved her dearly, and she them.

Paige felt proud of Alex and felt honored to have been invited by Alex to this gathering.

"Alex, I didn't know you still played Lacrosse?" Paige commented.

Alex just smiled at her.

"Good diversion, Paige" Eve admiringly looked at Paige for changing the topic and then looked at Alex, "though seriously, Alex, Ellie Nash is probably your only lucky ex who you still talk to."

"Ellie Nash? Alex, you talk to Ellie? Wait, you dated Ellie?"  
A surprised Paige still had to decide which news was more shocking for her.

"No, Paige."  
Alex corrected before she defensively turned to Eve to clarify further, the irritation evident in her voice,  
"Eve, I never dated Ellie, she's only my friend. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Whatever, that's not what it looked like to me." Eve shrugged, still not believing.

Sam was laughing at the hilarity of the whole situation and at Alex. Alex had rarely been the defender in most situations and seeing the tables turned on her like this, because of Paige's presence, was amusing for Sam. Alex just sneered at her, which caused her laughter to cease.

"Well I know another one of Alex's lucky exes whom she still talks to." Sam revealed.

"Yeah, who?" Both Eve and Brian asked instantly.

"Eve, are you blind? Would I actually have to tell you?" Sam looked at Paige suggestively.

"What? Paige? You two dated? Of course, oh my God, it's so obvious. There's still that chemistry between you two. I don't know how I could have missed that."  
Eve got over the news quickly and starting prying, "Are you two dating now…?"

"No, we're just friends." Alex said looking at Paige, "Right Paige?" She asked.  
Paige barely nodded as she struggled to control her fluttering heart.

"So did Alex break your heart too?"  
Eve had suddenly become very interested in them, which was as embarrassing for Alex as it was for Paige.

Alex saw as Paige shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Guys, it's getting late." Alex said looking at the time, "I think at least I should call it a night. I still have to do some reading for the final." She said getting up.

"Okay, Alex. I'll be crashing over at Eve's tonight; your late night rendezvous with books are keeping me from enjoying the summer break." Samantha teased, giving Alex a loving look.

"Alex, do you want a ride?" Eve asked.

"No, I'll drive Alex."  
Paige declared before Alex could say anything.

* * *

They had both remained quiet during the drive to Alex's dorm. There was a sense of awkwardness between them because of how the night had ended.

Alex decided to not dampen the effects the night had left upon Paige.  
The suggestion that there could be more between them and that they had chemistry that was visible to people around them, was something she wanted Paige to think about tonight.

As Paige stopped the car, she turned to face Alex.

"I had a great time tonight, Alex. I'm glad you asked me to come."

"No problem, Paige." Alex smiled. "Maybe we can do this again sometime?"

"Only if you promise it'll be this much fun."

"I think I can arrange that, how about after my final?"

It instantly reminded Paige that their time together was dated,  
_'Two more days, that's it.'_

"Alex, what was Eve saying about you changing girlfriends frequently?"  
Paige finally got the nerve to ask.

"Oh, she was just kidding." Alex looked embarrassed yet again.

"There has to be some truth in it if she brought it up." Paige insisted.

"I don't know, Paige I guess it's hard to find what I'm looking for?"

"Why is it hard, Alex?" Paige asked, confused.

"Maybe because you totally ruined me when you broke my heart, Paige."  
Alex answered in a serious tone before breaking into laughter at Paige's panicked expression,  
"I'm kidding, Paige, I'm kidding."

Paige sighed as she hoped it was only a joke because she could see some truth behind Alex's statement. She knew she had been anything but fair to Alex and the way things had ended up between them, the thought of Alex putting up a wall and not letting people inside, was not that surprising. She decided she would discuss this with Alex eventually. She wanted to make things better for Alex before she left.

"So, I've got to go, hit the books. I'll see you on the day of the final, then?"

"Of course, good luck, Alex, and study hard."  
Paige unconsciously leaned into Alex to kiss goodbye and then controlled herself.

_'Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. This is not a date.'_

Her reaction hadn't remained hidden from Alex.  
Alex got out of the car as she tried to hide the smile that had suddenly appeared. Her little plan tonight seemed to have worked perfectly.

_'Can't you see, Paige, we can never be 'just friends' anymore. We have come too far from there. There's so much history, there's so much more. You're my 'soul-mate' and I don't know about you but you're the only one for me and you'll always be JUST that.'_

"Bye Paige." She said waving as she walked to the dorm house door.

* * *

Paige carried her exhausted self up to her bedroom and threw herself on the bed.  
The whole evening, her feelings had desperately tried to break the promise she had made to Marco.

_'How could she refuse? Her heart could never have forgiven her had she said no to Alex. It was only one dinner, which could easily have been her very last dinner EVER with Alex.'_

She affirmed the fairness of her excuses, nevertheless, she knew, she was supposed to keep her distance for a good reason.  
Playing the casual card had been very difficult.  
The pull she felt toward Alex was more than that of the earth's gravity itself and resisting it, was close to impossible.

This closeness to Alex had certainly ignited something in her.  
To refrain herself from looking at Alex's face, to not able to touch her, to not able to feel her, it had been a torture.

Now she could not help but think of what she could still have with Alex.  
Holding on to Alex's arm had felt so right.  
Those frequent smiles and the soft nudges they exchanged during the dinner felt so right, and there was no doubt in Paige's mind that kissing Alex goodbye would've felt right too.

Paige rolled her eyes as she sat up on the bed.

_'Of course I'm in love with her. Of course, it'll all feel right to me but did Alex feel nothing?' She asked herself, 'she said to Eve, we were just good friends... but even Eve noticed, we had chemistry…'_

Maybe this whole situation needed re-evaluation.  
Maybe just running out on Alex was not the best decision.

Maybe she needed to find out how Alex really felt, but exactly how could she ask Alex this question.

_'What if Alex doesn't feel the same way?  
What if Alex finding out that she had been thinking about her like 'that' ruined what they had right now?'_

She could not risk that.  
She could not risk that under any circumstances.

It had to be Alex suggesting it, Paige decided.

_'If Alex wants something more, she has to be the one who says it...'_

* * *

"That's what I wanted her to know, Sam. If she wants me back, this is the time. She keeps calling me a friend when we both know that is not how she feels. She almost kissed me when we were saying goodbyes tonight."

"Wow. Well Alex, you can't rush these things, just give her some time. She obviously loves you a lot if she's letting you go."

"What kinda twisted logic is that, Sam? If she loved me, she would wanna be with me."

"Alex, calm down, I know she'll come around and if she still doesn't, you should go for it."

"Yeah, that's what I'll do. I just can't play this game anymore; it's frustrating." Alex said, slamming the pen on the table and switching the cell phone on to her other ear.

"Well, Eve did a good job with her questionnaire." Samantha rolled her eyes at how prying Eve had been that night

"Yeah, she did." The memory of the dinner calmed Alex down once again.

"All the trouble you're going through, I bet it'll get Paige to think about making the right decision."

"It better Sam, it better." Alex replied gloomily.

* * *

To be continued...  
Btw, thanks for the amazing reviews guys.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N:** **Last chap** as promised.  
Thanks **Jocelyn Torrent** for proofing and other advice.

**Disclaimer:** I dont own degrassi or any of its characters.

* * *

**_Chapter 40_**

The two and a half hour long final had started at eight o'clock sharp and as soon as it was over, most students had tried to quickly dissipate as if they had been held there against their wills.

"Okay, people, before you guys abandon this place completely; there are two things I want to say. One, your results will be mailed to you in about a week. If you have any concerns, meet me afterward; second, it was a pleasure knowing you all and I hope we've both learned something from each other. I wish you all well and accomplished lives," said Professor Taylor before he went back to his office.

"How'd you do, Alex?" Paige asked as Alex neared her.

"Damn well, Paige." Alex returned excitedly.

"Hey, Paige," Thomas called, catching up to them.

"Hi Thomas, how'd it go?"

"Pretty good, I think," he replied and then addressed Alex, "Thanks a lot for dragging my ass to the library yesterday, Alex."

"My pleasure," Alex giggled. Thomas smiled and turned back to Paige.

"Well, Paige, I hope you won't just disappear on us now that we're done with summer school. We will see you again, won't we?"

"Hey, I'm going to be in London but I'll still be just a phone call away from you guys." Paige answered, grinning.

"Actually, I do need to ask you a few things?"

"Thomas, you're more than welcome to ask me anything regarding the program."

"Thanks. Well, I'm exhausted guys. I'm so relieved that I think I'm just gonna go home and sleep continuously for the next two days. Alex, I'll talk you later, okay? "

"Okay, Thomas, bye." Alex and Paige said simultaneously.

"Bye, guys."

Thomas had reminded Alex of how exhausted she felt.

"I wish I could do that, but I've got tons to do." Alex said to herself.

Paige looked at her questioningly.

"Are you doing something this afternoon, Alex?"

Paige hoped Alex would say 'no'.  
She was counting on spending the next few hours with her. These few hours were all she had to satisfy her heart's desire to be with Alex and figure out if Alex had the faintest of feelings for her. After which, she had planned a quick visit to her parents with all her belongings, as she was to leave for London early the very next morning.

"Well, I have to go to the physiotherapy department and tell them to expect my results in a week's time. Then I have to make a call to Ajax and let Eliza know how things are going. Also, Brandon asked me to call him as soon as I'm done with the final. I think he's planning a visit to Toronto before my summer break is over. Yeah, that's everything." Alex replied recollecting all that she had to do.

"That does seem like a lot, Alex." Paige smiled.

"Yeah, it is but I was hoping I could also spend some time with you, now that this Stats thing is over. What are you doing later?" Alex asked.

Paige felt as if Alex had read her mind. She had been mulling for a while when was the best time to tell Alex that she was leaving for London.

"When are you leaving for London, Paige?"  
Alex asked the inevitable question.

"I was hoping, pretty soon actually."

"Like, how soon?"  
Alex looked at her suspiciously.

"Like, tomorrow."  
Paige replied guiltily.

"Tomorrow, as in, in less than twenty-four hours?" Alex panicked. "What, you're just gonna leave? We haven't even talked." Alex looked disappointed, "When were you planning on telling me this, Paige?"

"Alex, I haven't left yet. Why don't you take care of the stuff you're supposed to do and let me take care of a few things of my own? Then you can come by my place later and we'll talk as long as you want. How does this sound?"

"Okay, I'll meet you in a couple hours. But you're not going anywhere until we're all caught up. You haven't told me anything about you yet."

"Don't worry Alex, I promise I won't go anywhere until I get an approval from you."

* * *

Alex walked up the two flights of stairs that led to Paige's little one-bedroom apartment. She had visited it not too long ago. Alex took a deep breath and then knocked on the door.

A fond smile appeared on Paige's face as she opened the front door and saw Alex standing.

"Alex, I wasn't expecting you so soon."

"Oh, I was done early so I thought maybe we could go for lunch together, but it's okay, I can come back later if you want." Alex politely offered.

"No, that's not what I meant. I was just doing some packing. C'mon in,"

"Are those bags packed already?" Alex looked surprised at the sight of the two suitcases in the corner of the living room.

"Yeah, that's two of them. There's another in the bedroom that I'm currently working on."  
Paige revealed as she walked into the bedroom after locking the door behind Alex.

"I didn't know you hated Toronto so much that you planned on leaving it right away, Paigey."  
Alex spoke, hiding her disappointment as she followed Paige to the bedroom, who, to Alex's dismay, had busied herself in packing once again.

"Well, I live in London now, Alex, so…" Paige justified.

"Yeah but you've got enough reasons to hang around here until the summer break is over, don't you, Paige?" Alex searched Paige's face for any reactions, "I mean your parents are still here and you have friends and I'm here..."

"Yeah," Paige sighed as the sadness took over her once again. She shook it off and changed the topic, "Alex there's some food in the fridge if you're hungry. Why don't you help yourself while I finish with the packing?"

Alex's appetite had long disappeared ever since she had seen the packed bags near the entrance of the apartment.

"I'm not hungry anymore." She said coldly as she glared at Paige, who had gone back to collecting her stuff from the bathroom and was now putting it in a bag.

"Why'd you decide to move to London, Paige?"  
Alex inquired, forcing the conversation back to the same topic as she uneasily sat on the edge of the bed.

"Because Western is only second best to Banting in their Marketing program. That, and I needed a change of scenery. Toronto turned extremely boring for me once I decided to leave the fashion scene." Paige explained folding the shirts.

"Of course, it did." Alex rolled her eyes at Paige's obvious lie.

_'How was she supposed to get Paige to declare her love when Paige was already planning to leave the city the very next day? This was hopeless and Paige was crazy.'_ Alex decided in her mind.

"What, Alex? You look disappointed. I thought you'd be relieved to see me go. Y'know, things going back to how they were before?" Paige suggested as she tried to ease her own pain.

"Well, since you didn't get me the first time, Paige, I really wished you'd stay a bit longer. I was finally getting used to having you back here."

"Alex, are you saying you're gonna miss me?"  
Paige teased playfully and Alex's heart sank further at the thought.

"You know I will, Paige."  
Alex said as a matter of fact, almost sad that Paige doubted it.

"Well that's life, Alex. It doesn't always work out like you plan it out to be. We both should know."  
Paige almost succeeded in convincing herself and hiding her own moroseness.

_'I'm not getting anywhere with this. She's never gonna admit it unless I say it first.'_

Alex got off the bed and walked behind Paige who was standing between the bed and the closet, now unenthusiastically folding the shirts and placing them directly into the third suitcase that sat on the floor.

* * *

Paige felt both of Alex's hand slide down her arms making her stop with the folding. Alex's arms then slowly were wrapped around her waist in an embrace. Alex rested her face on Paige's shoulder and her chin slightly grazed the right side of Paige's neck and shoulder.

Alarmed at the subtle contact, Paige gasped but then relaxed into Alex as her own arms wrapped around Alex's. She had waited for so long to feel what she was currently feeling. Unconsciously her head rested back on Alex, Alex's shoulder supported it. To Paige, time had completely stopped and only the sound of their breathing could be heard.

Then Paige suddenly realized what was happening and eventually the reality completely kicked in.

"Alex, what are you doing?" She shouted as she pulled Alex's arms away from her.  
Freeing herself from the light embrace, she walked to the window which was on the other side of the room.

She needed to be far away from where Alex right now.

Her face, she knew, was a picture of her own betrayal and she didn't yet have the strength to show it to Alex, so she just stood there with her back turned.

"Just doing what's right. I think it's about time, don't you think, Paige?"  
Alex confronted softly.

Alex had said all that Paige needed to hear from her and knew exactly what Alex meant by that. Alex had confessed her feelings to her. It was what Paige had waited for months to hear.

Paige's brain raced. Her heart beat faster.  
Her heart was satisfied with Alex's explanation but her brain wasn't yet.

"Alex, this," Paige was at loss for words, "we're just friends, right?" She asked again, just in case she had misunderstood Alex the first two times.

"Sure we are, and a lot more and you know it. Paige, would you, at least, turn around?"  
Not being able to see and read Paige's face was beginning to annoy Alex.

Paige nervously turned and looked at her.

"Alex, it won't work. What if something goes wrong? It'll destroy us, our friendship…"

"It'll probably kill me, Paige, but I think it's worth the risk." Alex smiled with pain in her voice.

"Is this really what you want?" Paige asked for the fourth time.

Alex walked close to where Paige was standing, "More than anything." she said.

Paige knew there was no point in making Alex say it anymore. Every cell of Alex's body was speaking on her behalf. Alex's eyes that had never lied to Paige met hers, confirming everything.

Alex took Paige's hands in hers, encouraging her, "Just tell me what you want, Paige. I have to know before you leave."

Paige finally said looking deep into Alex's eyes, "I love you, Alex. More than I've ever loved anyone. More than I'll ever be able to tell you."

Paige's lips instantly reached for Alex's with an urge she had not felt in the last four years.

* * *

"Hon, you awake?"  
Paige softly asked as to not disturb Alex if she were.

Alex shifted a little in the bed and then opened her eyes, "Yeah."

"Good morning." Paige murmured as she looked lovingly at her.  
Alex smiled as she turned to look at Paige, who was lying to her left.

Waking up beside Paige was something that had been restricted to her memories and dreams. The idea that it might become a reality again, she didn't think would ever happen again.

Wrapping the bed sheet so it covered the essentials, she rolled over, closing the gap between her and Paige, and kissed her on the forehead. Alex then placed her head on Paige's shoulder and draped her arm over, pulling her closer.

"Hey, weren't you leaving for London this morning?" Alex asked in her groggy voice.  
Her romantic mood quickly turned into a playful one, "Or maybe you did leave a few times, in the wee hours of this morning and now you're back here with me. Let me count how many times, one... two... three..." Alex teased.

"Alex! Shut up." Paige stopped Alex as she blushed at the memory of how satisfying the night had been. Alex by her side was all that she had needed to feel this way.

_'It was all she would ever need.'_ Paige thought and the blush deepened.

Alex, surprised by Paige's timid reactions, just observed Paige in amazement and then gave Paige a chaste kiss, "Paige, you know you look even more beautiful when you blush."

"Yeah well, I didn't know you were keeping a score of your achievements, Alex."  
Paige rolled her eyes but the smile was still plastered on her lips and she was still unable to make an eye contact with Alex.

"And you claim to know me so well? This kinda stuff I have to remember. It goes directly in my black diary."

"You keep a diary, Alex?" Paige's smile disappeared and she stared at Alex.  
She did not look amused.

"Alex, since when did you turn into a Casanova? Is that what Eve was referring to? Where is the diary, Alex? I wanna see it."

"What Eve was referring to was me dating but not clicking with any of them, hence the title of a 'heart-breaker'. There's no diary. And as for you, you still don't get my jokes. You've still got a lot to learn about me, Paigey."

"Well, in that case, it's a good thing you're right here, then." The smile reappeared.  
"Don't worry, Alex. I'll commit myself to learn you thoroughly, inside and out. In fact, how about a quick lesson right now?" Paige asked as she propped up her neck for a kiss and Alex leaned into it.

Every single kiss, a promise made for the beautiful future that awaited them.

* * *

**THE END.**

pls review, especially if you were waiting for me to end the story before reviewing ;).

i'm considering if i should have an epilogue.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** Epilogue... since ppl wanted me to tie things up with the very first chap... there you go. and have a Happy Halloween, be safe.  
Thanks **werewolf666vampire** for proofing.

**Disclaimer:** I dont own degrassi or any of its characters.

* * *

**_Chapter 41 / Epilogue_**

It had been four days since Paige and Alex had gotten back together. They were strolling through the downtown streets, arm-in-arm, on a breezy, summer afternoon, when Paige gave Alex the news.

"I called my mom earlier this morning and told her that I've found you. She asked if we would join them over dinner on Saturday and I said yes."

The information made Alex panic. She wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready to meet the parents of the girl she loved especially, since according to Paige, she hadn't officially come out to her parents yet.

Alex had met Mr. and Mrs. Michalchuk a few other times and knew that they were sharp folks and mostly got to the bottom of things. Sitting in front of them and hiding things from them was not only going to be awkward, it was going to be very difficult too.

In addition, unlike before, her status had been upgraded to their only daughter's girlfriend, which made Alex feel mildly guilty since she remembered what Paige had said to her four years ago, about her being their only chance for providing them with grandchildren.

"Paige, you should've asked me first." Alex said, stopping in her tracks.

"Well, I'm asking now, Hon. Why, what's wrong?"  
Alex felt the grip on her arm tighten. She knew she had alarmed Paige now.

"Nothing. I just preferred you'd asked me before telling your parents we were coming. I mean, what's the hurry?" Alex tried to sound casual about the whole thing. "You know, since we just got back together."

"Alex, I just thought it would be a good idea." Paige looked at her with plea in her eyes.

"Do they know about us?"

"No, I haven't said anything. Do you want me to?"

Alex knew how important Paige's parents were for her.  
This whole conversation had reminded Alex of the discussion they had four years ago when Alex tried to pressure Paige into coming out to her parents. It had resulted in them arguing and Alex walking out of the house. Alex now understood that it was wrong of her to force Paige into doing something she wasn't ready to do before.

"No.", Alex put her arm around Paige, "Paige, I love you, and I won't make you do anything you're not ready for." Alex said as she brought Paige's hand to her lips and kissed it; as she prepared herself to pretend to be just Paige's friend in front of her parents.

If she had to play charades for Paige, she had no qualms about it; however, it did not help her feel any less nervous.

* * *

It was the same Michalchuk residence, which Alex had visited a few times before. Both Mr. and Mrs. Michalchuk came to receive them at the door. Alex didn't know how much they knew about her but she trusted Paige to fill in the details. Soon, they were sitting at the dining table, enjoying the home cooked meal Mrs. Michalchuk had prepared for them.

"So, Alex, Paige tells us that you're in the physiotherapy program at Toronto U?" Mr. Michalchuk asked Alex as soon as she took the first bite of the hot mashed potatoes.

Alex nervously swallowed whatever was in her mouth and replied, "Uh, yes. I am, Mr. Michalchuk…"

Paige, realizing what Alex had just done, quickly gave her a glass filled with water. "Drink this, Hon."

"No, thanks Paige, I think I'm good," Alex said, pretending she was fine.

"No, you're not, just drink it; it'll help with the burning," Paige ordered.

Both of her parents, who Alex felt had already been looking at her curiously, were now attentively looking at the interaction between their daughter and her 'friend.' Alex quickly took the glass as to not cause any more attraction.

"Dylan called this morning, dear. He was hoping you would visit him after you are done with your teaching job. He sounded disappointed. When did you change your mind about going to Sweden, dear?" Mrs. Michalchuk addressed Paige taking everyone's attention away from her.

"Yeah, he called me yesterday, too. I hadn't really finalized anything with him. Besides, he would be busy with his training, and I have too much to take care of here, before my classes start," Paige replied.

"You should go, Paige," Alex instinctively said as she realized that she was probably one of the reasons why Paige was not going to visit Dylan.

Paige's hand slowly rested on her knee. Alex consciously looked up at Paige's parents, who were oblivious to the touch, and then at Paige who was smiling. "I will, Alex, when the time is right." Paige replied.

* * *

After the dinner, they all settled in the living room.

"So, dear, when did you say you were going back to London? If you need me to talk to someone there…," Mrs. Michalchuk asked her daughter, who was sitting next to Alex.

She turned to look at her parents. "No Mom, I'm okay. I just thought I should hang out here till the end of my summer break." Paige replied.

"As you wish, Hon. You said on the phone you wanted to discuss something?" Mrs. Michalchuk asked.

"I do, actually." She smiled. "Mom, Dad, I know I haven't been the best daughter to you both-"

"Paige, that's not true. You're an excellent daughter-" Mrs. Michalchuk interrupted her.

"Mom, just let me say this, please," Paige stopped her mom from saying anything further, and then she continued. "I know how much pain I've caused you both, over the last few years, with my impulsiveness and bad decisions, and still you've always stood by me. You're the best parents I could ever ask for and I just want you to let you know that I love you for that."

"Paige, no matter how old you get, you'll always be our little girl and we'll love you no matter what, and will try to protect you, but that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to do what you think is best for you," Mr. Michalchuk said.

"Thanks Dad. I do need to tell you guys something that's really really important to me," Paige said as she reminisced what it seemed she had been practicing for days.

Suddenly, Alex panicked as she realized what Paige was about to do. She was about to come out to her parents. The evening had been discomforting enough without Paige declaring any big headlines tonight.

Alex quickly pulled Paige's elbow as she tried to stop Paige.

"Mom and Dad, Alex and I, we're together."

* * *

For a few minutes, it was all quiet in the car as they left the Michalchuk residence and headed back to Paige's apartment.

"That went well," Alex broke the silence after a few minutes.

"I don't know why you worry about it so much, Alex. It's not like you turned me gay or anything."

"Didn't I, Paige?" Alex looked at Paige with confusion. "You told me you never dated any other girls beside me, like ever. In the last four years, you have only dated guys, so give me one reason to think otherwise. I bet that's exactly what you're parents are thinking right now."

"Well, they said it was my decision in the end."

"Well, they already have a gay kid and they expected you to give them grandchildren," Alex, in frustration, repeated the exact words Paige had once said to her.

Paige gave Alex a funny look before her eyes went back to the road. A smile appeared on her face. "And if everything goes right, one day, I hopefully will give them grandchildren, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Alex just looked at her with bewilderment. She couldn't believe how much Paige had grown up since the last time they've had this discussion.

"Alex, how about we don't try to figure this out right now?" Paige asked Alex as her cue to end this discussion for now.

"Yeah, it's not like your mom could kill me with those stares," Alex huffed.

* * *

The month had passed as quickly as it usually does for two people in love. Paige, once again, was packing her bags and Alex was looking at her in disdain.

"Alex, why are you pouting, it's not like I'll be gone for long." Paige smiled as she looked at Alex.

"Yeah, but what if it doesn't work out? What if they don't let you transfer to Toronto U?"

"Well, in that case, you'll be allowed to pout, I'll stay in London, and we'll have to make our long distance relationship work."

"I can't believe you can actually talk about it so casually, like it doesn't even matter if you're in London or in Toronto," Alex scolded and then slumped herself on Paige's bed.

"I do care, Alex. It's just that one of us has to be the logical one in this whole situation." Paige replied.

Alex adoringly looked at Paige who had been very accommodating to their new relationship. If they wanted to be in the same city, one of them had to make the sacrifice of transferring to another university. Alex was surprised when Paige herself had brought up the matter and declared that she would be the one making the move.

"Paige, are you sure you want to move back here. I mean I would totally understand if you don't. I know how long you've been planning to do what you're doing and if you want to finish school there…" Alex said, realizing how selfish she had been through out this whole thing.

"Don't be silly, Alex. I just want to be with you, and it has taken me a long while to realize this. What I'm doing in London, I can easily do it in Toronto." Paige walked behind where Alex was sitting and hung her arms around Alex's neck.

"Yes, but still, it will be hard. You might have to repeat courses."

"Alex, stop feeling bad, 'cause you're not making me do anything. I'm doing this because I want to do it."

"I'm not feeling guilty," Alex argued.

"Whatever you say, Hon." Paige bent down to give Alex a kiss on the cheek. "My bags are packed. You wanna help me take them down to the car?" she then asked Alex.

"Okay," Alex said obediently.

* * *

"Paige, you're back already? It's only been two days, though." Alex ran to Paige as she saw her waiting by her car, outside her dorm apartment.

"Good news, Alex. My papers came through. I'm moving back here!"

"Really, Paige?"

"Yeah!"

"Wow! We should celebrate!"

"We can celebrate later, Alex. First, I need to find a place to live." Paige shoved reality back in to Alex.

"Right. Well… you can always crash in with Sam and me." Alex suggested.

"No, Alex. You know that's not going to work. It'll get too crowded. I need to have my own place. And once I find it, you and I can move in there together."

"We? Move in?" Alex looked up at her in shock. That was something new Paige was talking about; Alex had never even considered the possibility of Paige actually moving to Toronto. She was sure that with her luck, Paige was never going to be able to move to Toronto at all and that was all the planning Alex had done.

"Yeah, you, me, us, together."

Her eyes lit up, but she let out no reply. Then the words unconsciously came out of her mouth. **"Are you sure Paige…?"** were the words she had regretted as soon as she had uttered them. (chapter 1)_ 'Shit. Now Paige is gonna think I don't want to move in with her'._ The insecurity took over her.

"Alex?" Paige was searching her eyes for some sort of an answer; a fear was visible in her own eyes. "Why…. Why not?"

Paige's suggestion of them moving in had finally begun to sink in along with the realization of how insecure she had just made Paige feel. She quickly took Paige in her arms not caring about the fact that they were still standing on the side of the road.

"Let's go look for that apartment. I wonder if that apartment is still available that you wanted the time you were moving to Toronto from Banting."

Life sure had come full circle for them, and yet the only thing consistent this whole time was their feelings for each other. They both smiled as they walked into Alex's dorm apartment together.

* * *

**THE END For Real.**

**I have started another fic "BLOODLINES"  
**


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